I am so frustrated. I have lost a little change purse that I keep a couple of store credit cards, stamps and a few other card-type things in. This is the second time I have misplaced it in as many months (the first time Josie took it) and I am just so mad at myself. I know there are thousands of strategies to keep me more organized and I am sure they are all terrific. That is not what I am looking for. I don't want answers, mostly I just want pity. I know, it is really such a stupid thing to be upset over, I should just cancel the credit cards and move on. However, I am not sure, but I think I may be taking it as a symbol of other happenings in my life.
First, it has made me feel really powerless. I have not a clue what may have happened to it. I cannot even remember distinctly the last time I had it. I don't want to look for it, I just want it to magically appear. (I know God can do that, but I am guessing He probably won't.) I cannot make it happen no matter how much I want to. I feel that way about a lot of things right now, like finishing school or making Joel come home.
Second, it has made me feel saddened. Why would someone want my little coin purse? It has an ID slot that I put a little family photo in. It has my in-case-of-emergency card from the Army in it. Why would you ever take something that doesn't belong to you? It has nothing that would benefit anybody, really, except for the stamps. They are welcome to those if they just give me back everything else! I think it has just made me feel like there are no honest people in the world. The election makes me feel the same way. There is nothing I can really do to improve the condition of our very sin-sick world, or so I feel sometimes when I am overwhelmed by the depressing news.
Third, it has made me feel disorganized. I have four important things in my purse and pretty much nothing else besides chapstick and a hairbrush: my wallet, my cell phone, my keys and my coin purse. Why cannot I not keep up with those few things? Why am I such a scatterbrain?
It leads me to think that I must be totally incompetent as a wife and mother. Joel hates it when I lose things; he thinks it is irresponsible (he is pretty much right). I have let my guilt about this trickle over in to other things, I feel like I cannot even perform the most simple task.
I know if you are still reading at this point you have lots of solutions for me. Thanks, but I don't want them. I just want to take a little time and feel sorry for myself. I know it is my own fault; I am pretty good at making myself feel guilty. However, if you want to be encouraging, like telling me that I am not a loser, or sharing a story about something you lost, that would be great. Most of all, I would appreciate any prayers you would like to offer on this silly subject. I know that in the bigger scheme of things the purse itself is inconsequential. But, like I said, I think I am using it as a metaphor for other happenings in my life. Please forgive my shallowness and if nothing else pray that the Lord will show me how to grow through this and be more mature (and responsible!). Thanks!