Friday, October 24, 2008

You're Invited to My Pity Party!

I am so frustrated. I have lost a little change purse that I keep a couple of store credit cards, stamps and a few other card-type things in. This is the second time I have misplaced it in as many months (the first time Josie took it) and I am just so mad at myself. I know there are thousands of strategies to keep me more organized and I am sure they are all terrific. That is not what I am looking for. I don't want answers, mostly I just want pity. I know, it is really such a stupid thing to be upset over, I should just cancel the credit cards and move on. However, I am not sure, but I think I may be taking it as a symbol of other happenings in my life.

First, it has made me feel really powerless. I have not a clue what may have happened to it. I cannot even remember distinctly the last time I had it. I don't want to look for it, I just want it to magically appear. (I know God can do that, but I am guessing He probably won't.) I cannot make it happen no matter how much I want to. I feel that way about a lot of things right now, like finishing school or making Joel come home.

Second, it has made me feel saddened. Why would someone want my little coin purse? It has an ID slot that I put a little family photo in. It has my in-case-of-emergency card from the Army in it. Why would you ever take something that doesn't belong to you? It has nothing that would benefit anybody, really, except for the stamps. They are welcome to those if they just give me back everything else! I think it has just made me feel like there are no honest people in the world. The election makes me feel the same way. There is nothing I can really do to improve the condition of our very sin-sick world, or so I feel sometimes when I am overwhelmed by the depressing news.

Third, it has made me feel disorganized. I have four important things in my purse and pretty much nothing else besides chapstick and a hairbrush: my wallet, my cell phone, my keys and my coin purse. Why cannot I not keep up with those few things? Why am I such a scatterbrain?
It leads me to think that I must be totally incompetent as a wife and mother. Joel hates it when I lose things; he thinks it is irresponsible (he is pretty much right). I have let my guilt about this trickle over in to other things, I feel like I cannot even perform the most simple task.

I know if you are still reading at this point you have lots of solutions for me. Thanks, but I don't want them. I just want to take a little time and feel sorry for myself. I know it is my own fault; I am pretty good at making myself feel guilty. However, if you want to be encouraging, like telling me that I am not a loser, or sharing a story about something you lost, that would be great. Most of all, I would appreciate any prayers you would like to offer on this silly subject. I know that in the bigger scheme of things the purse itself is inconsequential. But, like I said, I think I am using it as a metaphor for other happenings in my life. Please forgive my shallowness and if nothing else pray that the Lord will show me how to grow through this and be more mature (and responsible!). Thanks!


  1. Hi Lara,
    I am so sorry about your loss! I wish that I could make it appear. I can't I am praying about it though. We must have gotten it from mom cause she is always losing things. I am too. I have lost so many things that I can't even keep up with it. I wish that I could some how make you feel better. I hate it so much when I losing things too. You are most certainly not a loser! For pete sake you are own of the coolest people I know! I am so sorry about your loss. I love you so much!

  2. Lara,
    Don't be sad, don't be blue, Mom still loves you and God loves you, too. Be sad over something you lose that you can't replace. All of the things you lost can be replaced. You truly do get it from your mother, however, because I absolutely detest losing anything. I lost a pair of Robyn's jeans when she was 2 and I don't know to this day what happened to them! Love Ya, MOM

  3. I'm so sorry you lost your purse. It annoys me to lose things for the very same reasons you described, but I can't resist offering a couple of thoughts here:

    1) Have you prayed about finding your lost item? God really does care about the little things, and maybe he just wants to remind you in a small way that He's in control while your husband's gone.

    2) Hate liberal/media bias? Try watching FoxNews, or googling their website. It's Republican based and will cheer you up!

  4. Awww babe - it is the most maddening thing to lose something - anything! - and not have the faintest idea where it could have gone. Recently, I've 'lost' items of clothing - they eventually reappear but that means cleaning and sorting which I don't want to do ha I hope it magically appears but regardless it is definitely NOT a reflection of you or your ability to be a good wife and mom. I bet you misplaced it because you were consumed with your family and that my dear is not a bad thing.

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  6. I still miss those jeans 26 years later;)
    No really I HATE it when I lose things, I almost hyperventilated last week when I thought I lost my cell phone.Which by the way I blamed on Gilly who was NOT at fault! SO I guess I get the bad mother of the year award!
    I hope you find it and make sure to superglue it to the inside of your purse next time:)( Thought I would give a Joel like solution!)
    Love ya ~ME

  7. i feel for you, clare. i have been through that, too. it took me a couple of week to be able to accept it. processing again those cards is what i hated the most... had to get a affidavit of loss notarial paper... but you'll get over it. and remember that we may don'tunderstand it, but God has a purpose.

  8. P.S. - Hopefully this will make you feel at least a little better and that you are not alone in this whole losing things, thing. I've managed to 'lose' my passport AND social security card... Naturally they are together. And naturally I need them like ASAP. So, needless to say, I feel your pain haha

  9. I love to pray to God about little things. It makes me feel like God is so close and definitly reminds me not to worry so much. But, I also highly recommend random crying episodes.



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