I am learning to stand my ground and not be such a pushover. She seems to be responding better to the mix of "special fun times" and more consistent discipline. She wants to spend more time with me since her dad is gone so I have been trying to make sure she gets it. She wanted me to lay in bed with her last night (yes, me laying in her little toddler bed with her looks as funny as you would think) and sing to her. She has never done that before and I was very honored. As we lay there I tried to think of songs that would make appropriate bed time tunes for a toddler and I remembered one from my childhood. My Grams used to have a little tape she always played for us when we rode in her car and this was my favorite:
If you listen,
you can hear,
the voice of Jesus whispering in your ear:
"I'll never leave you or forsake you dear,
I'm right here with you,
what is there to fear?"
If you listen,
you can hear.
Jesus whisper in your ear.
"My child, my child, don't you know?
I love, I love, I love you so!
I'll never, ever let you go!"
Jesus whispers in your ear.
It made me cry. I think the Lord used it to remind me that I am never going it alone unless I choose to. He doesn't yell at me or use hysterics to get my attention, and to remind me that Jocelyn needs me right now, like I need Him. I just have to keep reminding myself that I want to be the kind of Parent He is. I need to listen to Josie and make sure she knows how much I love her without letting her get away with everything. I also need to respond as a child to Him; listening to His discipline and making sure I set aside special times just to be with Him. I am so thankful He is always with me and forgives me even when I am having a "bad mom" day. Now if only I can get Josie to... :)