G.I.G-Day 4

  Today was a very full day, that is why this is so late. As a matter of fact, I almost forgot. The Holy Spirit graciously reminded me as I was headed to bed. He is good like that. ;)

    My niece, the one who received the heart transplant, had an exceptionally rough day. She was airlifted to a hospital in Nashville, and is even now in the ICU. However, if her mother (my sister) can be grateful despite those circumstances, I can be, too.

The four things I am thankful for today:

1. The tens of *thousands* of people praying for sweet Gracey. It is humbling and awe-striking to see the family of God come together in such a mighty way. If I had a *penny* for each person who was praying for her today I would be wealthy in terms of monetary gain. In terms of spiritual wealth, though, I am overflowing.

2. The wonder that is Facebook. It gets a bad rep, but to get the word out to pray to all those people, it was a gift from God. Instantly, Gracey's page was flooded with words of encouragement and promises to pray.

3. That Gracey is here. This time last year we truly did not know if she would be here for her first birthday. She is a fighter, and she is truly a testimony of the healing powers of God and prayer.

4. The wonder of organ donation. It doesn't make sense, that loss should equal gain, but in the terms of organ donation, it does. The precious family that lost a sweet little one truly gave the most valuable gift that they could in the time of their worst sorrow. I will never stop being grateful for that sacrifice, because without it our sweet Gracey would never have been able to reach this point.

Please, keep her in your prayers. Her short life has been full of more difficulties than several adults combined, and her sweet family is so very weary. Questions are many and answers are few and that is the very best place for prayers. Thank you.

After Your Prayers Have Been Answered

 

     I have read blog after blog about how to trust God, be faithful and continue in prayer during tough times. There are lists and Scriptures and commentary. And that is so wonderful. It is tough to persevere when it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But what about when you are finally out of the tunnel? What about when you have passed through valley? What about when you get what you have been longing for? What do you when your prayers have been answered?

   This may seem like a crazy question because it seems so obvious: you rejoice! But, as with anything in life, it is never quite that clear-cut. I went where I always go when I had questions, and not surprisingly, I found the answer:

"Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." 2 Corinthians 1:9-11 (NIV)

   I laughed when I saw this passage, because it really couldn't suit our circumstances any more perfectly. If you have been following me for the past few months you know that my niece was in desperate need of a heart transplant. She had truly received a death sentence, her own heart could not sustain life. We were completely without options, we had to rely on God. No one had any power to obtain a heart on her behalf, we could only pray, hoping and trusting that the Lord would see fit to allow her life to continue while we waited, and that He would answer our prayers by sending a heart that would, in so many ways, "raise the dead". Because without that answer to prayer, she was as good as dead.

    So we prayed and waited, and waited and prayed. Sometimes, honestly, I had more faith than others. Some days, I had complete peace, and sometimes the tempest raged. Sometimes I smiled, sometimes I cried. But I knew He was working.

   And it took four months, which may not seem that long, but it felt as if it were an eternity. Many days, I went to bed praying that "tomorrow" would be the day. And it would pass. My sister lives a three days drive from where most of our family lives, and because she has three children at home we had decided that either my mom or I would plan to come and help her while she juggled being a homeschooling mom and also being at the hospital (which is over an hour away). We finally decided I would fly out and leave my own kids with my mom.

      But it still wasn't coming together, plane tickets were expensive, it wasn't really feasible for me to drive so far by myself, and about a thousand other little details just weren't being taken care of. It just wasn't working. We kept looking for a solution and everyone was frustrated. We discussed all kinds of plans. And then on the last Friday in January I felt the clearest Voice saying, "Wait." That's all, just wait. I was worried that my mom and my sister would be frustrated that I wasn't still looking for an answer, but when I talked to Robyn on Friday I finally admitted to her that I really felt like the Lord had an answer that we couldn't see. That I really felt like we needed to just pray about it over the weekend, and I strongly believed that He would give us a clear answer if we were just willing to bide our time. And surprisingly, they both agreed. We would take the weekend to pray and make a decision about what would happen on Monday.

    Well, if you follow Miss Gracey's Facebook page you know what happened. Joel and I had decided to sleep in, and I actually still had my phone on vibrate Saturday morning, but I was awake enough to realize it was buzzing at about 8:30am. My mom was calling-her voice was shaking, and she only had a minute, but she said, "They think there is a heart for Gracey." Well, I knew right then that was our answer! And boy, was it sooo much better than anything I could have planned! Shortly after that, Robyn called. She didn't make a whole lot of sense, but I couldn't blame her. Gracey was getting a heart!

    Everything we had been praying for, fasting over, dreaming of, was about to come true, And in typical fashion, God had covered every detail. Because He is THAT good. I would say I couldn't believe it, but the funny thing is, I never doubted that He had done it in His perfect timing, and this was exactly what we had been praying for.

  And I contemplated fasting, for Gracey and the surgery, and the doctors, and my sister. But I decided that it was a day for rejoicing, for recognizing and reveling in the goodness of God. It was definitely a day for "giving thanks for...gracious favor"!  And the excitement carried well into the next day after she had the surgery. Everyone was elated, we just kept exclaiming over and over what a miracle the whole thing was.

   But a few days after that, I became a little overwhelmed. There were still so many things that could go wrong. You don't take a heart transplant lightly-recovery is long and arduous, there were still many obstacles to overcome. Should I have been praying about these things before she even got a heart? Should I worry that the Lord had brought us this far to take a sudden turn? Should I feel guilty that Gracey got a heart when so many other babies needed one? Should I be sorrowful for the family that generously allowed Gracey to live when their own sweet child had died? I felt guilty, because God had given me exactly what I wanted and it seemed that I still wasn't satisfied.

    And that is when I realized: an answered prayer isn't an end-all, be-all. We will still need God and continue to need Him, and that is a very important part of His plan. He gave us what we wanted, knowing it would bring glory to Him, but He wouldn't have allowed it to take place if it had relieved us of our reliance on Him. It was still very good and right to know that we will need to be "delivered again". I needed to set my hope on the fact that He will continue taking care of the details and not overlook anything.

   And so, while I am rejoicing and praising Him in gratitude, I will still be relying on Him to answer all the questions that this answer has brought. The two needn't be mutually exclusive. He is still using Gracey to bring glory to Himself every day. Healing brings great glory to Him, and I wasn't at all surprised that the sermon text this Sunday was one that I referenced in my original blog about Gracey's great need.

"As He went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." John 9:1-3 (NIV)

  God has displayed a great work in Gracey's life. But He still has much that He wants to do, so now that my prayer has been answered, I will rejoice and be glad, but I will still look to the Lord to provide for the future. I won't ask why He chose us to receive this great blessing, but instead will rest knowing that it is what brings the greatest glory to Him. I am sure in Jesus' day there were many blind people who He did not heal. That did not diminish the miracle of this healing in John. So, it is also true that Gracey's healing is not diminished by the seeming lack of His response to others whose needs are just as great. I can trust that He will work in those lives in a way that will bring the greatest glory. I can trust that He will provide peace and healing to the donor family-that their loss which brought us such amazing gain will glorify Him in their lives-perhaps drawing them closer to God and each other. Only He can know. I can continue to pray for the situations that come up now that Gracey is post-transplant, believing that He who has delivered us will continue to deliver us again.

   And I already know that many are giving thanks, after many have prayed. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing to celebrate answered prayers with the family of God. Nobody knows quite how to party like His people. So, the short version: After your prayers have been answered, you should praise and pray. I can promise you that the answer to your prayer will not be the end of your story, so keep looking to Him and for Him. And thank Him for allowing your need for Him to continue. He wants to keep answering your prayers, He longs to show you that He is truly all you need. Trust me, that's a good thing. He won't be done showing His glory in your life. That's what I'm planning on doing, anyway.

P.S. Gracey is truly doing amazing. There are thousands of people who are covering her in prayer, and I know that the Lord is working in such a mighty way through all of that. I can't believe that the grinning baby in the photo above was barely opening her eyes a little over a week ago. God gave us a definite miracle and I will never stop being thankful.

Linked up:
"Titus 2 Tuesday" at Cornerstone Confessions

     

To My Sister, That Time Your Baby Needed a Heart Transplant

I so appreciate you, dear readers, for coming alongside me during this time. Your prayers mean more than you will ever know. I feel so vulnerable sharing these things, but I also feel compelled to-sometimes just because it seems it is the only way to keep from completely breaking down...

Dear Robyn,

              We've been sisters a long time now. My whole life, really, since you are the oldest. You never let me forget that fact growing up. And secretly, that made me glad. Glad that went things went wrong *you* were the responsible one, when our parents tried out new disciplinary tactics, you were the guinea pig, when chores needed to be done, you had the lion's share.

    And once we became "adults" (whatever that horrid word means) I liked it even more, and not so secretly. You had the first boyfriend, and I learned how to interact with guys, you got the first job (and then got me a job), you got married first and I was the terrible maid of honor, you had the first baby, and made me a little less afraid to be a mom. And then, we were in it together, new moms, military wives, far from our family. But we had each other. Through babies and deployments, and moves, and crises big and small. We talked for hours on the phone, about everything and nothing.

   And I have never stopped looking up to you. You have always been the put-together one, the organizer, the mother-er, the planner. You do everything with such amazing finesse. And you have always been so strong. I knew you would be there for me any time I needed you. And I took advantage of that, for sure!

   And now, this. Who knew that the Lord had a such a thing in life for you as a sweet, tiny, helpless baby who would need a *heart* transplant? You have always loved babies-for as long as I can remember. When I haplessly tossed my Cabbage Patch kids on the bed, you would tenderly rescue them and chide me for my lack of caring. You loved to babysit, and did it for the chance to love on other people's babies. I was the childcare mercenary-anything for the money. And when you finally had your own sweet little ones, you had reached Nirvana-achieving your lifelong dream of motherhood.

   And now, your maternal instinct is screaming at you, relentlessly. This tiny thing, it needs you, but you can't be everything. You can't heal her with anything you possess. And I know it is the hardest thing you've ever done-to stand waiting. I know because watching this mercilessly pound you is the hardest thing I've ever done. You're my big sister, and I can't make it go away the way you have so many times for me. I can't fix it-like the many times you have remedied things for me.

   I don't know how to make this better. Pretty much because I can't. I say, "I'm sorry" and I quote Scripture and I pray. Oh, how I pray! And pray! And pray. I have become intimately aware of what 1 Thessalonians 5:17 really means. But only God can fix this, only God can see you through it. And I am learning, because of you, what it really means to trust God.

    And so, in this too, you are still going ahead of me. Showing me what grace in the face of great tragedy looks like, what fully relying on an unseen God means. How to give glory while suffering, and do so in a way that draws others closer to the One who deserves all the glory. You claimed these verses for little Gracelyn, but *you* are the one making Scripture true with your life:

"Yet I am always with You;     You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel,    and afterward You will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?    And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
 My flesh and my heart may fail,    but God is the strength of my heart    and my portion forever."

                                                                                    Psalm 73:23-26 (NIV)

  And there is no way that you could be setting a better example for me in this, my dearest "big" sister. You are hope, faith, love, and patience-even though I know there have been many days that you haven't feel that way. You are strong-not of yourself, but because of Whose you are. I wish that I could make this go away... oh, I don't think even you could comprehend how my heart longs to fix this all, not just for sweet Gracey, but for you. I believe, though, that my prayers are reaching the Throne of Grace, and I know that He who began this work in you, He is the One who will be faithful to complete it. And in the meanwhile, know that I am here-however you need me, whenever you need me. Because no one knows like a sister knows, right?

To Gracelyn, When You Were Born

Dear Gracey,

                 
                           I'm your Aunt Clare. We haven't met yet, a fact that makes me super sad, especially since I was there for all of your siblings' births. But it just didn't work out this time. But that doesn't keep me from loving you and wishing I was there to kiss your chubby cheeks!

      And I also wish I was there for your mom. We've been through a lot together, she and I. And what she is going through with you is probably the hardest road she has ever had to travel. Because you have a "special" heart. It isn't quite what it is supposed to be, and in your short few days here you've had more medical tests and procedures done than I have had in my whole life. I don't understand it all, but literally part of your heart is missing, and that has caused so many other problems...

    But never doubt for a moment these things: you were WANTED and you are LOVED. Your mom and Dad found out this summer that your heart was"broken" and they never for one second thought about anything but how to help you. All they ever have wanted is to care for you and love you. Your mom's heart is breaking in it's own way because she can't fix this.

   And your Dad, well, I am sure that he is just trying to figure out how to be there for your mom without falling apart himself. He would give his own heart for you, I know. He would give anything to make this better, to make it go away...

   And how do I know this? Because that is how I feel, and I'm not even your mom. But I love your mom, she's my big sister. And its tearing me up that I can't *do* anything. But you better believe, I haven't for one minute quit praying for you. I know the Lord keeps bringing this Scripture to mind for a reason:

"As He (Jesus) went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him." John 9:1-3 (NIV)

    I don't know what is going to happen to you, sweet Gracey. I would love to think that you will be allowed to meet your brother and sisters, know their love, sleep in your own bed, get to try ice cream, fight with your siblings, swing on a swing...  But I don't know that. But I can promise you-your life will be for God's glory. How do I know that? Because it already is! You have been so prayed for-you and your whole family. All of your doctors and medical professionals. Everyone around you has been covered in prayer long before you were born.

   And I believe that you can be healed. That you will get to do all those things and so much more. I have hope-and that is so much more than wishing on a star. My hope is concrete-based on the Truth that is Jesus, and so I don't have to fear. I am sad,sad for your parents, sad for you-this is so hard. But I don't have to fear, because you were created in His image, and not one thing that has happened to you has escaped His notice, never for even a part of a second have you been out of His care. And if I love you so much that I can't hardly stand it, imagine how He feels?

   When we found out about your heart your Aunt Katy shared these verses with your mom, and they became "yours". And today, especially, they hold so much meaning and comfort.

"Whom have I in heaven but you?    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  

My flesh and my heart may fail,    but God is the strength of my heart    and my portion forever." 

                                     Psalm 73:25-26

       He is, Gracey, He is! The strength of your "broken" heart, and mine. I'm so glad that I don't have to rely on my own strength. It is worthless, and so feeble. But the Lord? He is strong enough. Strong enough to heal you, strong enough to see us through whatever happens, strong enough to show His glory through any circumstance, no matter how hard. More than strong enough to be there for you and all our family.

     Strong enough to bear my worries and fears, and strong enough dry all my crying. He loves you, Gracey, and so do I. I won't stop praying...
                                                                                      Love,
                                                                                         Aunt Clare



If you are curious about Gracey's condition, or just want to know how to join us in prayer, consider following her Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/prayersforg4 
Thank you for praying with us!

Cinderella Style

May I apologize in advance for the irritating lines? Blogger refused to allow me to have paragraphs. I have a tendency to run on (and on) I know, and I feel it is important to have a little space between all those sentences. That is the best I could do! Blame it on Blogger...
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I don't mind cleaning my bathroom. I know that is many people's least favorite chore, but I guess I find it satisfying. I don't keep clutter in the bathroom (isn't that what the "linen" closet is for?!) so it is not a "clean before you clean" task. Also, it is gratifying to know that when it is clean, it is finished. Not like laundry or dishes, the never-ending tasks. I usually clean the mirror, sink and toilet 2-3 times, sometimes more, a week. I clean the tub on Mondays. I clean the floor once a week, too. That is the only part of the job I HATE! Much of the time I cheat and just Swiffer around the rug (which covers most of the floor in our tiny bathroom). Sometimes I drag out the real mop and do it. And when I am feeling particularly ambitious I fill up my trash can with ammonia (why use a bucket when I can multitask and clean the trash can at the same time?) and hot water, pull on my trusty rubber gloves, grab an old rag and get down on my hands and knees.



Whenever I am being good and doing this chore the right way it always brings to mind memories of Cinderella. It particularly conjures up where she on her hands and knees mopping the huge foyer floor. She is singing, and dreaming. Then along comes Lucifer, the cat. Spying an opportunity to make trouble, he trots through the dustpan (anyone else wonder why her dustpan is so full, even when she supposedly cleans all the time? Seems just like real life!) and proceeds to track paw prints all over the clean floor, right around daydreaming Cinderella. When her bubble bursts (literally) she realizes that Lucifer has just added more work to her already seemingly impossible to-do list. However, since Cinderella is mild-mannered, she simply scolds, "Lucifer, you mean old thing!" and goes back to mopping. Besides showing off my ridiculous knowledge of Disney's "Cinderella", I do have a point.
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I know something else I should do on my knees that most often I try to take the easy way out of: pray. I took Beth Moore's study "Stepping Up" and she challenges you to pray on your face, in a prostrate position. I have done that and it is crazy how it changes your perspective. Just like spending the time on my knees mopping the bathroom floor, it puts me in touch with how things really should be. Standing up with a mop in my hand, or glossing things over with a wet Swiffer, doesn't really show me all the dirt and grime that needs to go. Praying is like that, too. I can definitely get the job done with my eyes open in the car, driving down the highway. God hears me no matter where I am. However, it doesn't give me the same clarity, honesty and focus that praying on my knees does. It doesn't show me what really needs my attention.


When I put ALL my focus into praying, and not trying to do anything else, it changes how I am praying. I am not saying all your prayer time should be laying down on the floor, but I know in my own life that days go by when prayers are said in the shower, at the table, with my kids before bedtime, and yes, even in the car going down the highway. But they are tacked on with my other activities. My conversation with God is part of my multitasking plan: do more, be more. But that is one thing that needs singularity of focus.




I have kept a prayer journal off and on over the years and last month I decided to start keeping one again. I have discovered that it is imperative that I schedule this time before my darling children pop their heads out of bed, because it is all downhill after that. Devoting time specifically to praying and ONLY praying, has opened my eyes. First, I am a very "selfish" in my prayers. They are mostly about me, my needs and the needs of those I love. Second, I have the attention span of a goldfish! Third, I can talk the hind leg off a donkey, but when it comes to talking to the Creator, I am at an amazing lack for words. Spending time on my knees (literally and figuratively) isn't something I am very good at, so I have to work at it.



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Which brings me back to Cinderella-told you I had a point! She is on her knees focused on her task. She is diligently attending to her responsibility. When an attack comes, she is not thrown off course. She deals with the distraction and resumes the task at hand. I want my prayer life to be like that. I want to be where I need to be so that when things beyond my control occur, I am not distraught. I do not allow a temporary distraction to consume my focus. I realize what I am doing is the right thing and I can't let other people or things keep me from accomplishing my task. It helps me see what I should be paying attention to and it shows me all that I have to be grateful for. It shows me how small I am before the Creator, but how important I am in His eyes. Being on my knees gets the job done right.:)

Road Rage and Regrets

So, Wednesday was one of those days that didn't go exactly like I wanted it to. Or at all like I wanted it to...Joel has been on profile for a while (for you non-military folk, that means he has had a special list of physical restricitions, due to his ankles) and because of that he was allowed to remain behind while the rest of his unit went to "the range" overnight. That was great, and I finally was able to plan my dentist appointment, which was almost 2 months overdue. They had a cancellation and could fit me in Wednesday afternoon. Well, I usually have nothing planned on Wednesdays but we also needed to renew our military ID cards.

Imagine the DMV...then remove 1/2 the chairs and increase the wait time by 30-60 minutes and you have the DEERS office (don't ask what that means, it isn't important, it just designates the place where you get ID cards). It is awful, horrible...I won't go on. Well, we thought we had planned enough time but obviously we were too optimistic. We arrived at the office around 12:30 pm and waited. And waited. And waited. Carson spent most of the time running around in circles until he fell over, repeatedly. Joel spent the time looking glum. And I spent the time looking at my watch. At 2:14 pm they finally called number 92-our number! Hallelujah!
But we weren't home free yet. After several jibs about my first name (thanks, Mom) and repeating herself to Joel (I think he went into his happy place and we couldn't coax him out) the clerk was done and we were finally finished at 2:32 pm. About 10 minutes after I should have left for my dentist's appointment. We raced home, and Josie and I had to switch cars because Joel needed Carson's carseat so he could take him to work.

Finally on the way-I should only have been about 5 minutes late by my calculations. Until I reached the school zone a scant two blocks from my house. The four way stop was jammed with traffic. I waited, all the other sides went. And went again. And again. What the heck?! I waited and finally threw the truck in park to see if there had been an accident. Oh, nope, just the car three vehicles in front of me. Waiting to turn into the school. The driveway in front of the school was jammed with cars and instead of turning the other way so the rest of the traffic could move the person was just waiting until the line of cars inched forward. NO!NO!NO! This should not be happening...I was livid, literally shaking with frustration and anger. It seemed that the world was conspiring to make me miss my dentist's appointment. I honked, I fussed, I fretted. This worked to no avail on the incomptent, excessively rude idiot in front of me. And those are my nice words! Finally the stupid person started moving. Twenty cars had piled up behind me and I was beyond consolation. So...I yelled at the crossing guard. Like some redneck teenager, I stuck my head out the window and screamed,"Someone needs to tell those parents to not block the stop sign! Traffic needs to be kept moving!" I don't think I have ever seen eyes as wide as the eyes of that crossing guard. I am certain that she thought I was certifiably crazy. I think at that moment I was.

Still shaking I made my way to the freeway entrance. Josie was chattering excitedly in the backseat. I think I had made her nervous, and she did not know what to make of her wild mother. She kept repeating the things I had said, "stupid driver", "what the heck?!" and other not-so-nice things. If at all possible I was more frustrated when I realized the street I had been planning on taking was completely backed up. I called my mom. After talking to my mom and Joel and the dentist's office (who said it was fine that I was running late) and yelling a little more I started to rejoin reality.Jocelyn was still muttering to herself and in an effort to calm her I tried to get her to talk to me. I told her I was sorry for yelling and she says, "Mom, you should just pray about it. Don't be mad at the lady, Jesus will take care of it."

That comment simultaneously made me feel better and worse. Better, because I knew it was something she had heard me say many times before. Worse, because even my 4 year-old knew how to fix my problem and I had chosen to ignore the obvious (and best) solution and in trying to solve my dilemma all by myself I had made it worse instead of better. So, because it is never to late for prayer, that is what we did. I apologized to the Lord (I may have prayed that He would give the crossing guard amnesia over the incident) and to Josie. I prayed for patience and thanked Him for the graciousness the dentist had shown concerning my tardiness. And I may have thanked Him that I was driving Joel's truck, because if I ever see that crossing guard again I will be in my car and she probably won't recognize me...

I especially thanked Him for Josie. I need someone to keep me in line and she does a pretty good job. I also prayed that next time I would listen to the Holy Spirit, Someone who refuses to try to yell above me. I was pretty humiliated upon reflection on my little escapade but hopefully I won't forget it anytime soon.

Just for Today Be Happy

I am really praying that it is going to be a good year. It has been two weeks so far (today) and I have really been feeling very content and peaceful. That is not to say I haven't had my moments. As a matter of fact, I called my mother just the day before yesterday so she could calm me down after finishing Josie's reading lesson. I was a little (okay a lot!) frustrated that Jocelyn cannot "remember" certain sounds that she has been doing for 20 lessons! But other than the occasional hiccup such as that, I feel like I am headed in the right direction.

I know that putting out a post like this might be asking for trouble, but I am really hoping that this feeling that I have is not circumstantial. If it is,then any little thing should cause it to crumble.But I don't think so. I am finally practicing some of what I have been "preaching". I am really trying to "take every thought captive" and trying to channel my energies into things that will have the greatest long-lasting results. I am also trying to be thankful for all the little things and realize that the things that frustrate me the most probably won't even hit the radar in a year or so.

This is not to say that things are perfect-and I certainly am not! But if I am living in the same place I was a year ago, then I am not growing. I don't want to believe that. I believe that "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it". Pretty much the only thing I can control in my life is my attitude, so I want it to be a good one!I guess I also post this to challenge myself-will I still feel this way in a few weeks, a few months? Therefore, by the grace of God, go I...

More Lessons from the School of Josie

We had made special plans to go to the "Adventure Gym" (a open-play time on all the fun gymnastic equipment)with friends this morning. Jocelyn gets so excited about this-it is probably her most favorite activity. Well, as we were headed out the door Jocelyn said, "Mom, are we going? Will the truck start?" To which I honestly replied, "I don't know; you will have to pray about it!" Please do not think that I said this tritely, this is a big deal in our house lately. Josie said, "Yep, I did, Mom." Well, we get out there, everyone gets buckled in and... the truck doesn't start. Well, I wrestle with the hood, fiddle with things that Joel told me to (things that I wouldn't be able to name if my life depended on it) and...nothing. I call our friends, tell them we won't be able to make it. We tried to make alternate plans but we live in the back forty of Egypt and there are too many of us. So, I haul Josie and Carson back inside. Poor Josie, she is crying and telling me how sad she is. She wasn't throwing a fit, she is getting more used to the truck being "broke". I am crying, too. It is so hard to have to disappoint your child. It made me feel like such a failure, but it isn't anything I have any control over. I called my mom (she is my go-to when life is frustrating me). She helps to calm me down, and suggests some things to do at home. Well, Jocelyn is fairly easily distracted. I think she somehow understands that there is no use crying over spilt milk. She goes on her way, being as sweet and loving as she can be. The Schwan's man comes (always an exciting event in our house, Josie is amazed that he brings the "groceries" without us having to leave the house) and we fix lunch- see we didn't even have to go out! Jocelyn has started praying by herself, so when lunch was ready she asked the blessing. This is her prayer:

Dear God, Thank you for our food. Thank you for our fun day. Thank you that the truck wouldn't start. Thank you that Daddy is coming home to fix it. Amen and Jesus (that is how she ends all her prayers)

I am crying while I am writing this. Oh, how I want that to be my heart. Thank you God, for EVERYTHING. Thank you for my child who is not distraught over circumstances she can't control. Thank you for using her to teach me true gratitude. Thank you for not explaining everything to me, and thank you that she does not ask me to explain everything to her. Most of all, thank you that Daddy is coming home to fix it.:)

What do you say? Maybe this won't be as meaningful to anybody but me. But that doesn't matter. Josie teaches me all kind of things and her sweet heart in the face of trouble made me realize that I can't be anymore concerned about this than she is. She really only saw good. She cried and when she was done she just moved on. The next time we get in the truck she will have just as much faith that it will start. She won't let her faith be swayed by a "no" answer. She knows God has His own plans. I know part of His plan is for me to learn more about Him from my precious three year-old.