A Day Late and a Dollar Short

  

   I promise, this will be the last of the Valentine's post. I wanted to post today because this is my first "Leap Year Day" as a blogger. However, I couldn't really think of anything to do with that and this post has been stewing around in my mind for a while. And also because I wanted another chance to post a photo of my truffles. Just kidding. Sort of.

    Because of my intense love of Valentine's Day and all things related therein, I always make sure that I go shopping on February 15th. Because the kids and I give out so many Valentine's cards, and I love to do little goody bags, make candy, and generally decorate, I want to be sure to snatch up all the things I want for next year when they are 50% off and ripe for the picking. I do also love to pick things up at 70% and 90% (can you tell where I shop?) but the best selection is when things are at half off.

I had gotten all the things I "needed" and we were waiting in line (actually at Walmart-Target rarely has a line!) when I noticed the guy ahead of me had the Valentine's Day trifecta: giant stuffed animal, roses and a huge box of chocolates. Joel and I are both people watchers, and I was amused, so I poked Joel so he would notice. As soon as he saw, he said, "I bet he made a deal with her (the guy's girlfriend) that he would buy her twice as much if she would wait until the day after." To which I rolled my eyes, because I have expressed my desire to celebrate the 14th on the 15th multiple times, because, let's face it, I'm cheap! Anyway, I agreed with Joel's perception and we went on checking out.

And then I got to thinking about it. Joel had told me earlier that an obscene percentage of women send flowers to themselves on Valentine's Day! That thought is ludicrous to me! If you want to spend money sending me flowers, great, but no how, no way, am I sending them to myself! Joel said that it was because the women were worried they would be embarrassed in front of co-workers, and also it is the same old "one upping the Joneses" syndrome most of America suffers from. And I bet those women make sure those roses arrive ON the 14th.

Because we are so worried about what others think of us. And we are so unwilling to wait. It made me think about my spiritual walk. How many times have I "sent flowers to myself"? How many times has God tried to gently tell me that if I would wait until the day after that I would get twice as much? I am so insistent on demanding things on my schedule- I want to impress those around, and not be embarrassed.

I just couldn't shake the image of the guy with the flowers and chocolates. What a smart girlfriend he had! Willing to wait past everyone else's expectations so that she could have something better than what she could have had otherwise. And comparing that to all those poor women lying about flowers they didn't really need. Wouldn't I rather wise up and wait?

I am always so worried that if I am patient and trust the Lord's timing that I will end up a "day late and a dollar short" but so what? Maybe I will be, but I can guarantee you- be it the next day, the next month or in 10 years, He will bless me with more than I could have ever scrounged up on my own.

We often look at clearance sales as the "left overs"- but in reality you get more than you should have when you wait. Everyone else is really the ones that get the short end of the stick. They paid full price less than 24 hours before for the same thing! Who really comes out looking like the smart ones? The ones who wait.

"In the morning, O LORD, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3

"We wait in hope for the LORD;  He is our help and our shield." Psalm 33:20

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." Psalm 37:7

The last verse is probably my favorite. David knew a thing or two about waiting. You know, the guy who was anointed king and had to wait YEARS to see that promise fulfilled? Yes, he knew that waiting on God produces success.

I always think that it is my job to tell God when, where and how. But He knows what I need and when I *really* need it. And His blessings in His timing will exceed my feeble expectations infinitely. I want to be willing to wait, because sometimes a day late will be far more to my benefit than I could have ever imagined.

Wandering and Waiting

image via

Clearing housing was a bear- much worse than I thought it would be. However, none of that matters in the light of the fact that we passed! Now all the fun of moving in begins. We are somewhat ahead in the game, considering that since we moved in town we don't have the piles and piles of boxes. Instead, we have piles and piles of loose stuff! In some ways that may be worse.

This house is different in a lot of ways from our other one. It has a basement and a garage, which is nice. It has a teeny, tiny kitchen and two bathrooms. And lots of other small things. So, I was standing in the shower yesterday (I do a lot of good thinking with hot water running over my head) and I started thinking about how I was frustrated with all the work to be done. It is hard dividing things in between different spaces. I have no room in my kitchen- precisely, no drawers, and weird lazy susan cupboards that hardly hold anything. Also, since we only had one bathroom before, I had everything all together in our big linen closet right next to it, and now I have to figure out how to split it up between two bathrooms that aren't close to each other. It made me crabby. And I thought to myself, "I wish I only had one bathroom, that was so much easier. And less to clean, too."

Now, don't get me wrong. There were definitely days that I tried to be thankful about only one bathroom. But most of the time (especially when I was pregnant) I would complain about it to no end. And I would dream of the day when I would have two bathrooms. I wouldn't have to share with the kids and all their bath toys, and there would never be a line for the toilet. I also thought of how wonderful it would be to have a basement or a garage to store all the Christmas decorations and JBF stuff that I always had to put up with in the laundry room.

I was not being thankful for what I have in my new house because I want it to all be put together and organized NOW. I don't want to have to put up with the slow process of sorting everything out, trying one spot and then needing to move things to another. I don't want to have to decide what I should keep in one bathroom and put in the other. I don't want to tromp up and down two flights of stairs 45 times a day. I don't want to find things while losing others. I want it to be my way ASAP. I don't want to wait.

That was when I realized: gratitude and patience go hand in hand. I can't be thankful for what I have now, because I want what I know is coming, or what I know can happen. I don't want to endure any temporary pain, or even discomfort. I want it right, right away. I don't want to have a journey to my destination, I want to tele-transport like Star Trek. Instant gratification.

Which is an oxymoron. You can't truly appreciate something until you have something to contrast it with. Truly, apart from God, we can not understand pleasure without pain, good without bad. But that requires patience. I couldn't help but think of the Israelites. Whining and complaining in the desert. Moaning and groaning because "things were so much better in Egypt".

"Didn't we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”
Exodus 14:12

"The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.”
Exodus 16:3



Doesn't sound very grateful to me. Doesn't sound very patient either. The Israelites had just been rescued from slavery. And not run-of-the-mill, do my laundry, cook my dinner, slavery. Not that that would be so great, either, but they had been under a firstborn killing, make bricks with no straw, complete disregard for religion, backbreaking, soul-stealing, regime of forced labor of the worst kind. And they wanted to go back! And simply because they weren't getting what they wanted when they wanted it.

The first quote is when they were standing before the Red Sea. I will cut them a little slack in this situation. But God performed a mighty, amazing, death-defying miracle. The second quote however, is once the journey had begun. The people were angry because they were hungry. They wanted to be satisfied instantly. They were so impatient and focused on themselves that they couldn't remember every mind-blowing thing that the Lord had already done for them. They couldn't remember the exultant exit from Egypt, departing with all the riches of the land. They had already forgotten the dual triumph of the Red Sea, when they walked across on dry land and the "horse and his rider were swept into the sea". All they could think about what their present sufferings, which were really nothing in comparison to what they had already endured. They could not find contentment in their current circumstances because they had no patience to wait for what was to come. They ended up wandering because they wouldn't wait. They were forced to wait until they learned some gratitude.

In light of all that, I have to choose to be thankful for what I have and remember the oh-so-recent miracle of passing our inspection. I have to be patient and believe that it will be revealed to me in time. I need to be grateful for the chance to organize two bathrooms and a basement- because I need to be able to find joy in the here and now, without demanding perfection. It will all come together in time, but there can be gratefulness in the waiting. I don't want to have to learn the hard way.

Happy "Helpers"

My proud little bed-maker; didn't she do a nice job?

I walked into the bathroom the other night before bed. I was greeted by: toothpaste on the sink, two toothbrushes in the floor, uncapped toothpaste tube, crushed Dixie cups and various other odd and assorted pieces of stuff. My first thought was: "Wow, I'm so impressed that Josie helped Carson to brush his teeth." That was when I realized that I am not quite such a failure as a mother as I sometimes think I am. I was not necessarily grateful that I had to pick up and wipe off all that stuff, but I wasn't frustrated by it.

Trust me, there are plenty of things about my children that make me consider joining the circus. Anyone who has ever had a 2 year-old, or a 4 year-old (and especially those of us who have had both-or bless you-more!) know what I am talking about. There are definitely moments when I reach that banshee decibel and I am sure my neighbors do not appreciate it. However, I have to say that honestly, I have more positive thoughts about my children than negative ones. I really try to look at the bright side, and try to figure out their motivations. That is what led to the thought about the bathroom diaster. I know Josie loves to help Carson and I could tell by the disarray this was the cause. Joel had put the kids to bed, and while he is more conscious of messes than a lot of men I know, he must not have realized he needed to help the kids brush their teeth.

I think that is really one of the signs of a good mom-recognizing the underlying intentions of our children. When Jocelyn makes a HUGE mess in her room but I remember that she spent a whole hour entertaining her brother I try to make sure that I thank her for that, rather than just ranting about the clutter. This is not to say that the times when she drags out everything she owns in a 30 minute period just because she is bored that I do not make sure that she is the one doing the majority of the cleaning. But when I know that she is not the only offender (and she was helping me by keeping him sidetracked) I try to be a little more understanding.

I laugh when Josie "helps" me by lining up all my shoes outside my closet, or when she puts the laundry away-all together in the same drawer. I think it is cute when Carson "helps" clean up his dirty dishes-by putting them in the trash! Maybe not so cute when I realize I am missing half of my matching Ikea bowls, but I didn't complain too much about replacing them. I take a ton of photos of my kids and definitely when they do something that I realize may be exasperating, or just not helpful, now but I will probably think is funny later. Like when Carson got into a bowl of Hershey's kisses and tried to eat them with the wrapper on. Or when he put dirty laundry from the floor into the dryer. I realize that they are just trying to help me. Such as the times when Jocelyn puts away the upstairs basket (I keep it at the bottom of the stairs and put things that need to the other level in it to take care of later) and I can't find my shirt because she put it in my sock drawer. Or when both of them clean any of the mirrors and/or windows with baby wipes. Talk about streaks!

I definitely am not a perfect mother, but I think it shows great progress -for me- that I don't demand constant perfection from my kids. I really try to focus on how they try to please me-that is really the heart of obedience. There are certainly times, more than I can count, that they have intentionally disobeyed. That merits discipline, sometimes calmly and patiently administered, other times not so kindly. But I am certain that any wise mother would tell you to seek to understand your child's motivations. Also, I try to remind myself that if they have done something they thought was helpful that isn't, then I can take that opportunity to show them the right way. If they have done something to the best of their ability (such as when Jocelyn makes my bed) I praise their effort anyway. They will both hone their skills as they grow older. Taking a picture of my bed, with my beaming 4 year-old on it, so pleased with herself, will be a wonderful memory when she is making her own bed in her own house.

I also wrote this post as a reminder to myself to take more joy in the things that may not seem so joy-inspiring. I don't think everything has to be a "I'm so thankful that my child has arms so he/she can make all these messes." But I don't think it hurts to think, "Look at that helpful spirit or newfound ability", when they maybe pull all the books of the shelf while "dusting'. I want my children to learn to be self-reliant, helpful, cheerful and independent. Those character traits aren't developed overnight, so at times I need to remember certain messes are just stepping stones-and to keep the cleaning wipes handy!

The Right Line

I seem prone to developing devotional thoughts over the most mundane things in life- construction work while driving in my car, an extra order of fries at Jack in the Box. Or waiting in line. I thought I had already covered everything I could learn about waiting in line here, but clearly the Lord sees that as great place for a teachable moment.

Anyway, I was at Hobby Lobby-they are having 80% off there Christmas stuff and there were some things I "needed". I was kind of in a hurry and only there for the deals so I made quick decisions and got in line. Now, I like Hobby Lobby. Quite a lot, they are closed on Sundays, they sell cool stuff and they are pretty cheap, if they are having a sale (which is all the time).

But they are notorious for their ridiculous lines. I clearly wasn't the only one who knew about the great deal on Christmas stuff so they were longer -and slower- than usual. I had my choice between three lines, and after evaluating the speed of the cashiers and the amount of merchandise each customter had, I made my selection. I was standing patiently when the customer in front of me moved to another register. Well, that made me happy, because she had a TON of stuff. Also, because everyone was kind of crammed together and I am a "three feet of personal space" kind of American.

So, I was waiting my turn, my arms loaded with merchandise (no cart because I was in a hurry, remember?) eyeing the rack behind me. Well, when I turned my head a girl slipped in line in front of me. She was with her mother and sister and they had decided to divide to see who could get through line faster. I know this because they had all been in another line (that was closed but not clearly labeled) together a mere moment before. I am sure my mouth dropped open slightly. What was she thinking? Did she assume I was standing with my arms full of Christmas things daydreaming near the registers? Before I could even really mull it over I heard myself quietly, and of course politely, say,"I'm sorry, I was already in this line." She dipped her head and said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I saw you there...I just wasn't thinking." and she ducked quickly behind me. Satisfied, I took my rightful place and finished making my purchase.

Satisfied until I started thinking about it. She had taken my place. I had not done anything impolite by stating my claim. Until I started gloating a little that I had handled that so well. Wouldn't Miss Manners have been proud? I didn't make a scene and I righted a wrong, albeit one done to me. Then I started thinking about Someone else who said that he who is first shall be last. And that the true glory of what I claim to be is to do unto the least of these and turn my other cheek. To give my cloak away, to go the extra mile. None of that says anything about lines in Hobby Lobby...but it does say a lot about me. That is what I think is so much of what is wrong with Christians, my own self-righteous self included. We aren't looking to give up anything-we have "earned" it. Right? We have worked hard for "all we have" and we shouldn't just throw it away to whoever. Right? I didn't know that girl from Adam- maybe she was a regular line cutter. Maybe I had just taught her a valuable lesson. Right?

Why am I always so concerned about being right? That is not a great spiritual gift that I can find. The Fruit is: love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. Which ones of those was I displaying? Ummm...that's right-none! Do I think allowing that girl to keep her place in "my" line would have taught her anything? Probably not, but what would it have taught me? Probably a lot. Like maybe to give away what I have, like maybe that patience and a kind deed will make me a better Christian. Maybe doing the last thing every one expects, by giving up what is "mine", letting someone else ahead will make me a little more like the One who traded places in line with me. And isn't that really the right thing to do?

More Lessons from the School of Josie

We had made special plans to go to the "Adventure Gym" (a open-play time on all the fun gymnastic equipment)with friends this morning. Jocelyn gets so excited about this-it is probably her most favorite activity. Well, as we were headed out the door Jocelyn said, "Mom, are we going? Will the truck start?" To which I honestly replied, "I don't know; you will have to pray about it!" Please do not think that I said this tritely, this is a big deal in our house lately. Josie said, "Yep, I did, Mom." Well, we get out there, everyone gets buckled in and... the truck doesn't start. Well, I wrestle with the hood, fiddle with things that Joel told me to (things that I wouldn't be able to name if my life depended on it) and...nothing. I call our friends, tell them we won't be able to make it. We tried to make alternate plans but we live in the back forty of Egypt and there are too many of us. So, I haul Josie and Carson back inside. Poor Josie, she is crying and telling me how sad she is. She wasn't throwing a fit, she is getting more used to the truck being "broke". I am crying, too. It is so hard to have to disappoint your child. It made me feel like such a failure, but it isn't anything I have any control over. I called my mom (she is my go-to when life is frustrating me). She helps to calm me down, and suggests some things to do at home. Well, Jocelyn is fairly easily distracted. I think she somehow understands that there is no use crying over spilt milk. She goes on her way, being as sweet and loving as she can be. The Schwan's man comes (always an exciting event in our house, Josie is amazed that he brings the "groceries" without us having to leave the house) and we fix lunch- see we didn't even have to go out! Jocelyn has started praying by herself, so when lunch was ready she asked the blessing. This is her prayer:

Dear God, Thank you for our food. Thank you for our fun day. Thank you that the truck wouldn't start. Thank you that Daddy is coming home to fix it. Amen and Jesus (that is how she ends all her prayers)

I am crying while I am writing this. Oh, how I want that to be my heart. Thank you God, for EVERYTHING. Thank you for my child who is not distraught over circumstances she can't control. Thank you for using her to teach me true gratitude. Thank you for not explaining everything to me, and thank you that she does not ask me to explain everything to her. Most of all, thank you that Daddy is coming home to fix it.:)

What do you say? Maybe this won't be as meaningful to anybody but me. But that doesn't matter. Josie teaches me all kind of things and her sweet heart in the face of trouble made me realize that I can't be anymore concerned about this than she is. She really only saw good. She cried and when she was done she just moved on. The next time we get in the truck she will have just as much faith that it will start. She won't let her faith be swayed by a "no" answer. She knows God has His own plans. I know part of His plan is for me to learn more about Him from my precious three year-old.