If You Listen...

I have really been having some "bad mom" moments lately. It is hard to switch from being half of a pair to going it alone. Especially when the other half it the disciplinarian! Josie and I a seem to butt heads much more frequently than we see eye to eye. I want to be nice, but to be honest she doesn't seem to respond to a bribe as well as she does to a threat. However, there have been some things that we have been doing that are working well. We have been having Friday night "movie night". We put Carson to bed and we watch a girl movie-usually Cinderella (I have got to find something new!) and have "copcorn". Also, we like to go to lunch at Sonic on Saturdays, just the two of us-Carson usually tags along and naps. Eating our lunches (not ever a problem for me, but you have to play along with an almost 3 year old) earns us the "milkashakes" of our choice, "Strawbaberry" for me and "Peanut Butter Budge" for Josie, as she puts it.

I am learning to stand my ground and not be such a pushover. She seems to be responding better to the mix of "special fun times" and more consistent discipline. She wants to spend more time with me since her dad is gone so I have been trying to make sure she gets it. She wanted me to lay in bed with her last night (yes, me laying in her little toddler bed with her looks as funny as you would think) and sing to her. She has never done that before and I was very honored. As we lay there I tried to think of songs that would make appropriate bed time tunes for a toddler and I remembered one from my childhood. My Grams used to have a little tape she always played for us when we rode in her car and this was my favorite:

If you listen,

you can hear,

the voice of Jesus whispering in your ear:

"I'll never leave you or forsake you dear,

I'm right here with you,

what is there to fear?"

If you listen,

you can hear.

Jesus whisper in your ear.

"My child, my child, don't you know?

I love, I love, I love you so!

I'll never, ever let you go!"

Jesus whispers in your ear.

It made me cry. I think the Lord used it to remind me that I am never going it alone unless I choose to. He doesn't yell at me or use hysterics to get my attention, and to remind me that Jocelyn needs me right now, like I need Him. I just have to keep reminding myself that I want to be the kind of Parent He is. I need to listen to Josie and make sure she knows how much I love her without letting her get away with everything. I also need to respond as a child to Him; listening to His discipline and making sure I set aside special times just to be with Him. I am so thankful He is always with me and forgives me even when I am having a "bad mom" day. Now if only I can get Josie to... :)

Hindsight is 20/20

My dear friend Ruth was a very important part of my wedding ceremony, over 5 years ago. Her husband did all the sound and music and also videotaped everything. Well, they were newly married at the time and very busy expecting their first child and my video got set to the side. I actually forgot all about it until they sent it to me in the mail the other day. Wow! What a funny thing, to only have photos and memories and then get a chance to relive everything with sight and sound. First off, I would like to apologize to everyone who attended the ceremony because for some reason unknown to me (or most likely that I just can't remember) everyone was seated and then ended up waiting almost 20 minutes for the ceremony to begin. So very sorry!

However, I got to see some of the neat things all my friends did for me. Someone took care of opening the church. I had a sweet co-worker at the time who took all the pictures. My sister and her friend Heather helped with the decorations. My sister also did my hair and about a million other things. The decorations were just as cute as I remember them being. I can't believe that Jon did all the sound work and video taping free. Then my friend Georgia hosted (and paid!) for the "reception" afterward. Which my sister's mother-in-law hosted in her home! How do you say thank you to all the people that help to make such a special day happen? Why didn't I send them all gift cards?!

However, even though I deserved nothing, they all did what they did without regard as to whether or not it would profit them. I think it is in some ways about paying it forward. I couldn't even find some of those people now if I wanted to thank them. So, I will just have to do my best to return the favor to someone else.

It also showed me that I was as thin as I thought I was-it made me more than a little sad! Josie said I looked like a princess. That is a pretty good compliment from her. I realized my niece was about the same age then that Carson is now. Crazy, huh? Josie actually thought it was her. I also had to laugh when the music I was supposed to walk down the aisle finished as I was mid-way and something else started to play. I am still always late! I had forgotten about that. I also had to laugh when I remembered all the things I did before the ceremony that aren't on the tape. Like shopping with my sister for her dress-nothing like shopping to alleviate stress! Or, going to pick up my flowers at Schnuck's (the grocery store) and Sam's Club. Putting the flowers together for the altar and discovering they didn't fill the vase, and my friend's husband filling a ziploc with water and shoving it in to take up the space-great idea, Jon! Realizing Joel didn't have a boutonniere and giving him the 12th flower from my bouquet of a dozen roses to use. I hope I never get so old that I forget those things. Even with a great video I still have to rely on my own frail memory to remember some things. That's okay because looking back, everything is always prettier, right?

16 Things

I am an in a funk again today. I am tired of my own bad attitude, so I can't imagine how others feel. So, since the opposite of complaining is gratitude I am going to list some things I am thankful for, in hopes I can turn things around.

1. Joel emailed me this morning (even if it was only to nag me!).
2. Jocelyn is (almost) potty-trained.
3. Carson is now feeling better since his two bottom teeth came in.
4. The sun is shining.
5. I don't need milk (hey, it's the little things).
6. Gas was only $3.12, whoo-hoo!
7. I had hot water this morning.
8. My bed is made.
9. Another week is coming to a close, another one to mentally mark off the calendar.
10. Carson's prescription will be free (even though I am crabby that I will probably have to wait forever for it-I am human you know.)
11. We got paid this week.
12. I've already brought my trash can back from the curb after pick-up yesterday (for some unknown reason this makes me really happy-I hate pulling that thing all the way around the building, so I'm glad to have it done.)
13. Josie knows all her colors and can MATCH!
14. I don't have anything scheduled for Saturday-I love a day "off".
15. I have a DVR, so I never miss an episode of "House". :)
16. I am most thankful He is faithful: "If we are faithless, He will remain faithful for He cannot disown himself."

Wow! I do feel better. I just need to remember that all day. 16 things because it is the 16th, just in case you were wondering. I think I am going to try to think of all the things I can be thankful for all day. It might be hard for me, thinking outside the box like that! I'll let you know how it goes.

Sea Cows and Other Important Things

Today in my Bible study we were talking about the tabernacle. The tabernacle was covered in the hides of sea cows. What, you may ask, is a sea cow? That particular answer is beside the point, but just so you know it is basically a manatee. Anyway, that led us to discuss how the hides of said animal were obtained. Did the Lord appoint someone to hunt sea cows? Were they part of the plunder from Egypt? We really don't know, but it led me to ponder several things. First off, if there was someone who was in charge of obtaining the hides then they don't get much credit in the Bible, even though they were an important part of protecting the tabernacle. Secondly, the Lord obviously made sure that it was taken care of, even if we don't know how.

This led me to make some parallels to my own life. I may play an important part in witnessing to someone, or encouraging them in their faith, or providing for a need. However, I may not receive any credit on this side of heaven for what I have done. The reason is, most likely, that I haven't really done anything. The Lord really did it, He didn't need me, although He will use me if I am willing. He works in mysterious ways, ways I can't see or understand. I may not even realize what He is doing, or how He is doing it. I probably won't see the effect He allowed me to have. The point really in my mind is we can't question what the Lord asks us to do. We can't judge whether or not it is important. We just have to trust that His ways are not our ways. We must make sure we do whatever He asks of us-even if it involves obtaining the hides of large sea mammals. :)

Snuggly Weather

We are having what is, at least in my mind, perfect fall weather. It is drizzly and cool, the best kind of stay-at-home weather. Not much induces me to want to stay home, but when it is all dreary and cold, then I do. I turned the heat on for the first time and it has that funny smell that heat has when it has been turned off all summer. I have on a fleecy jacket and I have had on socks all day. Summer turned quickly to autumn; just yesterday it was 75 degrees! I love it, though. It makes me thankful for all the great modern conviences like thermostats, windshield wipers and microwaves (to make popcorn and hot chocolate!). Josie and Carson are wearing long sleeves and pants; I love it when the seasons change so they can wear all the new clothes I have been stocking up on since last year. Don't get me wrong, I probably love a sunny day best of all;` but the first few cold,wet days are always fun, too. The problem is that here in Colorado you get to experience all the seasons at once. Tomorrow they are predicting snow!