And I want to clearly state: I DO NOT have a problem with that! We serve an enormous God, and I believe worship comes in many forms. But let's get this straight: true worship comes from the heart, it's not for show, and it shouldn't be about anyone but your heart and the heart of God. If what I am doing is distracting or for display, then I have missed the point entirely. Raising your hands should only happen because you can't *not* raise your hands- if you didn't you would be so focused on it that you would cease to focus on God. And I truly believe that is the case for many of my fellow worshipers-they must lift their hands, it is an act of true worship.
But the thought of that for myself makes me uncomfortable. For me, raising my hands doesn't promote worship, it inhibits it. I feel as if people are looking at me, and I can't stand that. Worship does not make me feel like raising my hands.
And I realized today why. When I am truly worshiping -in a state where the only beings are me and my Lord, I am humbled, truly in the presence of the King. And that makes me want to fall on my face. I don't want to do anything but bow so deeply that the lowliness of my spirit is completely evidenced by my posture.
And let me tell you: that is a decidedly un-Baptist thing to do. I can't imagine the uproar that would ensue if I laid down on the floor of the sanctuary during Sunday morning service. And that would directly contradict the purpose, because causing a distraction to others would not benefit the heart of worship.
And I'm okay with that. Because I believe in a God who sees and knows our hearts. And He sees my heart, that spiritually I'm down on my face before Him. And so instead, I close my eyes and bow my head. Often tears stream down my face. And I worship: just me and my Lord.
But you better believe- when it really is just me, in the quiet of my own home, I do fall down. I can't not give in to the overwhelming gratitude and humbleness of spirit that overtakes me when I think of the amazing, awesome, completely perfect God that I served. So if you ever see me at church, I might not have "my hands held high", but that is only because I'm too busy on my knees. And I'm pretty sure, that hands raised or hearts kneeling, He finds it all very pleasing.