G.I.G-Day 2

     So, I always like to start off strong, no matter what I am doing. My thinking is that, even if you don't succeed, you have at least begun well and taken advantage of that initial burst of enthusiasm to accomplish as much as you can. Right? I know, "slow and steady" wins the race, but I think in the case of gratitude, you really can't have too much of a good thing, so it is okay to be *really* energetic from the beginning!

     All day I have been thinking of things I am thankful for, which tells me that this challenge is doing exactly what I hoped: opening my eyes to the multitude of things for which I should be offering praise to the Lord for every day! I have thought of dozens of things today to write down, and the biggest problem is narrowing it down to just two.

   If you know me personally, I have terrible struggles with anxiety, and I am going to be gut-level honest with you: nothing sets that off quite the way that the dentist does! And not in the way you would think-I have no problems with the actual process of having my teeth examined. It has everything to do with actually *making* the appointment. I know, I know, I am quite the headcase. Don't try to make it make sense.

   But anyway, Jocelyn had a problem tooth, and I had to make not only the dreaded appointment, I knew that it was time for my kids to switch providers, for a myriad of reasons I won't go in to. But that leads me to my thankful things!

Today I'm grateful for:

1. An easy appointment making process, and a relatively smooth transition (so far) to a new dentist's office for my kids.

2. That the Lord is patient with us in our weaknesses, and no matter how ridiculous or bizarre, He still provides His strength to us even in those things.

 Even though I've posted my two things for today, I am not going to stop looking for things to be grateful for-it is a great way to practice "praying without ceasing", isn't it?

Growing In Gratitude-Day 1

    I haven't blogged much because I kind of feel stuck lately. I'm struggling with a lot of things that I haven't sorted out enough to be able to write about, or even sometimes talk about! I feel like I am walking around wearing a 100 lb. blanket of insecurity and it is really wearing on me. And it makes me feel like a whiner to even mention it.

    Part of it, I think, is that I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I don't have. And I don't mean just things that I can buy at Target. In the past, I would say I have been pretty good at recognizing, from large to small, things for which I am thankful. But lately, the "have nots" have been much louder than the "haves". And if I am tired of it, I can't even begin to imagine how the Lord feels!

So, as cliched as it may be, I figure this month is a great time to start. Being thankful, that is. I love seeing everyone post one thing they are thankful for each day on Facebook, but I am upping the ante for myself. I want to strengthen my "muscle" of gratitude, so to speak. So I am challenging myself to list the same number of things I am thankful for as the date of the month. I will start out small, and end with listing 30 things on the last day, hopefully going deeper and deeper in to a true attitude of gratitude! At the end of the month I should have 465 things for which I am thankful. Are you in?

Today is an easy one, because it is just one! 

1. I am thankful for the view out my window. There is a huge tree and it just makes me happy. It is a delightful reflection of the seasons and I never get tired of looking at it.

I'll see you tomorrow! Feel free to post your thankful thing in the comments, or let me know that you are joining in. Keep track of your thankful things on Facebook, in a notebook, on your blog-just be sure to write them down somewhere. :) 

To Gracey, On Your 1st Birthday

Not a great picture of either of us, and you can tell Carson in a few years what you think of him, but I love you anyway!

Dear Gracey,

              Let me just start by saying: I hope that this blog post, on my very famous, world-renowned blog, doesn't offend your brother and sisters, since I have never written them a post on any of their birthdays. I love them no less than you, but you see, I never had to write a post like this one to any of them either. So, they will just have to trust that Aunt Clare would give her life for any of them, same as you, and they probably don't really want a blog post anyway. They will most likely happily settle for the usual gift card. ;)

     But you, Gracey, where to begin? At the part where you literally are only here because God is so much better, so much more powerful, so much more *grace* full than I could have ever imagined a year ago? Because I thought I knew Him, and then I met you. And if I think you turned my life upside down, I can't even begin to address how your mom and dad feel. But for the grace of God, you should be dead. And that seems like a harsh, hateful thing to say, but it is true. You, my sweet, sweet, niece are the most physical evidence that as the heavens are higher than the earth, so His ways are above our's.

   Your tiny little busted heart could not sustain you. You were so ill, after months of waiting your trademark grin had faded to the faintest smile. You were not doing well. And neither were we. The Lord and I had this conversation every day: "It's today, Lord, right? We've waited long enough, haven't we?". And *my* heart started to fail, and the doubt crept in, whispering in its hateful way... "What if?".

   And I will NEVER forget the night before God graciously reached down and decided to restore your life. I called your mom-she needed help, she was constantly at the hospital, and your brother and sisters needed someone, and she needed someone, and I wanted to be there, but was worried-what if we had months ahead of us? We were looking at plane tickets and trying to make travel plans and nothing was working. I kept hearing a Still Small Voice, and I finally stopped. I could hear, as plain as day, it was saying, "Wait". And I told your mom. And we agreed, we would stop trying to make plans and take the weekend to figure out what the Lord wanted us to do. We prayed, and I felt peace wash over me. I knew the Lord was going to make His will so abundantly clear we would not be able to miss it.

    I went to bed that night and slept like I hadn't slept in weeks. And I woke up to a phone full of messages-that peace? It was the Lord. He was just being patient, wanting me to trust that He had it under control. Do you know what it is like to hear that the Thing you've been praying for-for days, that turned into weeks, that turned into months has finally happened? You feel like you are in a dream. You keep checking-is it real? Yes, it is still real? But is it really real? Yes, it is really real. And you don't know what to say, or do.

    But then, like with all of life, the dream turns into cold, hard reality. And you had your precious donated heart, the greatest physical gift any person can give. There were ups, and there were downs. You could go home, wait; no, you couldn't. You were out of the hospital, now you were back in. You were gaining weight, you were losing weight. And that is when it hit me, as a pastor I once knew used to say, "The way you get in, is the way you go on." We realized: the prayers we had prayed before your gift? Those were the ones we would keep on praying. "Lord, provide." "Lord, sustain."

    So that is you, my darling niece. You never let us forget Who is really calling the shots. Your life screams what we should all take time to remember: every moment is precious, tomorrow is promised to *no one*! You are a breathing, smiling, talking, moving reminder that your life is not your own-you were bought with a price. And every moment is a gift.

   You are me- except you are highlighted, underlined, written in boldest black. You are each of us, we just don't want to see it. Every moment of your life has been bathed, showered, flooded with prayer. And mine should be no different. Because I, too, have been bought with a price. I am not my own. And I am also living on borrowed time, each fragile, priceless moment to be accounted for to Someone Else.

   You have showed me what it means to pray without ceasing. You have shown me how to smile through the pain, to carry on with the glorious task of living in the mundaneness, the beauty and the tragedy that is life. The very prayers I prayed, not just for a heart, but for you to taste ice cream, meet your siblings, sleep in your own bed! have happened before my very eyes. And it, you, are my very own miracle. And I haven't stopped being thankful. And I won't stop being grateful.

   You are amazing Gracey, not because you had a heart transplant, but because God created you. You are amazing Gracey, not because you live on borrowed time, but because we all do, and our time is better because you are in it. You are amazing Gracey, because your smile can light up a room, and your laugh is contagious, and you radiate God's goodness. You are amazing Gracey, because God filled you with possibilities that are on the cusp of being explored, and you get to wear on the outside what most of us only wear on the inside: we are here by God's grace, no more, no less. And I can't wait to see what He has in store for you.

                                                                                    Love Always,
                                                                                               Aunt Clare

C.S. Lewis and Craziness

   I didn't really have the best day. Let's be honest: I haven't really been having an amazing summer. It might look swell on Facebook and Instagram (I'm kind of old-school, and I tend to only post the "good" stuff-I save the whining for the blog! ;) ) but it has been far too busy for my tastes, and I feel like I haven't gotten to do any "savoring"-only flying from one activity to the next with plenty of hiccups and missteps sprinkled in. Definitely FWP, I know! So, I spent a considerable portion of my afternoon partying-I mean the pity kind. And to distract my self from my "too much fun" woes, I did what any self-respecting person with an iPhone does: I got on Facebook.

    How in the world did I think *that* would make me feel better?! The first two stories in my newsfeed? These horrific murders in Oklahoma-two brothers killed their parents and siblings, and the breaking story of a shooting spree in a Louisiana theater. And this all comes amidst the recent allegations that Planned Parenthood is in the business of selling baby body parts. (Sorry, but that was NOT surprising, just sickening and sad.) WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!!!

    Sadly, all those messes did put my trifling "problems" in perspective, but I was still feeling pretty down. Kind of like when you complain that you have been suffering with a cold and someone says, "Well, at least you don't have cancer!" Because *that* just makes you feel alllll better, amiright? Except, not really, because you still have a cold, which makes you whiny, and now you are feeling sorry for all the people in the world who have real problems, and being all depressed that you can't do anything about it.

  So, I turned off Facebook, after posting this verse, (because I 100% believe that the Word is appropriate at all times and for all reasons). And tried to carry on with real life. That thing I keep complaining about, you know?

  And my kids were clamoring to read "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", because like any intelligent thinkers, they are powerless to resist C.S. Lewis' brilliant storytelling. And they begged for another chapter, so I read two. And I began to think about how awful Narnia was. We had just finished the chapter where they find Mr. Tumnus' tossed home. (Sorry, I guess I should have posted a spoiler alert for the two people in the world who haven't read The Chronicles of Narnia.) Things are really grim, and because "this ain't my first rodeo" so to speak, I know that things will only continue to get worse. They will find much greater evil than a ransacked house. And it will shake them up.

    And it is scary-to face the reality that you are a child and you cannot possibly know how to get yourself out of  a situation that you did not create, and are seemingly helpless to control. Where things keep going wrong. A world where it is "always winter but never Christmas".

   And doesn't that just feel like the world we live in? Always dreary, often frightening, sinister and cruel-where those in power are bent on our destruction, and it seems that in addition to being at cross purposes with all our ideals and morals, our very lives are at stake. But see, you and I, being the savvy readers that we are, know this: it is all just stage setting. It is all just a build-up to the final, glorious climax. It seemingly takes forever, you realize that especially when you are reading it out loud to small children, but these details are painted vividly for a reason: it will make the triumph of good over evil all that much more delicious.

   Because we all know the good guy wins! Don't get me wrong: I am not saying that God promotes murdering, thievery, and wanton disregard for His law just to prove a point, or make the finale even more grand, but we do not need to lose hope.

"One of you routs a thousand, because the Lord your God fights for you, just as He promised. So be very careful to love the Lord your God." Joshua 23:10-11 (NIV)

   We aren't in this all alone-we need to not lose hope. We have been promised that in the end WE WILL WIN. The crux of the whole thing is this: we just need to be very careful to love the Lord. The impossible is possible with Him-grandiose endings are kind of His thing. Just as it took insane trust for the Pevensie children to believe that Aslan could deliver not just them, but all of Narnia, it takes the doesn't-make-sense-in-the-eyes-of-the-world faith to believe that one can rout a thousand. And I don't know about you, but I would have never guessed that Narnia would be saved in the manner it was.

   "All shall be done, but it may be harder than you think."  C.S. Lewis, I am quite certain, did not write those words only for children. He knew, as any believer does, that God's ways are not our ways.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

   Today, all seems wrong with the world. It will take an insane amount of trust to believe, that in this completely crazy world, that Someone can come along and make everything right. And that He may be willing to let me have a part in that. But it is so true, and the ending will be so much better than anything I can imagine or hope. I am quite certain it will be harder than I think, but there is amazing comfort in knowing that it shall all be done.

                                                                             Above all, contemplating Him,
                                                                                                               Clare

P.S. I guess this is kind of theme in my life lately, since my last post was this one. Sorry-sometimes I get kind of fixated...or maybe I just need a lot of reminders. ;)

It's Not The End...

    I really can't stand letting an entire month go by without posting. So, even though I am usually in bed by now (I am a *firm* believer in getting enough sleep, so I am usually in bed by 10 or 10:30 pm) I just couldn't let June slip by unnoticed.

   June certainly deserves notice, but due to the actual living of life, the recording of it has gone by the wayside, hopefully only momentarily. There was a wedding, and a recruitment to a Very Important Committee, and birthdays, and family and parties and a number of painful things that I really can't go into detail about. Posts are always swirling in my head, but they just never hit the top of the priority list. Family, and church, and friends, and occasionally this little thing we like to call laundry, definitely upset the rankings.

   And some days, lately, there is a lot more "Come, Lord Jesus", than "This is the day the Lord has made...". But I saw the card up above, and I had to take a picture, because that is just the God's honest truth-and I am not saying that in a jesting manner. Truly, I have been promised that it will all turn out for the best. And it won't be okay in the "mediocre-just-getting-by"sense, but okay in the "everything-will-make-sense-and-we-will-all-know-true-Love" sense. Because Romans 8:28 is more real than my feet at the end of my legs.

    "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

   Life is crazy. For me, at least, always has been, always will be. And I'm okay with that. I have been called according to a purpose, and it is, He is, so much greater than me. I hashtagged this pic with #alreadyknowhowitends.  I do. Thank God.  Because that card? Whoever wrote it hasn't been clued in yet: they say the Author is unknown, but I know Who it is. He gave me salvation and it comes with a promise: in the end, I will be with Him, in the perfectness of eternity, and it will be glorious beyond my imagination, because He is glorious beyond comprehension. And so, this month may not have made it onto my humble little blog, but I busy working for a Purpose, and even if it all seems wrong, in the end, it will be oh so right. It will definitely be okay. Thank You Jesus...