See What You Want to See

(This is a five minute blog post.)

   What do you see when you see me? To be honest, I'm never really sure. I try to spend less time thinking about what other think these days, so I can spend more time thinking about what God thinks, instead. I don't say that to try to sound holier-than-thou, more that I am prone to be too introspective, too easily swayed by the opinions of others.

   And also because the longer I am around, the more I realize: we see what we want to see. We meet someone new and we instantly start forming opinions, applying adjectives: short, tall, skinny, plump, smart, sweet, in-charge, mousy, silly, rich, frugal, and the list continues on, never-ending. And most of the time we make a snap decision: I do or don't like this person. And then we expect them to carry the weight of our expectations.

   Sometimes this happens in a few moments, other times it can be built out of long-term data: a person's Facebook page, their Instagram account, their family, their other friends, their positions at work, at church. We don't really get to know them, instead we play Sherlock Holmes, collecting information that supports our theories, discarding what doesn't suit.

    But do we really get to *know* them? Very few of us fit neatly in boxes. Very few of us suit the label "perfect". Very, very few of us, when you boil it down to the bare bones, are deserving of jealousy. Very few of us want to incite that feeling in others.

"Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?" Proverbs 27:4 NIV

   Sometimes I want to borrow the refrain of the rebellious teenager, "You don't know me! You don't know my life!" Because, sadly, this is often true. You judged me based on what you wanted to see, you never took the time to get to truly know me.

   And the reverse is often true. You intimidated me, you sparked the green monster of envy, you looked pulled together, fit, you were smart and sassy, confident in your decisions. So, I never chose to look past the labels that I slapped on you, perhaps some fitting, others just a mistake made in haste. I never asked you if you had needs, or burdens. I never wanted to let you outside the box I created, it was too much work to re-think things.

   "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2 NIV

   It was too much work to bear with you, to suffer through your ups and downs while suffering through my own. I didn't want to be patient; I wanted you to be what I thought you should be now. Or I thought you were something you weren't, and I was unwilling to see where the road might take us.

   I'm sorry for the times that I only saw what I wanted to see. The times that I missed out on beautiful friendships because of jealousy, or fear, or impatience. I'm sorry for the things you missed out on with me-that I am many, many things, but none of them is perfect. Perhaps the next time we can be brave enough to look past, look through, look into, and not only see what we want to see.

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:11 NIV 

500

 

    Eight and half years. A deployment, two moves, eight job changes, three houses (not including the three months we lived with my mom). Lots of teaching: my kids, VBS, women's Bible study, co-op, adult Sunday School. Vacations, travels, trips to foreign countries near and far. The death of both of my grandmothers. A heart transplant for my niece. 500 posts.

    This blog. It is hard to believe that I have typed my way through all that living. I've been published by bigger blogs, better blogs. I have photographed, and made graphics, and put together Bible reading guides, an Advent devotional, new recipes, tons of thank-you gifts and many festivities. I have 30 days of party planning, and things I am thankful for. I've added a Facebook page and joined Instagram.

   And if I have thought about quitting once, I've thought about it a million times. I have to remind myself that this blog was never for fame or fortune, because if it was I have failed abysmally. It was just a chance to put myself out there, an opportunity to expose small bits of my heart and home with anyone willing to take a few minutes to read my little thoughts.

    And I have. This blog became something I would have never imagined. It has been my place on the web to share my thoughts and feelings, but most importantly, my faith. I know there are plenty of posts that no one on here but my family has read, and that is okay. Because sometimes, these words are simply a prayer, begging the Lord to use me in the smallest of ways, allowing me to say something that would point to His glory even if it is in broken and halting words.

  It is continually changing, but it has always been constant in this one thing: it is me. The trying, the failing, the fears, the triumphs. I write because some days I literally *have* to. I have always dreamed of becoming an author, and while I usually deny it, in all honesty this little piece of the internet has given me that chance. No one tells me what to say, no one tells me how to say it. It has brought me to tears more times than I care to recall.

   I went through several Scripture choices before I settled on the one that has been my tagline for several years now. It is a snippet of Ephesians 5:16 which says,in context with verses 15 and 17:

 "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."

     I love all of the Word but there are certain parts that I would have to confess are my favorites. These verses, this is the cry of my heart. I just want to be wise. I want to understand the Lord's will. I am so thankful that He allows me to share here. I am so thankful that He allows me to spread His Word in my own small way. I know that often, due to the pull of the sin nature and fear, I don't make the most of *every* opportunity, but this blog has helped me to make the most of far more than I would have. The Lord has used it to mold me, pull me out of my shell, teach me how to share, and to love better. And I am very thankful for that.

   And I am so thankful for you. If you are reading this, I am truly thankful that you give up a little of your time to share it with me. You may have never left a comment, pinned a post, followed me on Facebook or even stopped by here with any great regularity. But I see the little number go up when a post is viewed and even if I don't know you, I know you were there. You spent a few minutes getting to know me and I am grateful. I hope that if there is ever any way you think I could make more of my opportunities, I would love to hear it. If there is any way I can ever show Christ to you, please let me know. I hope to be here for a while, as long as the Lord allows, making the most of every opportunity...

Growing In Gratitude-Day 1

    I haven't blogged much because I kind of feel stuck lately. I'm struggling with a lot of things that I haven't sorted out enough to be able to write about, or even sometimes talk about! I feel like I am walking around wearing a 100 lb. blanket of insecurity and it is really wearing on me. And it makes me feel like a whiner to even mention it.

    Part of it, I think, is that I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I don't have. And I don't mean just things that I can buy at Target. In the past, I would say I have been pretty good at recognizing, from large to small, things for which I am thankful. But lately, the "have nots" have been much louder than the "haves". And if I am tired of it, I can't even begin to imagine how the Lord feels!

So, as cliched as it may be, I figure this month is a great time to start. Being thankful, that is. I love seeing everyone post one thing they are thankful for each day on Facebook, but I am upping the ante for myself. I want to strengthen my "muscle" of gratitude, so to speak. So I am challenging myself to list the same number of things I am thankful for as the date of the month. I will start out small, and end with listing 30 things on the last day, hopefully going deeper and deeper in to a true attitude of gratitude! At the end of the month I should have 465 things for which I am thankful. Are you in?

Today is an easy one, because it is just one! 

1. I am thankful for the view out my window. There is a huge tree and it just makes me happy. It is a delightful reflection of the seasons and I never get tired of looking at it.

I'll see you tomorrow! Feel free to post your thankful thing in the comments, or let me know that you are joining in. Keep track of your thankful things on Facebook, in a notebook, on your blog-just be sure to write them down somewhere. :) 

31 Day Reading Guide to Ephesians

 Join me on Facebook to discuss and share what you are learning this month. It's a great way to stay accountable!

   I am so excited to share this special New Year's gift with you. It's a Bible reading guide for the book of Ephesians! I have a passion for the Word, and I love to study and read it. However, I have started to realize that it is a daunting book for so many people, and I think that it is a tragedy that they allow that fear to keep them from delving into one of God's greatest gifts to us. The Bible *is* an exceptionally complex, challenging book. However, that should be the last thing that keeps you from reading it, because we are promised that the Holy Spirit will help us to understand:

"What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord
    so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ." " 1 Corinthians 2:12-16 (NIV)

   (By the way, that is a passage we will cover this month!)  We are promised that the Spirit will teach us and impart wisdom. Sometimes, though, it is still hard to know where to start! But if your New Year's resolution is to read your Bible, then I would love to help. I have put together a reading guide that will take you through the entire book of Ephesians ( Did you know it is called the greatest of all of Paul's letters?) including background, and complimentary/explanatory passages. You will read a passage from Ephesians one day, and then the following day you will read other verses from the New and Old Testament that will help you to have a richer understanding of the Ephesians verses.  I've even made a printable!

Right click on the image to save and print

 All you need to do is print it out and place it with your Bible. I folded mine in half and plan on using it as a bookmark. I have scheduled it so that you will not have any passages to read on Sundays. However, that isn't a day "off"- it is a day that you can look up additional verses on your own, focus on different portions of Scripture, or catch-up if you missed a day. I

   The Word will never return void, so if  all you do is read the passages you will be blessed. However, if you are looking to dig deeper, I encourage you to keep a journal, and write down your thoughts and impressions. Or perhaps you could choose one of the particularly meaningful sections to memorize. How ever you use it, I hope it provides a jumping-off point to a deeper relationship with God this year! That is one of my New Year's goals that never changes.

P.S. I made a little error in two of the dates. If you are using the printable for January, you will see that the 11th and 12th need to be switched (read on the 11th, rest on Sunday the 12th) and the 18th and 19th (read on the 18th, rest on the 19th). I hate mistakes, but hopefully this won't be too big of  deal. Thanks for understanding.


Are you looking for Bible study tools? Here are some of my favorites!

Linking to:
"Whatever Goes Wednesdays" at Someday Crafts
"Create it Thursday" at Lambert's Lately
"Fabulously Frugal Thursday" at A Life in Balance 
"Thursdays are Your Days" at 52 Mantels
"All Things Thursday" at All Things With Purpose
"Pin It Thursday" at Sweet Bella Roos
"Thrifty Thursday" at Living Well, Spending Less
"Craft Frenzy Friday" at Craft Dictator 
"Super Saturday" at Made From Pinterest

Easy Does It

  

     Sometimes, (okay, most of the time) I just want things to be easy. I like simple, uncomplicated, no-fuss. I do make exceptions (especially when it comes to party planning) but for the most part, I just want things to be easy.

   I like to make crafts, and I have some rules. To be easy it:

1. Can't take more than about an hour (somehow I have equated easy with instant gratification)
2. Can't require a sewing machine (mostly because I don't have one because I couldn't use mine, so I returned it!)
3. Can't involve drawing or painting (other than just actually covering an object with paint-if you want the paint to look like something, say a person, I am *not* your girl.)
4. Can't require anything that I can't find at Target/Hobby Lobby/ The Dollar Tree or a combination of the three.

I also have some rules about cooking. To be easy it:

1. Needs to take me less than 30 minutes to put it together. I don't care how long it has to cook-in my oven, on the stovetop or in the crock pot, but I don't want to prep it for more than 30 minutes.
2. Preferably it is cooked in my crock pot, because I don't need to attend to that in any way.
3. It can't require weird ingredients-especially spices I don't keep on hand. Like coriander, or cumin. Or pretty much anything that isn't taco seasoning or Italian spices.
4. It shouldn't require a thermometer. Candy, meat or otherwise. Those things hate me!

 I also have some rules about technology. To be easy it:

1. Needs to have explicit directions that my 5 year-old will understand. It should not include any type of instructions beyond: copy this, paste it here. 
2. It should pretty much be something I can do on my iPhone. See above. 

    Are you picking up on what I'm putting down? To me, easy equals proficiency, and clearly, that is limited on my part. I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, I don't necessarily like to learn new things. I hate to admit it, but it is true. However, that doesn't seem to be the life God has called me to.  And then, I read things like this:

"He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join Him in the work He does, the good work He has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing."

 Ephesians 2, roughly verse 10, (the Message)

      God's work is simple-but it is not easy. Getting up every morning, schooling my kids, being kind when I don't feel like, doing laundry, making dinner-those concepts aren't complicated, but sometimes they are beyond easy. And sometimes He calls us to even bigger things- weathering a serious illness, or death, working on the mission field, heading up a major project. And those are even more complicated! But that is when I have to remind myself: this is what I was created for. Maybe those things are not always monumental, but they are important. 

   When I consider salvation- it is so simple! Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved. But it certainly wasn't easy:

  Going a little ahead, He (Jesus) fell to the ground and prayed for a way out: “Papa, Father, you can—can’t you?—get me out of this. Take this cup away from me. But please, not what I want—what do you want?”

Mark 14:35-36 (The Message)

    I will be honest- I had forgotten that I was searching in The Message (I use www.biblegateway.com for my translation work, if you were wondering.) when I looked this up. And when I read it, it just blows me away. "Not what I want-what do YOU want, Father?". Oh, for that to be my heart. That I would quit longing for easy, and long instead for simplicity: to simply be what God wants me to be. Trusting that He will provide all I need- that instead of my proficiency, I would rely on His provision. Instead of my competency, I would trust His compassion. Then, I think I will be surprised. Because then won't it really be so much more easy?

FIVE Years! Happy Anniversary, Clare's Contemplations!

I had no idea, when my aunt first started her blog, and told me I should start one, that it would still be going. It has been crazy, and I have covered so many things, and so much of my life has been documented for the world to see. My first blog post was only five sentences long and didn't really say much of anything! And now, today, it has been FIVE years!

 In some ways, I feel that the age of my blog is appropriate-I can do so much more now than I did originally (Pinterest! Better photos! Text on photos! Link-within! Link parties!Stats!) but I still have a loooong way to go-anyone know how to put those nifty Pinterest/Facebook/email buttons on the sidebar? I do really feel like a 5 year-old, I can do a lot more than I used to, but I ain't ready for a full-time job just yet!;)

But I have to say, I am really proud of myself. I have fought, and tried, and given up, and tried again with this blog. It has taught me so much about myself, my pride and my fears, my loves and my needs, that I don't regret it. I know that 40,000 pageviews over the lifetime of a 5 year-old blog is literally nothing. But like I said in this post , I have to remind myself over and over that I am just trying my hardest to let God lead. There are always lots of ideas that swirl around that I would love to try-hosting my own link party, giveaways, a weekly blog feature, but it just hasn't been the right time.

However, after a lot of prayer and consideration, Clare's Contemplations has its own Facebook page! I would love, love, love it if you would "like" it on Facebook! You can either click through here www.facebook/clarescontemplations, or use the link at the top of the sidebar. It is really nerve-wracking, because I know there are people out there looking at my blog, but they aren't commenting, and I am hoping Facebook will be a less stressful place for us all to interact. It is hard for me to put myself out there like that, but I just felt like the Lord was saying the timing was right.

If you're curious though, here is my blog by the numbers:

Followers:10. Just being honest here-that is really, really, sad. But whatever.
Most viewed post: Superhero Baby Shower with close to 5,000 pageviews. Thank you, Pinterest!
Most commented on post: The Hand of God with a grand total of 8!

However, I have seen some things I never expected-I know that the Lord is working, and He is doing it in a way that will bring the most glory to Himself. So, I just keep praying about it and trucking along, and I know that He will bless it as He sees fit.

On of my biggest discoveries has been the recent addition of my tagline: "Making the most of every opportunity...". That is taken straight from Ephesians 5:

"...Find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:10-20

I truly can't think of any other passage that sums up my life's goals and purposes more than this one. I want to use this blog as a reflection of my life: one that pleases the Lord, and draws others to Him. I truly want to honor Him. Thanks for being part of my journey-I know there are more of you out there than I can see, and even if the number is small, I hope you know how important you are to me. Here's to as many more years of blogging as the Lord sees fit...