Five Minutes

     Five minutes. It isn't very long, but it can be productive. I haven't blogged in far too long, and I keep thinking about it. Obviously, that isn't translating to action, but over all these months I have appeared quiet my mind has never stopped thinking about posting.

   I think we were made to be productive. We were created in the image of God, and He made all things. He shows us in so many ways through creation that producing, creating, is part of His plan. Yes, there are other places and ways that I "produce" or "create", but none has ever felt so much "me" as pecking away on this little corner of the internet.

   I think my demands for myself are always greater than the ones that anyone else has for me. Heck, half the time I don't think anyone is even reading what I write so why do I insist that it be perfect? It never has been anyway. I want to have a great title, wonderful photos, graphics I designed myself. And I am sure there is a time and place for those things, people who are called to do that. But right here, right now, that isn't me.

   I tried keeping a journal, but it isn't the same. So here I am. I am committing to sit down and write. Even if it is only for five minutes. I won't say that I will do it every day, but my goal is more than once a week. If I get started and want to keep going after five minutes, fine. If not, I am holding myself accountable to this: I will press "publish" before I close my laptop. Even if it is a mess. Even if there are typos. Even without photos. Even if no one reads it. Because I feel like this is something I need to do. I was made to create.

500

 

    Eight and half years. A deployment, two moves, eight job changes, three houses (not including the three months we lived with my mom). Lots of teaching: my kids, VBS, women's Bible study, co-op, adult Sunday School. Vacations, travels, trips to foreign countries near and far. The death of both of my grandmothers. A heart transplant for my niece. 500 posts.

    This blog. It is hard to believe that I have typed my way through all that living. I've been published by bigger blogs, better blogs. I have photographed, and made graphics, and put together Bible reading guides, an Advent devotional, new recipes, tons of thank-you gifts and many festivities. I have 30 days of party planning, and things I am thankful for. I've added a Facebook page and joined Instagram.

   And if I have thought about quitting once, I've thought about it a million times. I have to remind myself that this blog was never for fame or fortune, because if it was I have failed abysmally. It was just a chance to put myself out there, an opportunity to expose small bits of my heart and home with anyone willing to take a few minutes to read my little thoughts.

    And I have. This blog became something I would have never imagined. It has been my place on the web to share my thoughts and feelings, but most importantly, my faith. I know there are plenty of posts that no one on here but my family has read, and that is okay. Because sometimes, these words are simply a prayer, begging the Lord to use me in the smallest of ways, allowing me to say something that would point to His glory even if it is in broken and halting words.

  It is continually changing, but it has always been constant in this one thing: it is me. The trying, the failing, the fears, the triumphs. I write because some days I literally *have* to. I have always dreamed of becoming an author, and while I usually deny it, in all honesty this little piece of the internet has given me that chance. No one tells me what to say, no one tells me how to say it. It has brought me to tears more times than I care to recall.

   I went through several Scripture choices before I settled on the one that has been my tagline for several years now. It is a snippet of Ephesians 5:16 which says,in context with verses 15 and 17:

 "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."

     I love all of the Word but there are certain parts that I would have to confess are my favorites. These verses, this is the cry of my heart. I just want to be wise. I want to understand the Lord's will. I am so thankful that He allows me to share here. I am so thankful that He allows me to spread His Word in my own small way. I know that often, due to the pull of the sin nature and fear, I don't make the most of *every* opportunity, but this blog has helped me to make the most of far more than I would have. The Lord has used it to mold me, pull me out of my shell, teach me how to share, and to love better. And I am very thankful for that.

   And I am so thankful for you. If you are reading this, I am truly thankful that you give up a little of your time to share it with me. You may have never left a comment, pinned a post, followed me on Facebook or even stopped by here with any great regularity. But I see the little number go up when a post is viewed and even if I don't know you, I know you were there. You spent a few minutes getting to know me and I am grateful. I hope that if there is ever any way you think I could make more of my opportunities, I would love to hear it. If there is any way I can ever show Christ to you, please let me know. I hope to be here for a while, as long as the Lord allows, making the most of every opportunity...

Announcing "Clare's Contemplations.com"!

         So, I am the least of all technologically competent people. But my sweet husband knew that I longed for my own domain name. So, as the *perfect* Christmas present, he bought it for me! What does that mean for you? Well, the short version: you no longer need to type "blogspot" to get to my site. Instead, www.clarescontemplations.com is the new address. The old one will still get you here, as my blog is still hosted by Blogger. But my new "sleek" name will start showing up in my posts, and also in my links. I am starting to feel like a real blogger people! Yay! What a way to start 2014.:)

FIVE Years! Happy Anniversary, Clare's Contemplations!

I had no idea, when my aunt first started her blog, and told me I should start one, that it would still be going. It has been crazy, and I have covered so many things, and so much of my life has been documented for the world to see. My first blog post was only five sentences long and didn't really say much of anything! And now, today, it has been FIVE years!

 In some ways, I feel that the age of my blog is appropriate-I can do so much more now than I did originally (Pinterest! Better photos! Text on photos! Link-within! Link parties!Stats!) but I still have a loooong way to go-anyone know how to put those nifty Pinterest/Facebook/email buttons on the sidebar? I do really feel like a 5 year-old, I can do a lot more than I used to, but I ain't ready for a full-time job just yet!;)

But I have to say, I am really proud of myself. I have fought, and tried, and given up, and tried again with this blog. It has taught me so much about myself, my pride and my fears, my loves and my needs, that I don't regret it. I know that 40,000 pageviews over the lifetime of a 5 year-old blog is literally nothing. But like I said in this post , I have to remind myself over and over that I am just trying my hardest to let God lead. There are always lots of ideas that swirl around that I would love to try-hosting my own link party, giveaways, a weekly blog feature, but it just hasn't been the right time.

However, after a lot of prayer and consideration, Clare's Contemplations has its own Facebook page! I would love, love, love it if you would "like" it on Facebook! You can either click through here www.facebook/clarescontemplations, or use the link at the top of the sidebar. It is really nerve-wracking, because I know there are people out there looking at my blog, but they aren't commenting, and I am hoping Facebook will be a less stressful place for us all to interact. It is hard for me to put myself out there like that, but I just felt like the Lord was saying the timing was right.

If you're curious though, here is my blog by the numbers:

Followers:10. Just being honest here-that is really, really, sad. But whatever.
Most viewed post: Superhero Baby Shower with close to 5,000 pageviews. Thank you, Pinterest!
Most commented on post: The Hand of God with a grand total of 8!

However, I have seen some things I never expected-I know that the Lord is working, and He is doing it in a way that will bring the most glory to Himself. So, I just keep praying about it and trucking along, and I know that He will bless it as He sees fit.

On of my biggest discoveries has been the recent addition of my tagline: "Making the most of every opportunity...". That is taken straight from Ephesians 5:

"...Find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:10-20

I truly can't think of any other passage that sums up my life's goals and purposes more than this one. I want to use this blog as a reflection of my life: one that pleases the Lord, and draws others to Him. I truly want to honor Him. Thanks for being part of my journey-I know there are more of you out there than I can see, and even if the number is small, I hope you know how important you are to me. Here's to as many more years of blogging as the Lord sees fit...

Why in the World Am I Doing This?

So, I have a whole series of posts on the wedding and other trip things planned, and then I realized last night that I can't find my camera cord. Posting those posts without photos would be like having a s'more without a marshmallow-kind of icky. I had already planned to start blogging more frequently (even since the beginning of the year, my goal has been to blog at least once a week) and since I came home I was planning on blogging every night, even if I didn't hit publish.

But when I realized my camera cord was MIA, I started to feel sorry for myself. Why do I post anyway? Basically, the only people reading this are my aunt, my sisters and sometimes my mom. And they pretty much lived through all the wedding craziness with me. So they probably don't need an extended play-by-play.

As a matter of fact, why do I blog at all? I have been at this for almost *five* years (Next month is my anniversary, just in case you wanted to send a gift!) and I have precious little to show for it. Yes, I have a record of many of our little family's memories, which is wonderful. But I could have put together photo books for that and not displayed it like I thought it was so important that the whole world wanted to see it.

And my little spiritual musings, well, let's be honest. I'm no Beth Moore, or Ann Voskamp! And then I bizarrely mix that up with craft projects, and bizarre ramblings of other kinds and you kind of have a mess. That, I suppose, is why I named this "Clare's Contemplations"-it's basically your view into the utter disaster that is my mind.

Which leads me back to where I started. Why in the world am I wasting my time on this at all? I have looked at way too many blogs that have only been around for a year (or less!) that have literally thousands of more readers than I do. I know I don't follow the "rules"-I don't post often enough, I don't comment enough, I haven't submitted any guest posts, I don't link to enough parties. So, I really don't have anyone to blame but myself.

But, you see, I keep praying about this whole blogging thing. I think, "I will plunge in wholeheartedly and do a million linky parties, and pin faithfully, and write up a guest post and post more often and comment on at least "X" number of blogs." And I feel the Spirit say, "Wait". And then I think, that's okay, I will just close up shop and put all this childish foolishness behind me. And again, I feel the Spirit say, "Wait".

And I don't understand why. I'm not doing any good am I? Not that I can see.

 ^"Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction;

whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

 Let us not become weary in doing good,

for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Therefore, as we have opportunity,

let us do good to all people,

especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

Galatians 6:8-10

 

See, I read this blog this morning. And I also read this:

 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,

 let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame,

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners,

so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

 Hebrews 12:1-3 

 

I'm doing this because I can't *not* do it. Because even though it embarasses me, and frustrates me, confuses me and confounds me, I'm just called to do it. And I don't get to see where the seeds I have sown have fallen. Because it keeps me humble and refines my faith, and causes me to focus on Who I am really doing this for.

 

Like being a wife.

Like being a mother.

Like being a homeschooler.

Like being a friend.

Like giving my widow's mite.

Like being a believer.

 

And so, on those days when I am feeling especially low, I go to the One who never wearies of me, no matter how pitiful I am. The One who sees past the bad grammar, and run-on sentences, the menial grasping at words to try to explain how the Word and the Spirit are at work in my life into what is truly going on: a continual perfecting of the good work He started in me. And I will keep planting seeds, even if I never see the fruit. I will keep chugging along, until I am given the freedom to stop. And that may be tomorrow, next year, or at the end of my life. Until then, I will continue to consider Him and not lost heart.

 

 

3 Year Blog-O-Versary and an Update

So, I was reading some of my blog posts from when I first started blogging (if you are ever interested my first post is here) and realized that Iwas much better about actually talking about my life in the beginning. That may or may not interest you, but it was really great to have those memories recorded. There was a number of things I had forgotten about (particularly this hilarious incident involving a strange cat) and I realized that this is a good place to see where I was growing. August is the month I started blogging, and believe it or not, this marks THREE years!

I also realized something else (you can look to your right on the blog and see this, but I will recap in case you are lazy and don't want to scroll around the page).

In 2008, I blogged 46 times. In 2009, it was 57. In 2010, 66. This year, 52 times (53 including this post). That may sound good, because each year it has increased. However, let me remind you that I blogged 46 times in the first 5 months! That means I averaged posting right around 2x a week in the first year, and only about 1x a week the next year.

Part of that is easy to explain. Joel deployed in September 2008, and initially I had more time for blogging. Then I started adding things to my schedule and it got crazy. It hasn't stopped. But this is important to me, so I am choosing to make it a priority. And also to record some of the smaller, but just-as-important-to-me happenings.

So, in the name of status updates here is what I have been doing:

1. Physical therapy. Three times a week. Every week. I love it-not kidding. It is relaxing to me to get to simply follow instructions for an hour and nothing else. It is a long, boring story but the short version is: my knee cap is out of place, and I have swelling in the tissue underneath it (and the bursae, for those of you who know what that means). It was causing me quite a bit of pain, and the therapy is really helping. I may have a tear in my meniscus (part of the knee that helps it to move freely), we will find out for sure when I have an MRI in September.

2. Joel is getting out. He will wear his uniform for the last time on August 30th *tear*, followed by about 7 weeks of leave. We have a multitude of praises: two years of commissary privileges, six month extension on health insurance, and last but not least, he will get both a lump sum and (small, but still praise-worthy) monthly payments.

3. He has decided to attend school to become a mechanic. I am thrilled, mostly because I really feel like the Lord is clearly leading in all of this. We still have miles to go before we sleep, but this is a big first step.

4. In other, less life-changing news: Jocelyn has learned how to ride her bike without training wheels! It took her about an hour-she is amazing! Now, every day she begs to ride it. PE-check!

5. I will be starting my second year leading our moms' group at church. I am still completely unqualified, thankfully I serve an amazing God who equips faithfully. I am anxious to focus more attention on that this year, I have tons of ideas and hope I can conjure up some follow-through.

6. We are getting ready to start first grade with Jocelyn. Nothing in my life daunts me quite like homeschooling-I still feel like I am just play-acting, not actually teaching. It is a learning process, and Carson is insistent on starting preschool, so I will probably dabble in that as well. I have almost all my curriculum lined up, I just need to get a schedule together.

That is definitely not "all" we are doing, there is plenty of couponing, and photo-booking, and blog-reading and I am dipping my toes into Pinterest (can anyone say "time-suck"?). Not so much cooking or cleaning. I hope to get something crafty going soon, I am kind of missing it. We are enjoying doing nothing with Joel, lots of 1/2 price floats at Sonic, and going to the movies, and the park-that kind of thing. It has been a good summer, however, I am looking forward to seeing what the next couple of months bring. And doing more blogging!

Wanted: Your Opinion

What do you think of the new header? What about the layout? I know what I like, but sometimes it is hard to know if that is working for anyone else. I have a tendency towards minimalistic styles- I think they are a little easier to read. I feel like this layout is a little cramped, with all the space on the sides, but some of the other options seemed too stretched. Anything technical takes me so long- it took me almost 2 hours to get that header together and up! I know, it is probably easy-peasy to those of you who are educated in such matters, but I am completely self-taught. In this case, I am fairly pleased with the results, but I am always looking to please my "audience" first! So, tell me what you think...

Grab My Button-NOW!

I am proud to announce the blog accessory you have all been longing for: a Clare's Contemplation blog button! I know, I know, now your life is complete. Anyway, I just wanted you all to be notified. If you have been looking at my blog at all over the last couple of days, I apologize, this is actually the third version. The first was ugly (it was really only a test version) and the second had a huge glaring typo. They are A LOT of work for someone who has no knowledge of HTML or CSS (that would be me) so I am guessing I will keep this one for a while. Just in case you were wondering, the silhouette is actually of Jocelyn. Kind of cool, huh? I wanted a photo that wouldn't compete with the wording. If you have any suggestions about making it better, let me know, and if you love me, you will put this on your blog. Just kidding-sort of.

Post on Blog

I read a post today on a blog that I have never visited before. I will not post the link because she used some rather vulgar language (there is not a rating system for blogs!) I kind of got the point of what she was trying to say. The post was about not being jealous of huge bloggers with tons of comments (Bakerella or Pioneer Woman anybody?) because everybody started out small.

Not only that, but what are you blogging for? I love, love, love comments. I would have to be dead to not enjoy feedback, especially of the positive kind. However, I really need to blog for myself. I need a place to record memories, flesh out my strange thoughts, and basically just see myself "in print"! I won't lie and say that I don't entertain thoughts that one day I will have 100+ comments. But then I remember all the blogs that I read, some only once and others more frequently, that I never leave a comment on. That doesn't mean that no one is reading it, it may be that they didn't really feel like they needed to leave a comment. Plus, I am a little unsure as to proper blog etiquette. I don't know if people will like me "creeping" on them! I guess I really should leave feedback, but truly I often have nothing nice to say. Sometimes it is because I am jealous, other times I may not agree. I'm guessing that there are a few people out there (mostly related to me) who read my blog and never comment.

Blogging makes me happy though. Even the days that I don't get any comments. I realize that I would have to put A LOT more effort into this if I wanted to build it into something that garnered a wider audience. But for right now, I am happy with what is, in essence, talking to myself!:)

In A Funk

So, I feel like I haven't posted anything meaningful in a 'coon's age (isn' that a great southern expression?!) and when I have it has been forced. I don't know what my deal is but things just aren't flowing. I wanted to put up a fun post about my birthday but I think that will have to wait. I am kind of having a pity party and it is taking a while to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I don't know what my deal is, nothing in particular is wrong. I think perhaps I am ready for a change, I just don't know what I want that to be. I am kind of having the "everything you say comes back to bite you" problems-i.e. any positives comments I have made about anything I am saying,thinking,doing, learning etc. are quickly being proven incorrect. I guess I just need to hang in there 'cause we all know "the sun'll come out tomorrow" or maybe the next day...