Soothing the Savage Beast

We have been doing some major over-hauling around here. No worries, I am not planning on moving or anything else drastic-I think I just finally realized that we have lived here for three years and I really don't love this house. So I have been trying to make it something that I am at least happy with most of the time. I have realized that I can't stand clutter and I have really developed my philosophy of keeping only things I truly love AND use. I realized that I was keeping a lot of things because I was worried that I would need it and not be able to replace it. Ummm, if I haven't used it or needed it in the past year, chances are good I won't even remember I ever had it!

Anyway, in all this crazy de-cluttering and sorting (please don't get the image that my house is a giant disaster-it isn't, I just realized we can live with a lot less than we have been) I ran across my CD collection. In my laundry room. Isn't that where you keep yours? Well, I realized I hadn't listened to any of them (there was only about 20) in about three years. My first inclination was to donate them, but then I realized that I had put them there because when we moved into this house, I did not have a CD player. I have one now, and have for a while, but since I had not been able to use them for so long it had kind of been "out of sight, out of mind." So, the CD collection was one of the few things that I gave a second chance. I moved them from the laundry room to the kitchen (because that is where the CD player is. Makes sense now, right?) and have been thoroughly enjoying reliving my teenage years.


I am so thankful that I have a Godly heritage, especially concerning music. I remember when I was in early elementary school that my dad made a decision to only listen to Christian music. We always listened to either the radio or Christian tapes in the car. I loved singing along to Sandi Patty, Larnelle Harris and Steve Green. My parents only allowed us to purchase/own Christian music. As I moved into middle school, I loved Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant, 4Him and especially Steven Curtis Chapman. Then in high school I really started to develop my own musical taste. I liked Jars of Clay before they were really popular. I also loved DC Talk (only from Jesus Freak on!) but I really liked some of the lesser-knowns. I had CDs of groups most people have probably never heard of: The Normals, Seven Day Jesus, The Waiting, and PFR (who by then had already disbanded but I loved their final album). This is also when I was introduced to some of the bands that I still love today-Switchfoot (my brother introduced me to them), and the Newsboys (I can thank my sister for that!). I own 9 Newsboys CDs and can affirm that they are my favorite band. Ever. When everyone else was listening to the Spice Girls and Brittney Spears, I listened to the Small Town Poets. I will fiercely defend Christian music-but that isn't the point of this blog.


I really think that my parents' commitment to guarding our hearts, via our ears, was a huge part of forming my character. I am intensely attracted to anything musical- if I hear a song, even on a commercial, it sticks with me. I have always been drawn to experiencing God through music. But it has never been limited to hymns or worship music. I almost always cry when I hear Thousand Foot Krutch's "This Is A Call". I can really meet with God over some Relient K, too.

Anyway, most of the albums that I have been revisiting are from my high school years, specifically my junior year. That was a pretty important time in my spiritual walk. In "Experiencing God" it talks about memorial stones, and I think that whole time is one for me. God revealed a lot about Himself, His forgiveness, and His plan for me. The music that I listened to during that time really tied into that. So when I began listening to it all over again, it brought it all back for me. Remembering how the Lord led me through a tough time in my life (even if a lot of it was of my own making) and how tender He was in ministering to me. How He gave me new friends, and showed me how to walk with Him more closely. All of those feelings came flooding back when I put in those old CDs. This song from The Waiting was one of my favorites then and listening to it again recently was definitely a spiritual experience:

So Much of Me

At the foot of the ocean I'm hearing winds whisper and waves shout
The storm of the morning is clearing, the tide is running out
I'm feeling obviously small
A little of this sand is all I am
A bit of dust blown from Your hand

Chorus:
You made the wind, You made the sea
Why do you make so much of me?
You made the stars and every creature that breathes
Why do You make so much of me?

In the heart of the evening I'm counting the stars set in the sky
Getting lost at a hundred or fifty or so
I'm thinking I can only hide in some hole I carve in the earth
What am I worth?
I'm just a speck, a candle in Your universe

Chorus

And here I stand
A bit of dust from Your big hand
What am I worth?
A candle in Your universe

(from the Waiting "Unfazed")

What a wonderful thought- so like Psalm 139- I am nothing, or I should be, but He sees my value, He gives me my value. Revisiting this particular memorial stone, for me, through music, reminds me of what He has been to me, and what He WILL be. Not what He can be, but a definite. He cannot change, so what He wrought for me in the past, He will surely do again. I have changed in the last 11 years (some of it thankfully!) but He is still the same. Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." This music definitely soothes my savage beast. When I am questioning and afraid, I am reminded that He hasn't failed me yet, and He never will.

That is the beauty of having some sort of spiritual marker. Just as the Israelites set up stones by the Jordan, we should have places that we revisit to remind of what God has done for us. Music has a powerful attachment for me- play a song for me that I love and I will be taken back to the place where I was when I first made the connection. I am glad that I did not part with these CDs. I have a few more I still haven't had a chance to listen to. I can't wait to see where they take me. I challenge you to set up some of your own memorial stones, whether they are music, a specific book, a verse or a photo. Keep the things that remind you of how God has guided you on His path, and bring them out when you feel there is a chance He might let you down. Then you will know He most certainly can't!

I Won't Forget...

I don't usually participate in sappy cliched things but I think 9/11 is a little different. I remember getting up for school, I had college classes early. It was strange because my mom was on the phone. She turned on the television and the first thing I saw was a repeated image of a plane hitting two tall buildings. At first I thought it was a joke. Then, as we continued watching, the commentators just kept saying we had been attacked. On our own soil, innocent people had been mercilessly murdered. I felt like I was in a fog.

In my own selfish teenage way, one of my first thoughts centered on myself. Joel and I had begun dating only a month prior and he had planned a trip from Illinois to come see me in Colorado. He was supposed to be leaving the next day. Classes at the college were, of course, not cancelled. They did not cancel for anything.

I arrived at my first class. It was American history. We had barely opened our textbooks when the fire alarm went off. We were much more frightened then I would have been normally. I grabbed my purse because I didn't know what to think. All the students huddled outside, unsure of what had happened. We found out later it was just a routine drill. Poor timing. While we waited to outside I kept hearing murmurings. Cheyenne Mountain was sure to be attacked people said, or the Academy, where I lived. There were both symbols of America's power and patriotism. It was scary. The mall closed, and they called me to tell me I did not need to come into work.

We tried to get back into our class after the drill was called, but our professor had left. Honestly, I think he was pretty shaken up. The rest of the day was spent running up to the television the school had put on the second floor. Every time the news seemed worse-the crash in Pennsylvania, the attack on the Pentagon. Was the White House safe? Still, I continued to worry about Joel. When I went home that night my car was searched going onto the Academy. That had never happened before. They continued to search every vehicle for quite a while afterwards. They even changed the high school schedule for Air Academy High. They went to school in the afternoon for several weeks to help keep the morning traffic down a little. I called Joel and he made plans to leave that evening. He drove straight through the night. We were worried that gas prices would rise in response to the crisis. Funny, that happened, but not for several years.

When he arrived the next day, I was never so happy to hug him. Truly, it made me glad to have my loved ones nearby. I wanted to stay in my house with my family and just keep them all safe. Soon my dad would leave, his duty to keep military men and women healthy as they protected our freedom. He left almost exactly a month after. I think it may have hit me even harder then how real the occurences had been.

9/11 changed our lives. People fly flags now, Joel knew when he joined the Army in 2004 that he would certainly deploy, and he has twice fought against the injustices committed that day. I was so proud to be an American then, and that fierce pride has only grown. I love our nation, I support our flag, I would die for our freedom. I may post the same thing every year but I don't care. I will never forget....

Labor Day Weekend

We went to Helen Hunt Falls on Saturday with friends for another "Nic-Lic"-two in one week!
The kids had a fabulous time playing by (and in) the creek. They both carried big sticks, but there wasn't much speaking softly!

This was our beautiful picnic spot-sun, shade, nice and flat with big rocks to sit on. With the gorgeous scenery it was absolutely perfect! The weather was wonderful-I would probably be able to be persuaded to picnic every single day if it would be just like this.

The kids weren't the only ones who enjoyed playing in the water. Joel may have spent some time in there, too. We had to cross the creek to get to our picnic spot, and let me tell you, that water was COLD! Completely clear, clean, mountain run-off. Just walking through it and I couldn't hard feel my toes!

Both Carson and Josie had a blast. The water was only about 4 inches and the bed wasn't too rocky. I tried to convince them to wear their Crocs but they were having none of it. However, it was a little too cold for sitting in, but definitely great for splashing and running around.

The little pool they were playing in ended in this tiny waterfall. Isn't it precious?

We ended the day by going to the Colorado Springs "Balloon Glo". If you have never been (this was our first time) I highly recommend it! I got zero decent photos of my family-my camera doesn't do so well after dark with just the flash. However, the whole point of the Glo is to inflate all the hot air balloons and then when the crowd counts down and says, "Glow!" all the pilots flare simultaneously and all the balloons light up. It was really neat. This was a fun pig shaped balloon. We also saw an enormous Energizer bunny, but my camera died, so no photos of that. It was a bad camera night!

This was the first balloon to light up. You can see it isn't quite dark yet. There was a million people there, but we still were really close to several balloons. This one was nearest.

The balloons once they were all inflated. We could see about 15 from where we were standing. Those things are huge! Carson loved the "balloons and fire!" . Typical boy.

We relaxed on Sunday and then Monday it was off for family photos. My friend Lindsay offered to take our pictures and I couldn't pass that up. We went to Fox Run Park. I had been there before, but I had never been to the lake side. It is an absolutely terrific place to take photos! Two lakes, and a cute little creek. All the photos here are mine, that is why they aren't the greatest. I will post some of her's when I get them from her.

The little creek. After Saturday Carson just kept begging to get in the water. It was really hard to get him to look at the camera. Photos near a creek might have been a bad idea, since his memories of the falls were still so fresh. We did let him wade a little at the end.

Finally! He stripped his shoes off as fast as he could! We tried to make it quick, there was a bunch of people. The weather was windy but I think she got some good shots. Carson and Joel are not very photo friendly so I didn't want to drag it out. After all the forced smiling I thought they deserved a little play time.

Cute, though, isn't he? He snagged this hat from his friend Kegan and I thought he looked pretty swell. I think he thought so, too.

A fun pic of the kids near the end. I played around with this in a photo editing program and changed it to black and white and made it look like an oil painting. It looks really cool, but since the photos on here are so small it didn't translate well. I can email you one, but since it also looked cute un-retouched, here it is.

So that was our Labor Day weekend. It was pretty great. I could do it again this weekend, but I would leave the boys at home for the photo part!

"Nic-Lics"

I have never been much of an outdoor girl. I don't care for dirt (which seems abundant out there for some reason), I can't stand bugs and/or animals and I am allergic to grass, dust, pollen, mold and pretty much anything else one finds outside. I do love to run outside, but that could just be because I can't run inside! No, really, I love the mountains and the view, and I don't have to sit on the grass or dirt. I don't do camping-really, is there ever a good reason to have to pack up everything that has a perfectly good place in my house and leave behind electricity and running water and sleep on the hard ground? I don't think so. I cannot be persuaded, so do not leave comments stating that trailer camping is any different. Maybe you don't sleep on the ground, but I still can't figure out the packing everything up. Also, vacation = not cooking. When you camp, you have to cook your own food! That definitely makes me feel gypped. Yeah, not a big camper.

When I was a teenager, it was even worse. One day, in the car, my mom mentioned having a picnic. I slumped down in my seat and grumbled, " I hate picnics. Why do we have to have a picnic?" In my own defense, as with camping, picnics meant not really getting to eat out. I loved eating at a resturant (even fast food made me happy, actually it still does!) and going on a picnic meant packing up all your own (boring) food and dragging it somewhere to eat in the dirt and grass. Yuck! Well, anyway, I was just about to start my plea for why we should skip the picnic, when I hear a little voice from the backseat say incredulously, "Lara hate nic-lics?". As if to ponder how someone could hate cute babies or chocolate. It was my sister Kelly, who can find joy in most things, and even at the age of 2, couldn't comprehend how her older sister not only didn't like eating outside (most likely at a park, a huge source of happiness for a toddler) but detested it! Oh, yeah, I felt about two inches tall. I felt like I had stolen some of her innocence. Anyway, in our family, after that time, anytime a picnic is mentioned, someone has to say, "Lara HATES nic-lics". And then laugh hysterically.

Since then, I have gotten over some of my distaste for eating out of doors. I still don't want to picnic when it is windy, or cool, or might be thinking about raining. I also need shade and a nice clean table. But hey, it is still an improvement, right? But I can't honestly say I hate them anymore. As a matter of fact, we had a rather nice picnic last night. Joel had CQ (a 24 hour shift) and we like to have dinner with him when he is working. So I packed up my picnic basket (Joel bought me a really nice one complete with actual plates and silverware, cloth napkins and cups, for my first Mother's Day.) and my Longaberger. We had dinner in the park and I took a casserole and fresh chocolate chip cookie bars and we dined at a relatively clean table under a tree. It was actually nice. Picnics are always improved in my mind when one takes something besides sandwiches and you can use real plates.

So am I reformed from my anti-picnic attitude? Sort of. I think part of it is living in Colorado. Everyone here adamantly loves the outdoors. And it is hard to resist. Still a resounding, "NO" on the camping front, but I think I can live with eating outside once in a while. I also really like a picnic inside. Part of it is because I don't want my children to have my same snobby attitude, I want them to enjoy simple things. And part is, it reminds me of my family. My dad loves to go places and my mom loves a picnic. We did a lot of picnics growing up. I always thought it was just to save money but I see now all the pleasures something like that can have. It can give you a new appreciation for things (like how easy it is to just dig through the fridge!). But also, I think I do them because, in some small way, I want to redeem myself from that tiny voice saying, "Lara hate nic-lics?" This one's for you, Kelly.

P.S. Hope you weren't looking for a spiritual connection here, or you will be disappointed. Sometimes a girl just needs to ramble...

Summer and Fall, Not Summer Vs. Fall

I love this deceptive weather we have been having. Every year around this time we have several days of summer, followed by a few days of what is a definite reminder that fall is coming. On Monday of this week we were gifted with temperatures in the 60's, clouds, wind and some rain. I made soup. Yesterday, it was 90 and the kids begged to fill the pool and pull out the slip-n-slide. I like that.

I can never decide if summer or fall is my favorite, so I like having a little of both. It is very representative of my divided state of mind. I love fall because I like sweaters and jeans, getting back into routine, looking forward to all the holidays and back-to-school supplies. However, I love summer, too. Can you ever have enough sun, lazy afternoons, trips to the pool or VBS? Colorado is very accommodating in that we will have plenty of weather to suit both sides of me for the next 6 or so weeks before it finally surrenders to being completely autumn. Although, not to worry because I am sure I will still be able to revel in a few rare days of unseasonable warmth sprinkled from November to April.

But I still have enough time to switch into my autumn mindset, choosing to be thankful for what this new season holds, rather than mourning the passing of what will not be around for 6+ months. I try not to always view the past with rose-colored glasses, favoring it over the future. I will be thankful that I can put away my summer things for my much more flattering winter ones. I will be glad that soon we can go back to having our windows open, rather than depending on artificially regulated air to cool our home. I will look forward to the great clearance sales that are soon to come on back to school items. :) We will begin looking for the perfect "Fall Festival" costumes. I will start the adventure of homeschooling...

But for these last few lingering days of summer I will also enjoy weather warm enough to continue to set up the slip-n-slide, hang out the laundry and reap the last of our tomatoes. I will enjoy the still-green grass, and be glad that all the children who attend public school are busily occupied while we enjoy the calm and uncrowded parks, pool and play areas. For right now, I have the best of both seasons and I will love them for what they are-and not have to sacrifice one for the other!

P.S. What do you think of my new blog layout? I was tired of feeling like the background was competing with everything else for attention. I want the focus to be on the posts, not everything else. It is very minimal, but it suits me for now. Good thing it is easy to change!