Feeling Freaky

 

    I have been on an "oldies" kick. For many people that means listening to the pop hits of the 80's and 90's. For me that means Rich Mullins, vintage Steven Curtis Chapman, Michael W. Smith. Old school Newsboys, Audio Adrenaline, Jars of Clay. My teen years soundtrack was these pioneers of Christian "contemporary" music. They shaped my understanding of myself and my world, and in many ways, they helped me understand what it meant to follow Christ.

    I still listen to Christian music, it isn't the same, for better or worse. I miss many of my old favorites that aren't around anymore (The Waiting, Geoff Moore and the Distance,  and more that I am too old to remember the names of!) but I especially miss DC Talk. I know that pieces of the band are still making music, and I am so thankful for that (Toby Mac still makes me turn up the radio!) but during my sophomore and junior years of high school you could find "Supernatural" and "Jesus Freak" on endless repeat.

    So today, feeling nostalgic, I requested that Alexa play DC Talk for me. She busted out "Colored People" and "What If I Stumble" and then it started playing: the one that everyone talked about: "Jesus Freak". I smiled as the song started, it brings back so many good memories for me. But then I started *listening*:

"What will people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus freak?
What will people do when they find that it's true?
I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak
There ain't no disguising the truth
There ain't no disguising the truth
No, I ain't into hiding the truth."

   A thought suddenly pierced me: what if they *don't* label me a Jesus Freak? What if all my long-hidden desires to be "normal" have finally been realized? Who in my life would say that Jesus has made me a stranger in a strange land? What if they look at me and see themselves?

"Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us." 1 Peter 2:12 NIV

What if I'm not a freak?
What if I'm blending in?
What if I'm unnoticeable?
What if I'm normal?

  I've struggled with fitting in my whole life. I deeply desired to be accepted. To be a part of the group. To fit in. I was hideously awkward as a teenager. I didn't realize that in my decades-long fight to ditch those labels from my identity, I have accidentally shelved something that shouldn't have just been a descriptor of my character, it should, He should, be my identity.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of the darkness into His wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9 NIV

   What if I'm not any different?

"If you belonged to the world it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." 1 John 15:19 NIV '84

What if they don't hate me?

It's not good, man. It's not good.

But it isn't too late.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7 NIV '84

   We break those verses up so often, but read them together. I don't have to be anxious about my position, I can cast those cares on Him. I don't have to be concerned about fitting in, or finding my place. I don't have to worry about standing out, either. It isn't about me. It's about Him. I don't have to keep my eye on the clock, or on my social ranking. He has it all planned out, I just need to submit.

   And that's what will really make me a freak in today's world. Surrender control? Give up my "rights"? Stop trying to micromanage every teeny detail and forecast every possibility?! Get real! How much will I stand out if I am fully submitting to God? How crazy will I look if I quit looking out for number one and bow before the Holy One? I think that would be pretty darn freaky.

  "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded....Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up." James 4:8 and 10 NIV '84

   That all will look awfully strange. I am quite certain that it will stand in opposition to anything the world requires for me to fit in. And I'll be honest: it isn't all it's cracked up to be, this being "normal". I am ready to be changed, to be different. I'm ready to be a freak-because I really can only have time to care about what He thinks of me.

Music for May

I love music. Few things in life make me happier. If my life was a movie it would have a continual sound track. Running, cleaning house, working on the computer, driving, I am always surrounding myself with music. My tastes are varied, but there are always some groups that I can't get away from. So for my May Faves I decided that I would share my current five favorite albums. In no particular order:

1. "The Shelter" by Jars of Clay. I kind of bought this album by accident. I went to the "Rock and Worship Roadshow" in February mainly because Jars of Clay was performing. I have had a love affair with this group from their very first album way back when I was 16. I currently own pretty much everything they have ever done, but I was missing their album from 2009, "The Long Fall Back to Earth" which has a song that I really love on it. Well, they were running a deal at the show that was basically 2 albums for $20. I realized I didn't have "The Shelter" so I snagged it. WOW! This will probably always hold a place in my top 10 favorite albums of all time. Really. Two songs that send chills up my arms: "Small Rebellions" and "We Will Follow". This is worship music for me. If you like J.O.C. at all BUY THIS ALBUM! Or actually still buy it, even if you don't.

2. "The Outsiders" by Needtobreathe. I loved the song "Let Us Love" from the radio single. This group is kind of a funky southern country/rock group. Not what I usually listen to. But I really like this group. I really like the title track, "The Outsiders" and also "Garden". Fun band, fun album.

3. "Crazy Love" by Hawk Nelson. First Hawk Nelson purchase, not my last. I could not get enough of the "Crazy Love" radio single so this album was a must have! Originally it was a sleeper- there are several tracks I don't care for- but the more I listened to it, the more I liked it. I really like "Your Love is a Mystery" and still haven't gotten bored of the title track, either.



4. "Five Score and Seven Years Ago" by Relient K. An oldie, but a goodie. I don't ever get tired of this album. May have to buy a new Relient K CD soon, though, because I love this group. A couple of songs that make me turn it up and sing: "I Need You", "I'm Taking You with Me" and "Devestation and Reform". This group is loud, and I like that.

5. "Church Music" by David Crowder Band. This is a mixed bag: he can be a little strange, but I have to say, the songs I like I am obsessed with, so I am willing to put up with a few I don't care for in exchange. I absolutely adore his version of "How He Loves" and his version of "All Around Me" is the best. I don't even LIKE those songs when other people sing them. Another excellent worship inducing album.

Not an expert by any means, but I know what I like. Check out any of these tracks on Amazon or Itunes to give them a listen. Maybe you'll find a new favorite, too.

Soothing the Savage Beast

We have been doing some major over-hauling around here. No worries, I am not planning on moving or anything else drastic-I think I just finally realized that we have lived here for three years and I really don't love this house. So I have been trying to make it something that I am at least happy with most of the time. I have realized that I can't stand clutter and I have really developed my philosophy of keeping only things I truly love AND use. I realized that I was keeping a lot of things because I was worried that I would need it and not be able to replace it. Ummm, if I haven't used it or needed it in the past year, chances are good I won't even remember I ever had it!

Anyway, in all this crazy de-cluttering and sorting (please don't get the image that my house is a giant disaster-it isn't, I just realized we can live with a lot less than we have been) I ran across my CD collection. In my laundry room. Isn't that where you keep yours? Well, I realized I hadn't listened to any of them (there was only about 20) in about three years. My first inclination was to donate them, but then I realized that I had put them there because when we moved into this house, I did not have a CD player. I have one now, and have for a while, but since I had not been able to use them for so long it had kind of been "out of sight, out of mind." So, the CD collection was one of the few things that I gave a second chance. I moved them from the laundry room to the kitchen (because that is where the CD player is. Makes sense now, right?) and have been thoroughly enjoying reliving my teenage years.


I am so thankful that I have a Godly heritage, especially concerning music. I remember when I was in early elementary school that my dad made a decision to only listen to Christian music. We always listened to either the radio or Christian tapes in the car. I loved singing along to Sandi Patty, Larnelle Harris and Steve Green. My parents only allowed us to purchase/own Christian music. As I moved into middle school, I loved Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant, 4Him and especially Steven Curtis Chapman. Then in high school I really started to develop my own musical taste. I liked Jars of Clay before they were really popular. I also loved DC Talk (only from Jesus Freak on!) but I really liked some of the lesser-knowns. I had CDs of groups most people have probably never heard of: The Normals, Seven Day Jesus, The Waiting, and PFR (who by then had already disbanded but I loved their final album). This is also when I was introduced to some of the bands that I still love today-Switchfoot (my brother introduced me to them), and the Newsboys (I can thank my sister for that!). I own 9 Newsboys CDs and can affirm that they are my favorite band. Ever. When everyone else was listening to the Spice Girls and Brittney Spears, I listened to the Small Town Poets. I will fiercely defend Christian music-but that isn't the point of this blog.


I really think that my parents' commitment to guarding our hearts, via our ears, was a huge part of forming my character. I am intensely attracted to anything musical- if I hear a song, even on a commercial, it sticks with me. I have always been drawn to experiencing God through music. But it has never been limited to hymns or worship music. I almost always cry when I hear Thousand Foot Krutch's "This Is A Call". I can really meet with God over some Relient K, too.

Anyway, most of the albums that I have been revisiting are from my high school years, specifically my junior year. That was a pretty important time in my spiritual walk. In "Experiencing God" it talks about memorial stones, and I think that whole time is one for me. God revealed a lot about Himself, His forgiveness, and His plan for me. The music that I listened to during that time really tied into that. So when I began listening to it all over again, it brought it all back for me. Remembering how the Lord led me through a tough time in my life (even if a lot of it was of my own making) and how tender He was in ministering to me. How He gave me new friends, and showed me how to walk with Him more closely. All of those feelings came flooding back when I put in those old CDs. This song from The Waiting was one of my favorites then and listening to it again recently was definitely a spiritual experience:

So Much of Me

At the foot of the ocean I'm hearing winds whisper and waves shout
The storm of the morning is clearing, the tide is running out
I'm feeling obviously small
A little of this sand is all I am
A bit of dust blown from Your hand

Chorus:
You made the wind, You made the sea
Why do you make so much of me?
You made the stars and every creature that breathes
Why do You make so much of me?

In the heart of the evening I'm counting the stars set in the sky
Getting lost at a hundred or fifty or so
I'm thinking I can only hide in some hole I carve in the earth
What am I worth?
I'm just a speck, a candle in Your universe

Chorus

And here I stand
A bit of dust from Your big hand
What am I worth?
A candle in Your universe

(from the Waiting "Unfazed")

What a wonderful thought- so like Psalm 139- I am nothing, or I should be, but He sees my value, He gives me my value. Revisiting this particular memorial stone, for me, through music, reminds me of what He has been to me, and what He WILL be. Not what He can be, but a definite. He cannot change, so what He wrought for me in the past, He will surely do again. I have changed in the last 11 years (some of it thankfully!) but He is still the same. Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." This music definitely soothes my savage beast. When I am questioning and afraid, I am reminded that He hasn't failed me yet, and He never will.

That is the beauty of having some sort of spiritual marker. Just as the Israelites set up stones by the Jordan, we should have places that we revisit to remind of what God has done for us. Music has a powerful attachment for me- play a song for me that I love and I will be taken back to the place where I was when I first made the connection. I am glad that I did not part with these CDs. I have a few more I still haven't had a chance to listen to. I can't wait to see where they take me. I challenge you to set up some of your own memorial stones, whether they are music, a specific book, a verse or a photo. Keep the things that remind you of how God has guided you on His path, and bring them out when you feel there is a chance He might let you down. Then you will know He most certainly can't!