Whose Side Are You On, Anyway?

I am NOT a movie-watcher. A book reader, a music listener, and a TV show lover, yes, but movies, not so much. I am, by nature, a pretty deep thinker. I don't say that as  a positive or negative, just a statement of fact. I think that's why I prefer TV. Over the course of a season, a show can develop a storyline. In about an hour and a half, a movie (unless it has sequels) has to do the same thing. And it usually isn't done well enough to make me happy.

But, I am married to a movie-watcher. Of all genres, types and themes. So, to make him happy, I occasionally allow myself to be coerced into watching a Redbox. Last night, he wanted to rent one. We searched for one that we could agree on, I insisted on  a comedy. Umm, I won't reveal what we rented, mostly because I don't want anyone to think that I am endorsing it, but it was *not* a comedy!

And not only that, but it reminded me why I don't watch movies. It had a relatively straightforward story: Guy is married. His wife cheats on him. He finds another girl (while still married), and starts a friendship. This girl, of course, really "gets" him. She is everything his wife is not: appreciative of his humor, honest, values him for himself, witty, pretty, keen, etc. Naturally, as the movie progresses, the intent is that you would root for this friendship to develop into a romantic relationship. You are "rewarded" when the guy sees how much this girl values him, and leaves his wife, who does not appropriately value him, and they live happily ever after, right?

But see, this is the problem. I am not satisfied by this scenario. My initial response was to root for the guy/female friend. Superficially, I like the chemistry, I want the guy to get the girl. Or vice versa. Or whatever. I like a happy ending. And in this film, the answer seems to be that the main character finds this great girl and they go off to "happily every after". But this contradicts what I believe. In that couples, who have covenanted in marriage, should strive to stay together no matter the obstacles. That infidelity can be overcome. That no matter how your spouse treated you, to develop romantic relationships with other people while married is also infidelity, even if not as blatant. And my mind chews on the problem without ceasing. And to think that Joel finds movie watching relaxing!

How can I watch a movie that goes against what I claim to be right and true, without sacrificing some of my values, whether intentionally or unintentionally? How can I root for this guy to throw away his marriage, just because something "better" comes along? Don't we see in real life all the time that this doesn't work anyway? You think that you deserve more, that this person, the one you are married to, doesn't understand you/love you/value you/treat you the way you ought to be treated. So you go looking for something better. But then the cycle is repeated all over once the novelty wears off. I know that this is not right.

But I try to convince myself, it's just fiction. It's just for enjoyment, just a meaningless distraction. But is it? Does it really focus my thinking on things that are beneficial? For me, the answer is "no". I'm not better-just different. I mull movies over and over in my mind ("The Green Mile" kept me awake for two nights straight-again, not recommending this particular film, just stating my experience, because I was so disturbed by the lack of true justice!) and in this case, my first thought was, "Well, I'm glad they got together in the end." But is it right to feel that way? Did he do the noble thing? Were they behaving in a pure manner? Are those admirable actions? I think we can agree, the answer is , "no".

So, I think that this movie gets a big fat "F" in the Philippians 4:8 department, because I was thinking on it, and it wasn't any of those things. Whose side am I on? The side of the wronged guy, the side of the unfaithful wife, the side of the sensitive girl "friend"? It makes me a little worried that instead of being sad that the guy left his wife, I am happy because he found "true" love. I know it's just a movie, but I still have to pick a side.Well, I hope you would say I am on the side of truth, the side of righteousness. God's side. But in this case am I?

I think we have a tendency to separate things out, to justify why we feel a certain way, but I am starting to realize that has to stop. I can't say that I am just watching mindlessly, because I'm not. I am "thinking about such things." And it will slowly, subtly, erode my judgement if I'm not careful. One day, I'm on the side of the fictional downtrodden guy in the movie, and I don't think it is too far of a stretch to extend it to a real life betrayed friend. I want to stay on the right side, and to do that, I think I'm going to have to be a lot more critical of what I watch-because it is too easy to find myself on the wrong side. I have to stop thinking that these things haven't taken a side. They most certainly have. So, it's time for me to take a side, too.

So, what do you think? Is it just me? Do you struggle with having movie "values" and real-life values? Are they on the same side? Please don't think that I am saying that you should never watch movies (I would have a fight on my hands with Joel if I said that!) but are we critical enough of what we watch? How does it really affect what we believe? Where do we draw the line? It's definitely something I am giving more thought to...

Sad Day

Without sharing details that aren't mine to share, suffice it to say that a dear friend has suffered a great tragedy. This is the first time that I can remember being so absolutely devastated for someone. I don't know what to say-which is a completely foreign feeling to me. I don't know what to do, which isn't. I have cried so much that my head is still hurting.

And this is only the beginning. If I feel this way, I know I have absolutely no comprehension of how my friend is suffering. And there is no end in sight.

But God is sovereign. He did not look away during this time. He has known about this since the beginning of time and He is not surprised by a single thing that occurred. I was sorely tempted to ask "Why?" but I realized that I don't want to know. There will be no making sense of this in this life.

I just keep praying that the Lord will let me be there for my friend. That He will keep meaningless things from coming out of my mouth, that I will be filled with compassion and tenderness. That I will be a blessing and not a stumbling block.

And I have to believe He will answer those prayers. That I can be His love, that He purposefully included me in this situation because He knew that He could fit me for the task. And I will be grateful for that. And I will pray for my friend without ceasing...

Empty as an Unfilled Ice Tray

I have ice trays. What, you might say, does that have to do with anything. Well, you must remember, that often what is NOT said implies volumes more than what actually is spoken. What I am really saying is that I do not have an ice maker, therefore, I have old-school plastic ice trays.

And I don't like them. It is hard to get the ice out of them, you have to remember to fill them, and they fall over in my freezer. My tiny, tiny, freezer that does not have room for ice trays.

And I want to be bitter. You may laugh, or wonder why, all you ice-maker-having people, but it really can make one bitter. I forget on occassion to fill them, and then I don't have ice. I know that strange things can happen to ice makers that limit the production of ice, but it is rare. My forgetfulness, on the other hand, is not so rare.

I know, too, because I have had ice makers. Ice whenever you want it, fresh for the taking. No struggling with popping trays (which, by the way, are not made like they used to be-they keep cracking!) or running them under water in vain attempts to release the cubes. So many more cubes than my three measly trays can hold. And also, ice maker ice is skinny, not fat little lumps that don't fit in my water bottle or my kids' cups.

And knowing what I did have and what I have now, it makes me want to be bitter. And frustrated. And crabby. Feelings that are utterly wasted on my inanimate and completely unfeeling little blue plastic trays.

Feelings that aren't wasted on me. Because I have discovered, bitter thoughts breed company. Misery loves company, but bitterness-it just makes friends for itself. One bitter thought turns into another and another, and pretty soon my mind is swamped with thoughts of, "I don't deserve this" and "It isn't fair" and "This is anyone's fault but mine." And it is difficult to pull out of the tightly winding spiral.

That is why, when I started listening to myself over the three extra minutes it was taking me to pry the tiny pieces of frozen water out of the miserable little contraptions I stopped and thought:

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the
knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

Every thought? Even petty ones, about ice trays? Yes! Because Paul knew (and of course, it was inspired of God!) that even little thoughts can lead you far, far astray. Because complaining about ice (or the lack thereof) leads to discontentedness with ice trays, and then freezers, then fridges, then kitchens and pretty soon, you need a whole new house. Trust me, I know.

I won't pretend. I could try to think of why I am thankful for my ice trays. I have running water, and a freezer that freezes, and drinks that need ice. I don't own this home, so it won't be my permanent problem. And sometimes, that works.

But sometimes, that can cause problems for me, too. I try to figure out how my life is superior to others, and that is pride, not thankfulness. So tonight, I took a different approach. I thought, "This is stupid. I am wasting time and mental energy complaining over something that is really nothing. Moving on to something new."

And it didn't happen instantly, but when I made a conscious decision to redirect my thinking, it worked. Of course, I revisited it for the purpose of this post, but I am not bitter anymore. My ice trays are really not worth my time in the bigger scheme of things. And I am a very little person who needs a longer to-do list if I am going to focus on something so inconsequential.

And I don't want to be inconsequential. I want to focus on what is important in life. I don't ever want to see the tally of the minutes of my life and see more than about 3 seconds devoted to bitterness over ice trays. Because you know what? I was created for more than wasting time stewing over things that won't last.

"Surely they are like stubble; the fire will burn them up. They cannot even save
themselves from the power of the flame. Here are no coals to warm anyone; here
is no fire to sit by."

Isaiah 47:14

That is what those kind of things are worth. Any person, or action, or thought, that is not totally devoted to increasing the greatness and glory of Christ is worthless in the bigger scheme of things.

I want to be a fire, no matter how small, through which people can be warmed by the love of Christ. I want to provide light and heat. I don't want to pursue idle thoughts that last for only a moment in terms of worth, but greatly diminish my capacity to pursue my intended purpose: warmth and vision-filled with the One who ignited the Truth in me. Otherwise, I am as empty and pointless as an unfilled ice tray...