Title Character

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him." Philippians 3:7-9a NIV

   I like a good television drama. I want a little uncertainty, and little action, some tears maybe. I wanted to be reminded of my humanity. I like to get invested in the characters, and vicariously experience their ups-and-downs, even in situations that I am 100% certain I will never find myself in.

   But at the end of the day, I want to know for sure that the characters I love the most are going to stick around for another episode. If I have given them precious hours of my life, I don't want to find myself crying at their (albeit imaginary) funerals. At the end of my forty-or-so minute roller coaster ride I don't mind not knowing everything, I want to be kept guessing within reason, but I don't want to have to contemplate that the show might go on without the player I've pinned my hopes.

    And when I am most frustrated by the way the script twists and turns, leaving me hanging, and fearful for the outcome, I often ask myself this: how important is this character to the show? How long have they been around? Is there a foreseeable future to their arc?

    When I begin that type of inquisition, I find that there is one answer that always satisfies: the title character. If the person in question is the title character I know: they're going to hang around. And regardless of what happens, they will either be there or the show will be over. Because it is pretty darn impossible to have a television show about someone when they're not in it. There will be highs. There will be lows. I will probably cry. I might laugh. I may be confused, knowing me that is more than likely. But I can count on that character being there, no matter what else occurs.

     Real life is more chaotic than any television drama will ever be. We watch TV because it redirects our thoughts from our own problems to those of someone else-and we get to turn those off whenever we want. We don't have any indicators for when, in our own lives, those very real characters we call our fellow human beings will exit the stage, and here poverty, illness, death and troubles of all kinds are very much tangible realities.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV (emphasis mine)

   See, thankfully, none of us is the title character. As much as I want "my" life to be about me, all of this is really all about Him. When Paul talks about the "surpassing worth" of knowing Christ, and how everything else (and I love this particular translation) is "garbage", that resonates so deeply with me. What a relief it is to know that I am not the point of the show! That is far too important of a role for someone with my talents, or lack thereof. I am more than happy to be a bit part in this story. He can have center stage, all day, every day. I know there is no way the show will go on without Him.

Pressing On

(This is a five minute blog post.)


    We are hosting a home group Bible study at our house. If you have the gift of hospitality the following will probably not apply to you, however, I don't. Therefore, when someone new is coming to my house it is like the scales fall from my eyes and all I can see is every.little.wrong.thing. In stereo surround. Full color. Imax version.

    It's not fun. As I surveyed my un-mown yard this evening I reflected: I am far from perfect. You don't even have to look hard to see all the areas I can improve in, not the least is my less-than-persnickety housekeeping style. And my home is not the only area that could use a helping hand in the tasks to be accomplished department.

    Because just like with my home, my character could use some upgrades, too. I need some routine maintenance, but some things just need a straight up trip to the dump and total renovation. Just like my kitchen floor, there are more things that need replacing than I should keep.

    And I often think about how the world tells us that just makes us "real". Don't worry about those "imperfections"-they're part of your "charm"! You're not rude, you're "outspoken". You're not angry, you're "passionate." That we should tout our flaws like badges of honor. "You're doing the best you can." "Messy hair, don't care." "You do you."  The art of bragging about our shortcomings, and failings, curating an attitude of disdain for anyone striving to do better. To be better is viewed as a haughty "fakeness".

    But what does the Bible say?

    "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14 NIV

"[Jesus said] Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:48 NIV 1984


   Yikes. Later in the same chapter of Philippians, Paul talks about unbelievers whose "glory is in their shame." What does it say when I am delighting in being a "hot mess momma"? Perhaps that my priorities are a little askew. It is equally as wrong to strive for worldly "perfection", but I should focus on daily "pressing on" to become more Christ-like. I should lean into the work that must be done in my heart and mind, I can never rest in anything less than looking and acting as my Savior would. Yes, He has given, and will continue to give, grace upon grace to us, but I can't use that as an excuse to revel in my shortcomings. Rather than seeing the places my home doesn't meet those HGTV standards, I should turn that laser focus to my heart. The best part about that type of self-improvement though? I'm never doing the work on my own.

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

"[B]eing confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:14, 4:19, 1:6 NIV 1984

And that's just what Paul has to say about it!

"Father, help me to trust that you will continue to give me what I need to look more like You, including the ability to resist the temptation to laud my laziness and applaud ambivalence and mediocrity. Thank you for promising me that You will carry on the good work Christ started in my heart."

What the Heck?!

(This is a 5 minute blog)

    I normally try not to use this space to rant. I kind of feel like that is not beneficial to anyone who might read my blog, nor is it uplifting to me. However, I hope that this post will come across as more thought-provoking than angry, because this is a topic of great interest to me. I'd love to start a discussion if anyone is so inclined!

   So here's the deal: what is up with "Christians" swearing? I feel like this really violates many Scriptural principles, not the least of which is Proverbs 15:26

"The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked,    but gracious words are pure in His sight."

  I do understand that language is fluid, constantly changing and growing with culture and age. However, some words are quite obviously offensive. Therefore, why would someone who professes to be a believer, whose first (and only) goal should be the glory of the Lord, feel that it is acceptable to use words that are known and interpreted by the vast majority of the population as swearing? I saw a post on Instagram today, in reference to *donuts*! that used a curse word. WHHHHHYYY? (This particular shop, to my knowledge is owned by people who profess Christianity, even so much as specifically mentioning Beth Moore and inviting her to their store.)

  Is is to be cool? Because here's the thing: I've never met anyone who was offended by the fact that I don't swear. But the use of swearing makes me very uncomfortable. It, to me, violates the principles of Philippians 4:8, as in it is not something I want to think on. It isn't lovely, it isn't praiseworthy or excellent. Often it seems to demonstrate a lack of command of English, as in, you have a limited number of adjectives to choose from in your stock vocabulary, and perhaps need to visit a thesaurus. It isn't that it is about my personal comfort, though, it is that I don't believe swearing points others to Christ or shows the world His truth.

   Please note that I am not inquiring about the world at large. Those who are not in Christ will speak and act in ways both objectionable and immoral. I am not looking to make them change their ways in order to suit my beliefs. I am speaking to the Christian community, to those who say that they have been transformed, that they are not of this world.

    We have the opportunity to demonstrate how Christ has changed us by allowing our words to reflect Him. If we say that we love Him it should be exemplified by both our deeds *and* our words. Therefore our language, no matter how "informal" should always be Christ-worthy, not cringe-worthy. What do you think?

 

Good Black Friday

        

    My first "real" job (read: one where I had to fill out a W-2 form and all that jazz) was working retail. I worked at a boutique clothing store that sold pricey, trendy clothes. Which was a little bit odd, because I myself was not very trendy, and I would have said my preference was definitely more towards the frugal side of things. However, I soon realized I loved clothes and didn't mind paying a bit more for higher quality and really unique items. Thankfully, we had many customers who felt the same way. I say that because it was a commission position, so my paycheck depended on how much product I could move. It was much easier when people were on board with paying $100 for a pair of jeans, rather than $10. 

 
    But anyway, it was while working retail that I fell in love with Black Friday. I know that sounds like an odd thing to say, but when you work commission there is no better day than when customers flock to you in droves, desperate to get the deals and steals they are convinced exist. There is so much energy, and excitement when you know all your hard work is going to result in a big fat paycheck. Plus, we generally had pretty decent customers. When the average total was usually in hundreds (or even, on very rare occasions, over a thousand) you are just dealing with a different type of person. They aren't your average "pick a fight over the bargain bin DVDs" sort of shopper. So, I learned quickly to enjoy Black Friday and the big fat commission checks it brought.

   I did wonder why it was called Black Friday, though. I asked around and heard from various sources that supposedly it gained that title after the Great Depression when the Friday after Thanksgiving was considered the opening to the Christmas shopping season, and due to the massive increase in sales thanks to holiday shoppers, retailers would go from being "in the red" to "in the black", accounting-wise. So I while I still thought that was a little odd, as usually "black" has a more negative connotation, I was satisfied.

    I have maintained my fondness for Black Friday since then, although the reason I like it now has more to do with spending time with my family (we all love to shop) and getting good deals. So that might be part of the reason that I slip up, and when referencing Good Friday (as in the day we commemorate Jesus' death on the cross) accidentally call it "Black Friday". (I know you thought I had lost my mind talking about Thanksgiving shopping at Easter! Don't worry, I do have a point.) I wondered if maybe there was anything in common between the two days so I decided to look up the history of Black Friday, as I am already fairly familiar with the history of Good Friday (Thank you, Jesus!).

    I was interested to find that I had been given bad information. The term "Black Friday" was first used in the sixties, and *not* for positive reasons. It was used by the Philadelphia Police Department to describe the chaos and confusion caused by the masses of shoppers, and was perceived by the PD to be a rather dismal day indeed. As the term continued to gain popularity, it was not highly favored by retailers, and for good reason. When you think of "black" it doesn't really incite positive vibes. Also, it is hard to not to think of things like "Black Thursday"-the name for the day when the bottom fell out of the economy in the U.S. and the Great Depression started. Or, that when we are mourning someone's passing we wear black. It is a color devoid of hope.

   However, with the upbeat-ness that usually accompanies the ability to run a successful retail operation, stores decided to turn things around, and that is where the explanation of the phrase "Black Friday" in terms of financial gains came from. Why not use whatever you can to your advantage? So, they perpetuated the rumor that the moniker came from the profitability of the day, going from being "in the red" to being "in the black".

   And I don't think it is too far of a stretch to say that there are definite similarities between those Fridays-Good and Black. Good Friday-taken alone, without the joy of Sunday, had to feel black. The blackest of any Friday, ever, actually. I cannot begin to fathom the despair that those who had followed Jesus felt. However, before any religious group applied the term, to the enemies of Christ it had to seem like the most good of any Friday. They had won! Or so they thought.

    But just like Black Friday, it seems Good Friday experienced a little bit of an image overhaul. And the turn-around was pretty darn quick. To those who had sought Jesus death, dreaming of the day the would be rid of that trouble-maker, rabble-rouser who turned so many of their carefully protected religious rules on their heads, their victory was short-lived. Good Friday had a black eye by Sunday in their minds. But for those who loved Jesus, Sunday was the day that turned that black day into something Good.

   And now, to me, this day is a day that can be fairly represented by both adjectives. Black, because we should recognize the severity of the price our sin-my sin-exacted on our precious, perfect Savior. A day to remember and mourn the cost of my unworthiness, my unrighteousness.

" ...He poured out His life unto death,    and was numbered with the transgressors.
For He bore the sin of many,    and made intercession for the transgressors." Isaiah 53:12 NIV

   His pure, holy, blemish-free life. For my worthless, ragged, wretched one. It was the most unfair of trades. But, like Black Friday, it took my account from debt to riches. From reddest red of His righteous blood, my glaring hell-red debt was paid, and name added to the "paid" column, from the "owed" line to the "saved" one.

" And when you were dead in trespasses and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive with Him and forgave us all our trespasses. He erased the certificate of debt, with its obligations, that was against us and opposed to us, and has taken it out of the way by nailing it to the cross." Colossians 2:13-14 HCSB (emphasis mine)

  Good Friday is good because it was a black Friday, too. Black from the sin, the doubt, the heaviness that cost Christ His life. So, so, good because I was reprieved from the death I was owed as the wages of my sin, what I had worked for and earned was eternal separation. But my debt was paid in full. From red to black.

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23 NIV 

  I don't need to shop around, the deal of any lifetime was given on Good Friday. His sacrifice is all I need, no cost-comparisons are necessary, I will never find a better offer. Nothing for everything. Death for life. Friday's blackness for Sunday's light. Filthy as night rags for the whiteness of robes of purity.

   I love this Good Black Friday. It is my favorite Friday to celebrate for certain. So, even when I slip up and call it Black Friday, it doesn't really matter because the significance is the same. Today, I stop, I sit, I ponder the wonder of the day that Jesus *willingly* suffered death for me!

"[Jesus]  Who, being in very nature God,    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man,    he humbled himself    by becoming obedient to death—        even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place    and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,    in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Philippians 2:6-11 NIV

   Those who  plotted and planned Christ's death thought they had a good Friday and got a black Friday. But I got all the best parts of both when I asked Christ to be my Savior. Accepting His gift of salvation erased my debts and made every day good-worth living to His glory. I am thankful for all of that day, the black and the good.

Can't Make This Up

   

Me. Without makeup. Shocking!

     So, I noticed a recent trend on Facebook: makeup. Or rather, the lack thereof. In the past few months I noticed a push by a direct marketing company to "go naked", that is, without makeup, not without clothes, thank goodness! Another article pointed out that the singer Alicia Keys has decided to forgo makeup entirely, in part to simplify her life, and in part to point out that women shouldn't have to wear "masks" to be accepted. Also trending, the hashtag #nomakeup.

    Guys, I did not realize this was a thing! I am in my mid-thirties now, and I suppose I should be ashamed to admit this in light of the apparent "boldness" involved in going sans face-paint, but I am not a big makeup fan. I didn't wear anything but mascara and lipgloss (seriously, I slapped on some LipSmackers, I cannot make this stuff up) in my own *wedding*! And it is not because I am a hippie, or am firmly against women getting glammed up. It really stems from the fact that I am probably too lazy...

   I am amused by this current trend because it just reiterates to me that we can make a fight out of whatever we want. I don't know that "society" forces women to wear makeup. Or be skinny. Or only eat organic food. Or wear a certain brand. Or be ______. You fill in the blank. I think we sometimes put that pressure on ourselves.

   Maybe I just hang out with really polite people (I doubt it. Have you met my family? Just kidding. Sort of.). Maybe everyone is afraid of me. But seriously, I wander around completely bare-faced all the time. I do usually put on some mascara and bronzer for church on Sundays, and the older I get (and the more transparent my eyelashes!) the more I will put it on for other occasions. Co-op mornings, when I have to get up too early, for one. ;) But I don't wear foundation, and I absolutely cannot figure out eyeshadow to save my life. I literally only learned how to use an eyelash curler last year. And no one has said anything. No one has pointed and laughed. No one has left unkind comments on Facebook or Instagram.

   Because I kind of think it isn't a thing, or maybe rather that it shouldn't be. I think generally people don't really care. I am not against makeup. I know plenty of people skilled in that art, but it isn't my thing. I prefer flashy jewelry and learning new hairstyles. I know lots of people who those things don't interest them at all. I think it kind of falls under that whole category of being uniquely made. Maybe that's just me?

   But seriously, the next time you hear about this kind of  "controversy" consider whether it is a real concern or merely a push by the media (or even your well-meaning friends) to create a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe you have had people insinuate unkind things about your lack of concealer, but I think it is pretty darn easy to squash that kind of thing with a simple, "Thanks, but it doesn't bother me." Perhaps people go the other way and imply you wear too much-the same answer will suffice. I frequently have to remind myself not to let these types of things get under my skin.

   I am guessing Titus faced some similar problems. Paul wrote to him about the qualifications for elders, but I don't think it is wrong for any of us to aspire to this standard:

"Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it." Titus 1:8-9

    It leaves lots of room for interpretation in some regards, and very little in others. It doesn't say that we should wear mascara and never eyeliner. But it does say we should be self-controlled and lovers of what is good. It does say we should know sound doctrine, so that we can both follow it and defend it. And the following verses say this:

"To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good." Titus 1:15-16

 This is some pretty stern language directed at the trouble-makers who were constantly harping on circumcision. Something physical. Something external. Something that doesn't make or break spiritual standing. Sound familiar? The fact of the matter is that there will always be those seeking to cause dissension and we can't just blame it on the media. We do it, too. We could stand to closely question more things and try harder to decide if they are really the hill we want to die on. Losing friends over whether or not one wears makeup seems like a pretty easy decision in my mind. It is easy to get caught up in a seeming "controversy" (Anyone remember the supposed "Red Cup" debacle last year? Seriously, I think sometimes people need hobbies...) and to perpetuate  supposed facts and opinions, but I think there are some more words from Paul that we could all stand to remember:

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8

   If we are thinking about those things, we are probably speaking about those things. And as it is sound doctrine, we can encourage others with it. And defend ourselves. So the next time that someone points at a "problem" and you have to pause to ask yourself if it is really a problem, chances are good that it is just a difference of preference. And that is not really something worth getting worked up over. Or made-up for. Whatever. 

So, how about you? Have you seen anything lately that makes you wonder if it is really a problem or just someone looking to ruffle feathers?

The Story of a Sofa

  

     So, the good news first: we rented an apartment. I have to say, it really feels like this is where the Lord is leading, and that is exciting. I floundered recently in my faith, mostly because I wondered if we had misunderstood what felt like the Lord's direction to move here. It was not a decision we made lightly, we loved Colorado for so many reasons, not the least of which was our wonderful friends and church family. But when we got here and we haven't been successful in our job-seeking efforts (Joel is "under" employed at the moment) which closed the door on our hopes to buy a house, it started to feel like perhaps we had tried to align God's will with our own desires. So, we both went back and prayed, and searched our hearts and waited.

     And our answer was an apartment. Which is not what I was expecting. At all. See, the thing is, we haven't lived an apartment for years. Eight, to be exact. We have never owned our own home, and we have never lived in a single family home, but we moved from a duplex in Texas to a townhouse on Ft. Carson to a townhouse in Colorado Springs after Joel got out of the Army.  That last one- well, in a lot of ways it was the stuff dreams are made of. Lower middle class, blue collar, frugal homeschooler dreams, but dreams nonetheless. It had a *garage*-for my car (just my car, not the lawnmower or the trash can, but still)! And a *basement* (full of randomly duct-taped insulation and creepy spiders) that was a wonderland for storage of all kinds. And a *walk-in* closet-big enough for both seasons of clothes and all of my shoes (don't even ask how many pairs I have). And TWO bathrooms-a first for our little family after living for 7+ years with a single toilet and bathtub. The floor plan wasn't ideal, both the bathrooms were on the second floor, and there was no backyard to speak of, but we had definitely moved up in the world.

    And the house that we were only going to live in for 8 months (we signed our lease at an odd time of year, so they wouldn't lease it to us for a full 12) turned into 3 years. And then we randomly decided to move. So we did. And we shoved an entire family of four's boxes into my parents' shop and garage. Bless them, Lord, for they deserve sainthood. And we dragged our clothes and shoes and various other "necessities" all over their house for the last three months. And we searched for a place to call our own, because no one should have to live with their adult children and their kids for longer than that if it isn't an absolute necessity, right?

    So, after looking at quite a few rental houses (everything was wrong, wrong, wrong-mostly the price tag, but that is the most important part!) it just wasn't working. We went back to square one. An apartment had gotten crossed off the list of housing possibilities for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which that they do not (normally) come equipped with yards. And since my children have run amuck in my mother's neighborhood like island natives for the last three months, that just seemed like cruelty to animals, ahem, children. And also other little things, like not hauling your groceries up *outside* steps. And listening to someone else's music, and smelling someone else's cooking. And don't even get me started on space issues.

    But, one of my most favorite characteristics of God is His humor, and He is definitely laughing over this one. We have ended up in an apartment. I am surprised by how at peace I am with that decision (although I shouldn't be, because He is the one giving me strength, and every good gift is from Him, right?). I lost over 300 sq ft. of living space, not to mention the basement. No yard, and it has a stack unit for a washer and dryer that is so tiny I literally have to wash my sheets separately-and by that I mean I can't put my king flat sheet in with my king fitted sheet at the same time. But it does have a garage, and a dishwasher, even a little window A/C! And the kids are dying to try the pool. So, we are thinking that all is well.

   That is, until the sofa. Now, to give you a little perspective, my husband is above average. Literally. He is 6' 4", and weighs over 250 lbs. So, we don't have tiny furniture. As a matter of fact, we own the longest conventionally manufactured sofa that they made back in 2003, the year we bought it. And it is huge. The thing is every bit of 8 feet long and wide enough that when I sit all the way back on it, my feet don't touch the floor. And I'm not tiny!

    But our apartment is. So, the guys (my dad, my husband and my brother-in-law) dragged this huge beastly piece of furniture up 11 cement steps and wedged it inside the door. Now, when I say, "wedged", don't think I am exaggerating. It was touching the ceiling at one corner and the floor at the other and the walls on both sides. And no one had to hold it up, either! Due to the strange layout of the apartment, it was stuck. The kitchen "doorway" wasn't wide enough, the sofa was too wide and too tall to turn the corner to fit through the short hallway on the other side to living room. We couldn't flip it, we couldn't angle it, we couldn't remove enough parts to get it in. For well over an hour they wiggled and jiggled, and turned and backed up and eyeballed things. And I prayed. Because for the last three months, my husband's one thing he has missed about having our own home is sitting on his couch to watch TV.

      And in the end, it just didn't fit. I would love to say that they hauled it over the balcony (they considered it, but the 15 feet was just too great a distance) or that they could "pivot" (let me know if you catch that reference) enough to get it through. But it just didn't work. So, our enormous sofa, my beloved's favorite piece of furniture for the last 11 years, was dragged back down the stairs, back onto the trailer. And he never cries, but I am pretty sure there were tears in his eyes.

       And what is the moral of this story? Well, I am learning that. I think that first, just because everything doesn't come together seamlessly doesn't mean that you aren't doing God's will. I think that He uses so many things to teach us greater trust and faith, deeper contentment and satisfaction in Him. I think sometimes He uses little things (like big sofas) to remind us that we may think that we have it all figured out, but He is really still in charge. Sometimes, you literally cannot force it-no matter how bad you may want to. Mostly, I think because of this:

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

    We love to quote the last verse, but we neglect to pair it with 11 and 12 which really give it heft that makes it a little scary. We love to talk about being content with all we have, but what about what we don't have? What about being content with less-so much less that you are sitting on the floor? We have soooo much further to go before we will see the lack that caused Paul to know need and hunger, we haven't the faintest clue about such matters. But maybe if our bottoms are a little sore, our hearts will be a little softer. 

    I briefly thought about rushing out to "fix" the problem. A little credit card action and we would be back in business with a brand new piece of upholstered seating (and I would be rid of the sofa that I don't love nearly as much as my spouse!). But instead, I have decided to pray about it, and seek that I would truly begin to understand what He is teaching me. Because a 900 sq ft. apartment without a sofa isn't what I was looking for, but just maybe, it is exactly what I need. 

Linked up:
"Thrifty Thursday" at Living Well, Spending Less