Tuesday, June 10, 2014
In The Midst
You see, I'm in the midst. I read stories all the times about people who have "made it through"-tough transitions, job losses, moves and the like, and I try to draw hope from them. But the reality is, to me anyway, that it is easy to talk about provision and God's blessings after you have crossed through a trial and made it to the other side. Hindsight is 20/20, right? The past is all about rose-colored glasses. But I seem to have lost mine, and it doesn't matter much anyway, because I am so focused on the present, and the future.
I keep trying to remember all the ways that the Lord has blessed our family, all the trials He has brought us through. (A few deployments, a transition out of the military, tricky health situations, just to name a few...) There have been so many! Also, it is not in any way as if my life is bereft of His hand even now-I am surrounded by family and a set of ready-made friends. He has not lost sight of us, not for even a second.
But I keep losing sight of Him. The clouds crowd in and day-to-day seems frightening and overwhelming at times. I keep second-guessing myself, my husband, and even the Lord. I try so hard not to worry and grow anxious, but it is truly a moment-by-moment battle. Some days, I do really well. I am cognizant of all of His promises: to always care for us, that He has plans, that we are infinitely precious to Him.
But some days, today being one, all I can see is the seemingly rising flood: my husband's job is tenuous at best, not really enough to make ends meet, no matter how good I am at being frugal. We don't have a place to call our own, and while my parents have been beyond gracious, staying with them was only meant to be a bridge, a temporary resting place on the way to hopefully buying our own home. Well, the door seems to be closed on that right now, and we are trying to rent and even that floats in and out of reach.
This post isn't to garner sympathy-although prayers are always welcome. I haven't forgotten, no matter how dark the day, that I am richly blessed if the only good thing that had ever happened in my life was salvation in Christ. And I have so much more than that. It is really just to be honest. To say that I am in the middle, wading through the deep, unable to see the shore. I am fighting the current, and I am never alone, but sometimes-when the waves force me under I lose sight of the hope I have in Christ. I am writing to remind myself that when we do finally cross through (because "this too shall pass") that it was just as hard as I remembered it-which will make the relief so much sweeter when it is provided. It is a "memorial stone" in the midst of the waters, a promise to myself that I can trust without knowing. I'm passing through...yet, He is with me. God is good...
"Motivation Monday" at A Life in Balance