Monday, August 25, 2008

Proud of Every Day

We are getting down to the wire now, to the weird stage where you feel like you have to make every moment "count". I guess the question I really have for myself is why don't I feel like that is how I live my life every day? When your husband is leaving for war (regardless of what the media or government calls it, that's what it is to me) you start to hyper-evaluate everything. You want to make sure he knows he is loved, respected and valued. You want him, and your kids, to have great memories to treasure over the long days apart. You foolishly feel that you can bank quality time, and personal touch. You know you can't, but you try anyway. My 2 and 1/2 year old certainly isn't going to feel like she has her daddy's love saved up-she will just know he is gone and has been for what seems like forever.
What it really boils down to for me is that I have to live my life in a way that I am proud to remember every day. It is impossible to not feel like you didn't "do enough" when these type of life-changing events occur. So what I have to do is try to avoid doing it all, and just do what I know is most important to the Lord. Even if I want him to, Joel is not going to appreciate scrapbook pages, poems or any of those other things that are supposed to be so valuable. He will remember if I don't nag, or scream at the kids and the days I made him cake. So in the next week I will try to do those things for him. While he is gone, I will do those things in honor of him. I think that is the best way to make my moments count.

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