Things have been crazy around these parts! My sister and her family came for a visit on Thursday. Unfortunately, they were only able to stay until Sunday morning but it was fun while it lasted. The hardest part for me is that I have discovered that I always create a dam of sorts in my mind when I am facing something painful. I set up events that make whatever I don't want to deal with seem further away. The problem is that with things, such as my sister's visit, it was the last log in my "dam". Now that it is broken, all I can think about is Joel leaving. I am doing better this time then the first deployment. I know more what to expect, and my relationship with the Lord is stronger. It still doesn't make things easy, though. I hate the thought that he will miss so much.
I think dealing with Josie will be the hardest. We were driving to church on Sunday and Joel and I were discussing possible places he may be while he is gone. Josie, of course as any good child would be, was sitting in the back listening intently. We paused for a moment and she pipes up loudly, " Daddy is going to CHURCH, NOT IRAQ!" If only that were the case, and I hate it when she says things like that because it just makes it that much harder. Dealing with separation as an adult is completely different than trying to explain it to a child who doesn't even know what tomorrow means, and is completely unable to grasp the concept of a year. ( Although, even as an adult a year somehow manages to seem like forever when you are apart from your best friend.)
I still can't help but think that this is only for our good. I am holding so many precious verses close to my heart. Now more than ever, every verse I have ever learned is coming to my mind. It strengthens my commitment to only continue to add to what I have already memorized. How can you not draw strength from remembering "All good things work together for the good of those who love the LORD" and knowing that He is "with us always" and gives us strength for every good work? It is impossible for me to understand why He would want our family to be separated, but He doesn't ask me to understand, only obey. And sometimes that is more comforting, because then He holds all the responsibility, and I only have to find comfort in His love.