In Defense of Valentine's Day

          If ever a holiday needed a champion, it's Valentine's Day. I'm not sure where the disdain for this poor holiday originated, perhaps with a disgruntled spouse or a bitter single person, but whatever the case, I feel compelled to rise to the defense of one of my personal favorite holidays (besides my birthday, that is).

                I have discussed with quite a few people their reasons for hating on a holiday that really has done them no wrong. My husband long ago told me that he thinks it is ridiculous that there is yet another day when men must buy women gifts and flowers and the women do not have to return the favor. (The other days, in case you are wondering, are their birthdays and wedding anniversaries.) Friends have echoed the internet and said, "It's a Hallmark holiday, invented to force you to buy expensive cards and overpriced knick knacks." And we've all seen the shows on television where the single friends band together to boycott the date because it is supposedly all about romance and couples.

      However, for me, it is one of the best holidays there is. And, no, it isn't just because of the chocolate (although I *do* adore a box of Russell Stover's, dark only, please!). My birthday is a few days before, and maybe that casts a warm glow on it, but I think it started in grade school. I loved getting a box full of tiny paper squares, all with my name on them. The cheesy puns and cheap suckers with their faded white proclamations of love and friendship somehow seemed like they were just for me. I loved reading every single silly conversation heart (But I promise, they never crossed my lips if I could prohibit it-gross!). Even once we started homeschooling, my siblings and I would exchange little cards and trinkets.

    Personally, V-Day has never been about silky underthings and expensive jewelry. I've done candles and scattered rose petals and homemade dinners. But that is because I *love* my husband and want to show him how special he is to me. I would rather he give me a necklace from Forever 21 than Kay's, though. Because this isn't an opportunity to milk my spouse for jewerly store baubles and overpriced flowers, it is about love. And that isn't just about romance.

      That's why we more often share a heart shaped pizza with our kids than a reservation for two at a nice restaurant. It's why I spend hours writing handwritten notes to my friends, and in past years have made literally hundreds of Valentines, in all shapes and sizes for anyone and everyone from Sunday School teachers to the women in my Bible study. We give Valentines to ice skating instructors, and the neighbors, to our cousins and to our grandparents. It isn't just a day for lovers, it is a day for love.

     And maybe it isn't like that for you, but you get to turn that around. Buy flowers for someone, instead of waiting for some for yourself. Gift the chocolates you hope to receive. I handmade almost 200 chocolates for a Valentine's dinner at our church this year that included young and old, single and coupled. No one felt left out, and that is great. Because none of us deserve love, but it is something everyone needs.

    Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with fancy meals, and dressing up, flowers and sappy cards are fine, too. You can even request diamond necklaces or rings, if that's your thing. But maybe the problem isn't Valentine's Day, it's you. Everyone could use more opportunities to say, "I love you"- to everyone who is special in their lives. And not only that, but there are plenty more people who need to hear it, because they don't think anyone thinks they are special.

   Maybe you do that every day of the year-then why stop on Valentine's Day? Maybe you never do it-then February 14th is a good time to start.

"Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of God, and anyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not, knoweth not God, for GOD IS LOVE." 1 John 4:7-8 KJV

     If nothing else, use that day as a jumping off point to share the good news of Jesus Christ. Single people feeling unloved? You need Jesus. Couples who aren't getting along and romance is the furthest thing from your mind? You need Jesus. Kids who don't really understand why you can't stand in the stationary section and read all the inappropriate cards? You need  Jesus, too.

    Don't let the card and candy people dictate your behavior. Write your own cards-people like that better anyway. Skip the red-foiled chocolates and sugar hearts. Buy a bag of pretzels for all anyone cares. But for pity's sake-don't let "them" steal a chance to tell those that matter what they really mean to you. You get to make Valentine's Day whatever you want it to be, and I say, if a holiday is about love then isn't it really something we as believers should be using to our advantage? I mean, Jesus is love. Celebrate with your kids, and your neighbors, and the people at your church. Find someone who really needs a pick-me-up and give *them* the sweets and flowers. But don't let the world steal your joy. Take back this holiday and really make it about true love. For the love!

To My Honey on Our 12th Anniversary

Always a good time, even if its just $3 pita date night.

Dear Joel,
     I probably wouldn't be writing this, I haven't in the past, except for the fact that we find ourselves once again apart on the anniversary of the day that we vowed to stay together forever. Thankfully, our separation is geographic rather than emotional or legal! I do hate to be away from you any time of the year, but it is especially a bummer when we should be celebrating our togetherness. The beauty of being an adult though, is the ability to postpone festivities to a day that is more conducive, rather than being governed by the calendar, but I still hate to let the day pass without notice.

    Twelve may not seem like an "important" number-not like 10 or 25 or 50. But the fact of the matter is, you can't get to the "important" ones without those that are "less" significant. Which in my mind means one thing: they are all pretty darn equal. Twelve is no more or less special than any other number. We have already surpassed many others that we know!

    Every year I can't help but remember our first anniversary. We were so young, and we didn't have any really marvelous ideas for making it special. Neither one of us had great jobs, and we didn't have any time off, so we decided to keep it relatively low-key and celebrate by going to the St. Louis Art Museum (we lived in southern Illinois at the time, so it was close by) and then to the much-anticipated Cheesecake Factory for dinner. That was high living for us at the time in the budget department, wasn't it?

   We arrived to the crazy parking situation in Forest Park. Wasn't it always such a pain to find anything decent? We were excited to find a spot that wasn't two miles away, and we pulled in quickly. We headed up to the museum and poked around, I don't really remember that what we saw, it was what happened after that I won't forget. We came out to our good-but-not-fantastic spot to find a *parking ticket*! We had inadvertently parked too close to a fire hydrant-we weren't in front of it, but we weren't the specified number of feet away, either. I was so mad! You know how much I hate that kind of thing, it always feels personal, even though it isn't.

    A parking ticket isn't the steepest of traffic fines, but that one was higher than the usual because we were "blocking" the hydrant. I think it was $75 and that was not the way we had wanted to spend money on our anniversary! We tried to shake off our frustration-we joked about mailing pennies in for the fine, and decided to not let it ruin our day. We headed to the big fancy mall to do some window shopping (We agreed that our "stupid tax" was enough big spending for the day.) before dinner.

   That was when I got a call that was not what we were expecting. We had anticipated, based on information from our friends, a higher than usual tax return, and in our excitement we counted our chickens before they hatched. We decided to spend the money before the return had even been calculated and buy a brand new desktop computer. We spent close to $1000, on credit, with the plan to pay it off once we had our money from Uncle Sam.

    What does that have to do with our anniversary? Well, the call was about our return. It had been calculated and was far less than we were counting on. It was $100. I just remember standing in the middle of Penney's, wondering how to tell you, knowing that it would pretty much ruin the day. We would both feel guilty for spending money we didn't have, and wonder where we would conjure up the funds to meet our new money bill. Not to mention that we both knew we would pay a hefty fee in interest.

   You handled it the way you handle most every challenge, and I know that it made me fall even more in love with you than I had been before. You just said we needed not to worry about it-we would figure it out. You didn't try to blame me, and you didn't get angry. YOu said we should just try to enjoy our day and leave the problem solving for later.

   But as we headed to dinner we both knew that we would feel terrible about spending $50-$60 more on food after the ticket and the "reduced" refund. So we agreed to eat in the food court-you had Chinese, and I can't remember what I had, but the part that sealed the deal on making the day a sweet memory was that after dinner you walked all the way back to the Cheesecake Factory and brought back a piece of my favorite cheesecake for us to share. You didn't want me to be disappointed anymore, after it seemed that the day was just going to keep downhill. And I cried into that cheesecake, not because the day had been nothing like I had hoped, but because your simple gesture humbled me so intensely.

    And now, the memory of that day has lost all its sting, and it is just sweet. We did survive, and we learned so much, but the most important part of that day was that we had each other. We didn't need fancy dinners, or a huge celebration, or tons of money (good thing!). We could overcome and still find joy in the small things because we were together. And that first anniversary has set the stage for our whole marriage. It's never been about perfection, but we have made so many wonderful memories already because we know that things are just that-things. You really can't buy love, or joy, or contentment.

   I'm so thankful that the Lord gave that day to us. I'm so thankful that I learned early on that Hollywood romances are not what real love looks like. It looks like a little piece of cheesecake after a day of disappointments, from someone who cares so much more about your happiness than his own. We learned to not take for granted that being with each other is what matters.

    And we don't. If I have to say one thing about us, it is this: we truly appreciate each day we have together. Because some anniversaries have been spent at nice restaurants, while others were spent in shoddy motel rooms while waiting for a house after a stressful move when celebration meant a dozen gas station roses in a Big Gulp cup. And some have been spent on a cruise in Mexico seven months after the actual date because thousands of miles and a war separated us. And some have been spent with our kids, and some alone, but they have all been sweet because they were a celebration not of the number of years, but the millions of in-and-out, morning and night beautiful "boringness" of sharing, truly sharing, our lives together. The mundaneness of thousands of breakfasts, of grocery shopping and potty-training. Of car maintenance and church-going. Of every day "I love you"s and goodbye kisses.

    And so, I don't really care that today is our anniversary. I love to remember our wedding, but it isn't the 22nd of February that is important. I want to be with you whether it is the 22nd of February or the 31st of August, or the second Tuesday in May. I want to wake up to you every morning, and go to bed with you every night. I want to do exciting things with you, and boring things. I want to pay bills, and buy shoes, and yell at the kids and make dinner. I miss you because you are my most favorite person in the world, and there isn't a single day that goes by that I don't thank the Lord that He allowed me the joy of being your wife. So, today I miss you, but that is just because I'm not with you, not because of the date on the calendar. And today is special, not because it is our anniversary, but because every day that we are allowed to go on, two as one, is special.

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7

   I know God's love better because of you. I couldn't ask for anything more. I'm thankful for the twelve years of days I have had with you, and I am praying that He will graciously grant us many, many more. I love you. 
                                                                                                        Love, 
                                                                                                              Me

PPP Day 6: For the Love

So, when you are running around, doing your everyday things and the same Scripture keeps popping up, I'm here to tell you: that is the Holy Spirit's way of telling you to sit up and take notice. That Scripture for me this week was 1 Corinthians 13. It first appeared in my Bible study homework and then, of course, we actually discussed in Bible study. Then, with a completely different subject, it came up in Life Group (Sunday School for us old-fashioned folks) this morning. So, I definitely had to search my heart and realize that I had some work to do in that area.

I adore all of the Word. However, in a lot of ways, 1 Corinthians 13, the "love chapter" has been a little overused in my mind, a little too watered down and cliched. Not that it wasn't important, but I just got tired of hearing it quoted for everything and abused frequently. But this week it really came alive to me, and the Lord used it to show me some things I need to be working on.

But before I lose you and you start to wonder if I got confused about the title of this post, I did not. All of this came together to get me thinking about how this all applies to party planning. Because if we are doing everything in love, isn't party planning an "everything"? And isn't the love for people the real reason we should want to have a party and celebrate them?

Just in case you aren't quite as familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, let me refresh your memory with this part:

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a

So for today a very simple message: if you are throwing a party, and you are doing it to impress your friends and astound your acquaintances, then you are doing it for the wrong reason. If you are putting time and energy into planning a celebration so that you can be better than others, post it on your blog and get tons of page views and repins on Pinterest, you might want to rethink your motivation.

 Parties, for a believer, should be about showing love (as should everything in our lives). If we really want to show love then we will know that it doesn't have to be perfect from the standpoint of the world. We will see it a little more like this: 

The party I'm planning is a way to be kind. I don't need to envy beautiful parties on the Internet, or in magazines, or that friends have thrown. I won't boast about my skills, or be prideful, because this is not about me. It is about honoring those the party is for, and I don't need to seek fulfillment for myself from it, or get angry and frustrated by what I need to do, or what I can't. Throwing this party is a way to show my love for this person (or people). If I am doing this out of true, godly love, I can't fail.

That may sound trite, and you make think I am a total nut for trying to make this into something about God. But I think that it is so much more than that. Why put so much time and effort into something that isn't going to glorify God? Another great verse from Corinthians (that Paul was a pretty smart guy)

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

We glorify God by loving others because God is love (1 John 4:8b). Doing things in love is doing them the godly way. Don't be fooled-even planning a party is an opportunity to love. Don't let the details stress you out so that you miss the point. Do it for the love. 

This is Day 6 of  "31 Days of Perfect Party Planning". See the rest of the posts here.