Swimming Upstream

I am still running, although I have been a little bit of a slacker lately (I'm only running 2x a week instead of 3 and I usually only do 2.5 miles-but better than nothing, right?). Joel's work schedule has been a little crazy (he was working from 5:30 am- 7:30 pm) and made it a little difficult to get out. I am hoping now that he is done with that project that I can go more often. He was off the other morning so I decided to get out there. I was ready to go a little before 8 am. I usually don't go before 7:30 am because the trail that I use is often filled with soldiers doing PT (physical training, not therapy!) between 6:30 am and then. I don't like to meet them; it is just a little awkward.



So anyway, I get out there, Shuffle blaring, legs pumping. It was a beautiful morning and I had the whole trail to myself. I was making good time, and about a mile in, when I looked down the top of the little hill I was on, and I saw them: about 120 soldiers. Ummm, nope, I am not kidding. I thought I had waited long enough to avoid that, but they must have been doing extended PT. Now, perhaps that might not bother anyone else, but you have to get a full grasp of the scene. The trail I run on is slightly elevated above the ground- it isn't flush, and it is surrounded by natural grasses. It is only about 4 feet wide and the soldiers were running 3 across. And of course, they were coming straight at me. There was really no place to go!



I will not lie. I suffered a moment of panic. I felt like a little bit of a spectacle. In my purple running shorts (thankfully, mine are Bermuda length, so not too short) and tank top, bright green Shuffle attached to my shirt. I run at my own pace, which is not fast, but I am not leisurely jogging, either. And I am the only female. Heading straight towards 100+ men all wearing gray "Army" shirts and black shorts. Mostly all in really good shape. I seriously thought about turning around and heading the other way, but they had already seen me and I knew that they would overtake me in a few minutes anyway so I would still be caught up in the swarm.



So I bravely adjusted my ponytail (another thing, my hair is BARELY long enough for a ponytail now, supported by the addition of about three barrettes. It isn't pretty.) and tried to fan my beat red face. I mean, I am out exercising! It was bound to be a little flushed. And headed straight towards the wall of men. Some of them moved out of the way, and some of them allowed me the pleasure of running through the underbrush. In all it took me about 5 minutes, or an eternity, to get past all of them. They were running in groups of about 20, so I would havea few seconds to compose myself before facing the next group. It may not seem as weird to you as it was to me, maybe you just had to be there. They were truly all staring at me. A girl, in purple pants, with sunglasses, running the "wrong" way. They couldn't ignore me! I have never felt so conspicuous in MY. WHOLE. LIFE!

I have only been running since February. I am not proficient by any means, and I am definitely not at a point where I want to have spectators. I am self-conscious normally, when I am wearing street clothes and my hair doesn't look atrocious. And while I am certainly in the best shape of my life, I am by no means going to find work as a Nike model! Anyway, to wrap up my long tale, I managed to huff and puff my way past all these men, trying to keep a small part of my dignity intact. I had a distinct fish out of water experience, for certain!

I tried to ignore them and focus on the task at hand: getting past them without passing out finishing my run. I really needed to be thinking about what I was doingm and not worrying about what they were doing. As I kept running and told myself that it was no big deal (and I'm sure it wouldn't be to a lot of people) I thought about why I felt so odd. I wasn't doing anything wrong, the trail is open access. I wasn't reprimanded, or scolded. All of the soldiers were just following what they had been told to do, too. If there was any reason for them to be jealous of me it would probably be that I had the choice to run. I do it because I want to, not because I am forced to, and it is certainly not part of my job description! I could run at my own pace, and in my own way. They had to do it because it was what they had been told they should do, and it was what everyone else was doing.

The more I thought on it, the more it seemed like life is sometimes to me. I am a believer, saved and sanctified. I should have complete and total security in Christ. I can be confident that when I am doing His will that I am in the right place. Yet, just as when I was headed towards all those guys I often have a horrible feeling of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I allow what everyone else is doing to influence me-I am more concerned about "their" opinions than doing what I know is right. Sometimes I just want to turn around and run away, rather than face the crowd and appear "different". I need to not be afraid to do what I know is right. I am not perfect, but I don't have to be ashamed of being different.

I can set an example. Those soldiers were obeying orders-they have to exercise every morning, rain or shine. But in life, there are tons of people coming at me every day who are going the wrong way. They are mindlessly following the rest of the pack. They need to see that there is a better way. That through the freedom Christ gives, they can make their own choices, and move in the right direction. I must take advantage of that freedom myself, and not be afraid. I can put my shoulders back, hold my head up high and run straight towards my goal. Everyone I pass should be inspired by my determination, inspired by the freedom that I have from fear, from insecurity, from the desire to please the invisible "everyone". Thankfully, unlike my run that morning, I am not alone. There is Someone running this race with me, and He has already taken the crown. I am praying that the Lord will let me work through my insecurities. I should be thankful that I serve Someone who doesn't require a uniform and lets me go at my own pace! I am only responsible for my own actions, I should not be concerned about pleasing the world. I think the next time I run I will try to remember to be strong in who I am because of Whose I am, and I can be confident in knowing that it is okay that I seem to be swimming (or running) upstream!

Running the Race

So, no doubt by now, you have heard that I ran in my first 10K on Monday. It was....AMAZING! I have had a secret life-long dream of being a "runner". There is something that just appeals to me about the idea of running. February 1st came and I had not run one step, not a single one. Then our Lifegroup (that's Sunday School teacher for those of you unitiated into FBCBF lingo) leader challenged us to sign up to run the "Bolder Boulder", a 10K run. I was a little frightened but decided to go for it. I started out running a measly 4 minutes and walking a minute.Yeah, I know, that whole 5 minutes was definitely going to get me in shape!

I kept at it,though, hardly ever missing a run. I found out that it was hard, but I really liked it! Some days were good, others were bad. I ran in the rain, in the snow and in the wind.In the beginning of May I bruised my right foot pretty badly. That kept me off of it for a week and then I bruised it again! I was a little nervous that was going to keep me from running the whole race but thankfully it started feeling better the week before.

The morning of the race I was even more nervous but I just kept thinking that if worse came to worse I knew I could just walk the whole thing. Boulder was crazy when we arrived! There were cars and people with race bibs everywhere! I am not a big person for crowds but I just kept thinking it wasn't about all the other people. It was something I just wanted to do for me. I found my "wave" and joined the crowd. There were 54, 000 participants! That is a lot of jostling elbows. I was glad that, in the end, I was not early because I think I would have gotten even more anxious waiting. Soon, the gun sounded, and we were off!

I wasn't running for time, I just wanted to run. Good thing, too, because there was so much to see. Every block had live performers and most of the houses along the route were having parties in the front yard. There were people with sprinklers directed at the road to cool everyone off. There were even houses where people were throwing marshmallows and giving out Doritos! There were belly dancers, too, old ones! That is not to even mention all the people in costume. There were women in their fifties dressed as Alice, the White Rabbit and the Mad Hatter. There were teenagers in "Flash Dance" costumes. There were even two boys, one with a crown and the other with two coconuts, replicating the horse scene from "Monty Python".

It was certainly enough to keep my mind off running! I hit the first kilometer sign and I thought, "I am 1/10th of the way there. Lord, here is my tithe of running, I guess the rest is up to You!" And He, of course, surpassed my wildest expectations. I didn't even realize I was running half the time! I just ran my little heart out. It was truly one of the most satisfying things I have ever done. It so reminded me of the passage from Hebrews that talks about running the good race. I had trained to run and I couldn't let anything stop me. Every mile there was a drink station and I had to be careful not to slip on all the cups in the road. I had to not get too distracted by all that was going on around me. I couldn't focus on anyone else's race-only my own. If I needed encouragement I only had to look around at all the people cheering me on. Especially encouraging was the runners who had already completed the race who had come back to support those still running. You know, the "great cloud"?

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

I guess I never really expected running to be a spiritual experience. But, it really was. It was such an amazing opportunity to be able to worship the Lord in the midst of all those people. My little Ipod blared my favorite songs by Jars of Clay, 10th Avenue North and the Newsboys while I focused on the beautiful mountains in front of me and all the joy around me. It was really great to see Joel and the kids right after I finished the 6th mile. They gave me that final boost to complete the last .2 mile I had to go. Finishing was so wonderful! Even though my time wasn't anything to brag about (1 hour 22 minutes 56 seconds), it wasn't the time, it was the completion. I can't wait until next year... .