To Carson, on Your 15th Birthday

 Dear Carson,

                   I love that we have a day when we can celebrate you. This last year has had so many moments, big and small, that are worth commemorating. You have taken on many new challenges and risen to the occasion over and over again.

               I think sometimes perhaps you feel like you are in Jocelyn's shadow, since as the oldest she gets to do everything "first" but I don't think of it that way. You aren't doing it after her. You are each doing it. In your own ways, and your own times. And it is beautiful to me to see you figure things out, and to learn how to express yourself. 

               Now that Jocelyn is at work and college, it has been fun to have more time just the two of us. You are now my sole co-op buddy (something Jocelyn never got to do!). You are in my literature class for the first time, too, and I think you secretly like those old books more than you want to admit. You are really getting good at this whole school thing, and it is fun to see you understanding so many new concepts. You are taking so much responsibility for your education, and that is beneficial both now and in the long run.

          You are really taking accountability for so many things. You really decided to put in the effort to analyze your basketball performance, and it showed this season. Watching you play was really just *fun*. Seeing you score was thrilling, but really, I love what a good team player and how sportsmanlike you are. 

    And you are succeeding at other new things, too. Soccer, high school Awana, a new church and youth group. I know you love routine, and continuity, but you have had a good attitude about all these things. You played Hoopfest, and went on your first basketball trip. You've made new friends, something you've always done so well. 

      But as always, the thing I love the most about you is how you care so well for people. Inclusion is important to you, and hospitality. You make me feel loved by leaving me little notes, and always checking to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. You take care of your dad, preparing all his lunch stuff every night. You love on all the babies in the family, and all the sisters agree you are an excellent babysitter. And there is never any danger that a door will be left unlocked when you're around!

        We have reached the part where neither the days nor the years are long anymore. More so even than when you were smaller I wish time would just slow down. It won't though, so I'm giving it my all to try to enjoy these fleeting days. I know it you don't love it when I take photos or make sappy comments, but I'm just trying to remember it all. The eternal tension of parenting is knowing that the future holds so many more wonderful moments, while simultaneously mourning the ones that will never be again. But I wouldn't miss them if they hadn't been so sweet. Thankfully, I think the Lord will graciously give us many more. And because of your faith in Jesus, we are guaranteed eternity! I'm so thankful for you. And I love you. Truly, more than you know. 

                                                                                          Love,

                                                                                                    Larry

To Carson, On Your 14th Birthday

Dear Carson, 

                   What a year it has been! I cannot believe how much you have grown over the last year, not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. You continue to show a sweet tenderness that is uncharacteristic of many men, young or old. You have a genuine love for people, especially little ones, and you work so hard to make people feel included. 

          I have seen so many great character strengths developing in you, and nowhere are they quite as apparent as during these last two seasons of basketball. We jumped into a new team in the fall, and neither of us what quite certain what to expect. At first you didn't think you had what it took-you were afraid you weren't strong enough or tough enough. You were so tired after practices. But I wouldn't let you quit and instead of complaining you threw yourself into the high school season-as an 8th grader! You started out by barely playing, and you never took a shot. But by the end of the season you scored several times and surprised even yourself by being a valuable member of the team. Neither one of us realized that the middle school season would be next, but you developed relationships with many new teammates and showed yourself to be a leader. Not because you thought of yourself as being worthy to be in charge, but because you showed yourself to be a teachable team player who was interested in everyone improving. You were a starter for most of the season-a tough one where you stayed humble and invested. You demonstrated a sportmanslike attitude and acquitted yourself  well with both teammates and coaches.

     Not only were you a great basketball player, but you continued to love and serve your friends and family. Katy says that you and all the little boy cousins are "Carson and the Carsonettes". You are Harry's favorite, and whenever he is around you two are practically inseparable. You truly care for and take care of him. You are the best at putting him to sleep and he will jump out of other people's arms to get to you. Your relationship is so sweet. 

    And you always make me feel loved, too. You tell me I'm "the best mom ever" and I can't tell you what that means to me. You know when I am feeling down, and you really try to make me feel better. You don't mind spending time with me, and some of my favorite memories will always be chatting with you about the deep questions in life while driving to practice or a game. I love your inquisitiveness, and I never get tired of answering your questions. You love to share fun new facts with me that you have learned and I like to hear how you are expanding your worldview. 

   I love who you are. You are a godly young man that really understands that one of the very best ways to serve Christ is by loving people. You are always a welcome member of any group, and it is easy to see why. I am so glad that I get to be your mom. I hope 14 is an amazing year for you. I love you so much.

                                                                                                           Love,

                                                                                                        Larry (Your current nickname for me)

To Carson, On Your 13th Birthday

 

Dear Carson,

           Well, I did not have any clue when I wrote your last birthday letter that I would be here once again writing to you in the midst of pandemic restrictions. You've been a trooper this last year. You've always been sensitive to change, and you knew that I was not dealing well with all that was happening. I'm sorry for the ways that I've made the last year even more difficult for you. You have made me feel loved and cared for, which is such a big part of who you are. You vacuumed, made me cakes, and wrote me sweet notes. I'm sorry that so much of this last year was about me. But it has never really worked for me to try to hide things from you, so instead I did my best to show you what it looks like to wade through uncertainty, to trust God when you feel like the world is falling apart. I hope that will be what you remember: not a mom who crumbled when things got hard, but rather that you can always trust that no matter what happens God is in control. It will never work if your faith is based on how well I live out mine. I have always encouraged you: Your faith must be based on Christ alone, and your relationship with Him cannot be guided by what anyone else, even your own mother, does or does not do. 

      And I see you taking that to heart. You are wrestling with difficult topics, always so observant of those around you. I love that you still ask so many questions. You catch me off guard, and make me think. I try not to give you pat answers, often, by asking my own questions you find that you knew the answer already, grounded in what Scripture says. You are having tough discussions with others, too. It shocks me to overhear the mature conversations you have with your friends, over video games! And your favorite class at co-op has been literature where you have waded through weighty books and subjects, like racism and communism. I must admit: I'm very pleased that you have taken to literature. A boy after my own heart.

    Yet, you are like your dad, too. You look for ways to serve others, and I am constantly complimented on how eagerly your help with your friends' younger siblings. You do love a baby and you are tickled that Kelly's baby is a boy. You are already planning all the fun things you can do with him and teach him because, "Mom, 13 years isn't really that big of a difference." It makes me melt, for sure! 

   As always, I am looking forward to watching your growth in the coming year. You are still helping with children's church on Sunday mornings, and you transitioned to helping in Awana on Wednesday nights now that you are on to Trek. I was impressed with how easily you made friends in your new club, but I supposed I shouldn't have been. You have always been well-liked, and in many ways you are a leader in your guy gangs, both at co-op and Awana. You have so many friends, I sometimes lose track! 

    I want you to know that I am so proud of you, you are already doing amazing things. I am so grateful I have the privilege of watching you. Thanks for loving me so well. I pray that I do the same for you.

                                                                                                       Love Always,

                                                                                                                     Mom 

                                  (aka Larapea, your latest of many nicknames for me. I will never get tired of that.)

To Carson, On Your 12th Birthday

Dear Carson,

         Well, this year will surely be a memorable one! You had big plans for a joint birthday party with your buds (from the Chicken Nugget Gang) but instead we all got to shelter-in-place. However, you  have worked hard to have a positive attitude, and we planned to make the best of the day.  You are my extrovert, you love to be with your friends, so it ended up being a lovely surprise that your friends came to you, albeit to social distance from the sidewalk and across the park, but I think their efforts will be wonderful memories in time.

      You absolutely love hanging out with your friends and watching boy friendships is so fun. You are a leader amongst them (in part because you're a teeny bit bossy) mostly because they look up to you and trust you. You are mature for your age, and I am constantly impressed by your discernment. You really care about how people are feeling and you can frequently be found helping without being asked. You are very responsible, too, which is a quality every mother wishes for her children.

     You are "the world's youngest Boomer", a nickname we have affectionately given you this year due to your grousing about "freaking hippies", what you disdainfully call anyone who hasn't lived up to your standards. You were washing out the kitchen trashcan the other day and grumbling about the gum that had escaped the liner. It was kind of hilarious because you sounded like a dad. I love that you don't realize that most twelve year-old boys don't do those kinds of things willingly or without being reminded. 

    You have been robbed of a few things this year besides a birthday party, but I'm thankful for all the things you have been able to do. You really enjoyed basketball (with your friends, of course) this last winter and you are on track to finish your final year of T&T in Awana. You have managed to coax me into doing all four books with you-you challenge me to get better and it has been inspiring.

    Watching you love people well brings such joy to my heart. You love doting on the baby and toddler siblings of your friends, and you can carry on intelligent conversations with people of all ages. You have been helping in Children's Church all year, and you set an excellent example to the little people there. It is hard for me to believe that you will be in the youth group in the fall. 

    As always, I'm excited to continue to watch you grow, physically (you are taller than Grammy now!) mentally (you worked hard in school this year, especially at paper writing) and spiritually (I see your tender heart for Jesus and I adore it.) You remind me so much of your dad in all the best ways, and you just continue to get wittier as you get older. Your wisecracking keeps us all in stitches! I am constantly praying that the Lord will guard your heart and mind as He has always done. He has big plans for you! I am so thankful that I get to be a part. I love you more than ever.

                                                                                                            Love, 

                                                                                                                Larry aka Mom

                                                                           (your current nickname among many for me.) 

To Carson, On Your 11th Birthday

Dear Carson,
            I am so excited that you are 11. I particularly remember 11 as being a very good year. I have every reason to believe the same will be true for you. You are really finding your groove in so many ways, and it is giving you confidence to try new things and mature in a wonderful way.

     I feel like I always say the same things about you in your birthday letter, but that is because you have stayed true to the character God created you with. You are kind, thoughtful and have a true servant's heart. You have really started to use your gifts in regards to glorifying the Lord, and it is so beautiful. You have such sensitivity towards people's feelings, and you combine that with your gift of leadership in a really wonderful way.

   You are learning to persevere when something is difficult. No one likes to do that, but it is a skill that will benefit you your whole life. Often learning new things is tough, but it is beneficial to keep going, even when it seems like a waste of time. Your dad and I are tasked with teaching you a lot of things that you may not deem important, but we are simply trying to equip you to serve the Lord to the best of your ability. We are not trying to frustrate you or embarrass you, we just want to see you grow!

   It is always hard for me to not want to shelter you from anything that makes you anxious. I have fought with anxiety and fear my whole life, and when I see you struggle I just want to rescue you, and keep you away from anything that makes you afraid. But if I do that you will never be who God wants you to be: someone who depends fully on Him. I am doing my best to walk beside you in those tough times, and remind you that the Lord is always with you, that He will guide you, and that you don't need to fear. I am always praying for you, and I am always here to listen.

    And every time I see you face your fears it makes me brave. It reminds me that if you can do it, I have no excuse. You are always helping me to be better, reminding me what friendship and thoughtfulness looks like, that serving others is really service to God. And you make me so proud, because you do it without an expectation of recognition.

    This is going to be a good year. God has great plans in store, just as He has every year of your life. Seeing you gain an ever-deepening appreciation for that is one of my favorite things about seeing you grow. You are amazing, smart, caring and kind. Your dad and I take such pleasure in you. You are growing in the wisdom and knowledge of the Lord and it is exciting. I'm glad I get to be a part of it. I love you.
                                                                                                        Love,
                                                                                                                  Mom

   

To Carson, On Your 10th Birthday

Dear Carson,
         So, I really had to force myself to write this tonight so that it would post on your actual birthday. Life right now is...crazy, to say the least. Your dad and I took a big leap of faith and we finally bought a house. One in which, after seven years, you should *finally* have your own bedroom. You've kind of been a champ about the whole room-sharing thing, I think you know there are things you will miss about sharing with your sister, even if you will never admit it. You don't really remember what it was like to have a room of your own-the last time was before you turned three!

   But I think you're up for the challenge. You are so excited to have a place of your own to invite your friends to-you definitely have the gift of hospitality. Your greatest pleasure is to make plans and have people over. You have this really great group of boys that you are friends with, and it never ceases to amaze me how popular you are. You demonstrate traits of a good leader, and you are always thoughtful about other people and what they may want or need. Your sensitive heart is one of my favorite things about you.

   Nine was a good year for you, I think. You took recorder in co-op and really enjoyed it, so much so that you are considering band. (We'll see, I'm not sure about adding anything else to the schedule!) You really developed your friendships-spending so many Thursday afternoons at other people's houses I've lost track. You've worked hard in school and Awana. You keep me on track with my verses, and I love sharing the goal of finishing this year's T&T book. You make it look easy!

  You've continued to love soccer, and I really appreciate the team that you are on, you put in a lot of effort, but you have a good time. I'm glad that you are starting to figure out what you want, and going for it, even if it is out of your comfort zone. I try really hard to encourage you to do things that you're afraid of-we're a lot alike and I don't want you to be trapped by silly fears. That isn't what the Lord wants for us, and you help me to be brave so I want to do the same for you.

    I'm looking forward to this year. Ten is kind of a big deal, you're not a "little kid" anymore. I'm thankful for those sweet days, but I'm eager to see where this new phase takes us. I really like you, and I think it's just going to get better. I'm so thankful God put you in my life. I love you.

                                                                             Love,
                                                                                       Mom