So Long, 2016

    I would never be one to christen any year "the hardest year of my life". See, the thing is, my life isn't over, and depending on the Lord's will, very possibly won't be for a long time. So I suppose I could say that a year has been the hardest up to this point, or very painful, or exceptionally difficult. However, I still try to refrain from using those terms. Because my thoughts are this: basically, life is just hard.

    As a believer I have Christ, but the world is still sick and sinful, and that is where I am stuck for the time being. This old fallen world will always be full of death and disease, and pain and trials. This year, well it wasn't really any different. Crazy stuff happened, not just to me personally but in the world as a whole. The only thing really going for 2017 at this point is that there is no way that it can be identical to any year we have had before.

    However, as tempting as it is to be defeated by the fact that the chances are 100% that the world is going to continue to need Jesus and act out of desperation and insanity because of that, I as a believer get to have hope. The quote above, from Relient K, has been going through my head for a few days now. It is from their song, "Let It All Out" and since I'm not the writer, I can't really say if he is talking to God or not. However, I keep thinking that in my life, that is what I am saying to God. I want to approach 2017 with a fresh faith, a new hope, to borrow a Star Wars phrase. I can't imagine what 2017 would look like if I went forward as if I couldn't fail, as if all that I do is on Christ's behalf.

    I am tired. I won't blame that on 2016. It is an inanimate object, a period of time that had no control over its contents. I am tired because my faith is weak, because I have allowed circumstances and occurrences to toss me about.

    "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:31-32

  2017 isn't autonomous. But it is fully in God's control. This year has been long, it has been hard. It is no different from any other year this world has ever existed through. January 1, 2017 isn't magical. It won't change anything. But faith in God can. I can choose to make New Year's Day a turning point, a place to mark where I made changes and sharpened my determination and focus to trust Christ for success on His behalf, to have faith that He can work His will through me. I am looking forward to that. I want to trust as if I have never known defeat...

2017 Reading Challenge for Kids

Last year I created a reading challenge for kids. It was so successful I decided to make another this year. (It was even featured over at Money Saving Mom!) I created a printable to make it easy to keep track of your child's progress. There were a few questions last time around, so I thought I would try to cover some of the answers here. Let me know if you have anything else!

Q. Should I use specific books?

A. Nope! I tried to choose reasonably broad categories, and you can adapt them as you see fit for your family. Nobody will fine you if you don't use it the same way as somebody else. ;) I did *not* create this with certain titles in mind. I don't have a list, and sometimes we picked books based on the categories and sometimes we read books and then found categories they fit into.

Q. Where can I find books for the challenge?

A. Anywhere you want! Your own shelves, the library, the thrift store, the neighbor, Amazon... Just don't steal them!

Q. How long should the challenge take?

A. As long as you want. If your child reads one book per category, there is a total of 20. You can spread it out over a year, just work until they finish the list, or if your child is a fast reader, set a shorter amount of time! Make it challenging, but not overwhelming.

Q. Can I read to my child?

A. Sure! If you  aren't catching on already, I really just wanted this challenge to be a jumping-off point, a catalyst to encourage kids to read a greater variety of books. If your child isn't a strong reader, or prefers to be read to, or you just want to share books together, feel free to read to them. Or mix it up and read some aloud, and have them read others independently.

Q. Should I offer rewards? If so, what kind?

A. You can consider that reading is its own reward, or you can use some "motivational tools". You can offer a small monetary amount for each title, you can offer candy or some other small treat,or even screen time! Or you could offer a new book at the end, or movie tickets, or a specified amount of money. Pick something that motivates your child! Please just don't make it drudgery or your child will curse me. 

Q. What is the best age to use this?

A. For independent work, I suggest 8 to 12. For strong readers, you can definitely go younger. If you plan to work with your child you could probably even do 4 or 5, although I doubt they will appreciate the concept of a list. If you use it with a very young child just use it to choose titles yourself.

   This is all about what works best for you. If it encourages your family to enjoy exploring books, or helps your child to read a few extra words this coming year, it was all worth it. If you don't like this list, then feel free to use last year's if you haven't already!

You will have the most success if you print the challenge from this link. Have fun and happy reading!

Printable 2017 Reading Challenge for Kids

Christmas Means There Are No Bit Parts

        I can't believe that it is Christmas Eve and this is the first time the whole month I have taken the time to blog. I have chased dozens of ideas around in my head, I created a printable and even developed a new recipe, but I never would commit anything to print, so to speak. I have struggled my whole life with feeling inadequate and unimportant, and this holiday season it has really been getting to me. My every step, some days, feels dogged by chants of "not enough" and "no one cares". This isn't a pity party, it is just gut-level honesty, which is pretty much all I have ever put out here, so nothing new.

    I won't blame anything, it isn't the fault of the media, or my friends, or my lack of therapy. I have learned that I need to rely on the Lord to satisfy my needs, as nothing else will do. And that is probably why I have been so heavily weighed down by my insufficiency, because I know what to do but I'm not doing it.

    Sometimes I am just worried that I am not making a difference, that nothing I do really counts. Everyone else seems to have a starring role, and I feel stuck behind the scenes, or worse, standing in line hoping for a ticket. Everyone else has their name up in lights, and I can't seem to catch a break.

    And I wondered if sometimes Joseph felt that way. In "The Christmas Story" he has a strange part, if you really consider it. He barely merits a few lines in Luke, most of his story is found in Matthew. He is called a "righteous man" and is recommended by his family line. He is the descendant of David that gave Jesus his heritage. But really, after he appears in the story of twelve year-old Jesus teaching in the temple, we don't hear much about him. He fades from Scripture and often our memories.

    I recently bought a nativity to share with my preschool class. It was what seems to be the normal set-up, the holy family, the Magi, a little stable. I asked one of the children to name the pieces with me and when they got to the man with the staff they said, "shepherd"! No, it was poor Joseph, who had less significance in their mind than the lowly sheep herders. We know his name, but what do we really *know* about him? Not too much it seems, other than his background and his few actions that show him to be a protective, caring man of God.  But still, sometimes, he seems a bit part, his name appearing far down on the list of characters in the show. Did his name even make it on the marquee at all?

    But you and I know better. Even if my preschool student didn't recognize Joseph's importance, we can. We know his obedience saved Mary and Jesus, that he had faith to follow through even when the way was unclear. We know he was vital to the story, just as God had planned it.

    And when I really pay attention, I know that is true for me, too. Because Christmas means there are no bit parts. Jesus came so that EVERY life can have meaning and value. Every one gets to be essential to the story line that points to the glory of God with every page. He is the star, but we all get to have killer supporting roles, making sure that the message gets across.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:19b-20 HCSB

   Because He lives in me, all that I say and do has value. Just like Joseph, I have a part to play. And even if it seems small at times, in reality it will last for eternity if I am living by faith. I may not have more than a few lines to read, but Christ makes them essential if He is living in me.

"And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17 HCSB

    His birth and His death make every life important. Christmas means there are no bit parts. Thank You, Father, for sending Your Son.Help me to remember that You are the reason for *every* season, and You alone can make my life worthwhile.

To Jocelyn, On Your 11th Birthday

Dear Jocelyn,
                   I am a little sad that this is the first of these letters that I have written late. Since your birthday was on Thanksgiving this year it was almost impossible for me to write your letter, and I didn't want to do it before your birthday. Hopefully, if you ever read all of these, you won't mind that I wasn't on time.

    Wow. This has been one crazy year. I always think that if something has been hard on me as a comprehending, mature "grown-up" it must be even harder for you, as a kid. 2016 started off with the death of one of our favorite people, Grams. That was the first really important person you have ever lost and it has been a doozy. Watching you deal with your grief has changed me as a mom. Encouraging you to show your feelings, and seeing how you have openly been so very sad, has been hard. But watching you fiercely love Gramps, and never allowing it to make you bitter has helped me to see that it isn't impossible to grieve as one who has hope.

   Because you are filled with hope. Each passing day I see your love for Christ deepen, and you search to become more like Him. It is so crazy to say this about your own child, but you truly do challenge me in my walk. Honestly? I kind of want to be like you when I grow up. You have a joy for the Lord and a passion to share Him fearlessly. Your gift of evangelism is certainly something you have in common with Grams. I can see the beginnings of the transition to adulthood, and it is painful for both of us sometimes. You have shed more tears in the past year for various reasons than you have in rest of your life. But even in the struggle to deal with your changing feelings and starting to become more aware of the complexity of life, you've continued to turn to the Lord and stayed strong in your desire to tell everyone you come in contact with about Him.

   I pray that sticks with you. We are coming to the end of the innocence of the "little girl" years. It isn't easy for me, but I'd much rather have you grow up than face the alternative! Watching you mature makes me bittersweetly nostalgic. I am excited to see where you will go, but at the same time I just want time to slow down a little! I feel this way much more frequently than I did when you were an adorable toddler, even.

   I'm just praying you hold on to the sweetness of spirit and joy for living that makes you *you*. You are incredibly kind and generous, creative and friendly. You've spent this year learning so many new things. You've stayed with hard things, like dance, determinedly practicing, not bent on being the star, but just on improving. You committed to working diligently in school, not complaining and getting your work done. You've taken a real interest in history, and blown me away by using the summer months to work hard in math so that you are now working a grade ahead. I thought sixth grade would be difficult, but you have surprised me!

    You've really made a name for yourself with your helpful willingness. I can count on you to do the work of an adult, practically, when we are volunteering at church! Watching you carefully pack Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes blessed me so much. You have a real heart for ministry. You always say you want to grow up to direct VBS and it probably won't be long before you are more qualified than I. I look forward to working for you! People genuinely love to have you around-the only credit I can take for that is all the prayers I have prayed for you. The rest is all the Lord.

    He knew we would need our ray of sunshine. In our little family you definitely can claim that! I love you so much it hurts sometimes, and I am praying constantly that the Lord shows me how to be the mom you need and deserve. Every time I write one of these letters I cry, not for the time that has passed, but for how blessed I am to get to call you my daughter. For how proud I am of you, for how intensely I love you, and how sweet it is to know you return those feelings. You are amazing, beautiful inside and out, and I love you.
                                                                                        Love,
                                                                                              Mom

To the Veteran I Love Most, On Veteran's Day

   

     You weren't the typical fresh-faced enlistee when you joined the Army smack-dab in the middle of the Iraq War. We knew if you joined the military it wouldn't be a question of  "if" you were sent to fight, but rather "when". We had only been married for barely a year, but you were still older than many of your fellow recruits. You started fighting before you were even in the military, trying to secure a spot, working hard to meet the requirements that seemed always just out of reach-not quite the right weight, not quite fast enough. But you were persistent, and finally, you were in.

   We pored over the brochure that listed all of the Military Occupational Specialties in the days before you went to make your choice in St. Louis. We narrowed our choices down to twelve, each specified by it's own unique number and letter code. You would talk to the recruiter there, and decide which one would be the best fit.

    I remember standing in my teller cage at the bank when the call came in: you told me you had decided on 19D. I knew that wasn't one of the twelve. You told me it was "Cavalry Scout". I was dumbfounded-neither one of us knew what that really meant, but you did know that you were to report to BASIC training at the end of September. That was not as far away as I wanted it to be.

    We packed. I moved. You left. BASIC tried you like I had never seen anything try you before. You have only ever cried twice in all the time that I have known you, and home for Christmas that year you admitted  with tears your fears that you would be "recycled" forced to endure training over again for not succeeding, or worse yet, you would be kicked out entirely.

  But you made it. You graduated in February-top in your class for marksmanship. I was so proud. We had breathlessly awaited your assignment and when we were told it was Ft. Hood, TX, we weren't really sure how to feel about that. But precious little in the military is about feelings, so we hauled everything down from Illinois and you started working and I started waiting.

   If there is anything that describes a military wife it is "waiting". Waiting for her husband to come home for dinner, waiting for the house on post, waiting for the next assignment, waiting for those precious phone calls during deployment, waiting for homecoming. I saw precious little of you, and when you were told soon after you reported that you would be deploying in the fall. Right after we also found that would be when Josie would be coming too-the question was which would arrive first?

   If I thought I had endured hard, I wasn't prepared to be the wife of a Cav Scout at the height of the war. Being pregnant with a husband who was rarely home (you often left for work at 4:15 am and would not arrive home until 9 pm or later and that was if you weren't gone overnight training) is the hardest thing I have ever done. It was harder on you.

   But not as hard as leaving your weepy wife and three day-old baby. I had no idea when I would talk to you next. The reality that I might not ever talk to you again clung to me like lead blanket. It was a very, very real possibility. You finally called after three weeks-and the five minutes we spoke was a gift straight from heaven.

   That year. I look back now and see all the places the Lord carried us. The times you hung up in the middle of 2 am phone calls and I could *hear* things going off in the background. The weeks and weeks we couldn't speak because one of your fellow soldiers had paid the ultimate sacrifice and communications were cut off until the family was notified. The precious letters that you painstakingly wrote. The carefully planned care packages, packed with all the skill of a professional Tetris player. That time you told me about driving your Humvee, and feeling sloshing around your boots, and yelling for everyone to get out, and the fire-the sloshing was fuel, and you had been driving a death trap unknowingly. And realizing that I had been awakened from a sound sleep-praying for you at the exact moment, and despite that the movie-worthy explosion and your poor gas-soaked feet, you all made it out okay, because God is gracious.

    And all the things you didn't tell me. Not about that deployment-the Lord returned you to me in one piece almost exactly a year later. Or your next deployment not quite three years later (we were blessed, many weren't home for that long) this time leaving behind a two year-old and a six month-old, and of course, me. Many things you didn't tell me for many years.

   And now, after seven years of service, like the Biblical Jacob, and years of being "out" I realize that you will never be a civilian again. You will always be a "vet". You have your favorite war stories, the ones that make everyone laugh, or keep them on the edge of their seats. We tell tales of post living, and long nights, miserable higher-ups and the ones who made your job a tiny bit more bearable. But I will never be able to really know what it was like for you. I will never know the parts of your heart that are forever stained by the awful realities of war, the ache you carry for those you served with who came home permanently wounded (both inside and out) or in a flag-draped box.

     You are now that crusty old vet. And I could not be prouder. God did not call you to life-long military service, but the time that you served was definitely part of His plan for us. I had spent my childhood growing up with a fierce pride for America's military and it was the pinnacle to be married to someone in service. The Army took much from us-memories, peace, security, your health, but it gave us much, too. You will never be who you were before you served, but I know you don't regret that.  You were proud to meet your country's call in a time of need. You were proud to wear the uniform that proclaimed that commitment. And now you are proud of the memories you have of your bravery and sacrifice.

    You are a veteran. In the truest sense of the word, and I now know what Veteran's Day means. It means that for one day, we honor you for being willing to sacrifice limb, love and life to keep those you hold dearest and those you have never met, free. We can never truly repay you for that sacrifice, but I hope you know, my dear sweet husband, that I, at least, am thankful for it every single day.

P.S. The beautiful photo above was taken by a observer at a Veteran's Day parade in Colorado Springs. The photographer tracked me down afterwards and offered to send the photo to me, as she thought I would enjoy it. She did, but I never did really thank her appropriately. It is my favorite photo ever of Joel and Josie, and if I ever found that person again, I would say thank you for the precious gift she gave me.